Infertility

Broken and pissed

We did a fresh cycle with PGS and it failed. We got the results yesterday and I know it's not enough time to cope, but I feel so broken and over ever trying again. What's the point. We followed everything we should. We had 18 eggs retrieved, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5, and 5 made it through PGS screening. We transferred 1 and froze 4. Now I know we can do a FET, but why? If this embryo didn't implant and it was tested to be normal why would the others? We are supposed to go in and talk with our doctor, who I like very much and he has been great, by why? We did IVF because of MFI, morphology specifically. I don't have any issues. Or maybe I do if the embryo didn't implant. I just feel like it's my fault. I didn't lay there for 20 minutes after the transfer like he said to because I had to pee, the transfer was on a Sat and I went back to work Monday and didn't take it as easy as I should have (I did on Sat and Sun though), there are so many f-in maybe I should have done this going through my head. Why didn't it work?? I don't get it. 

Sorry needed to vent. 

Re: Broken and pissed

  • Oh hon, I'm so sorry. There are lots of coulda-woulda-shouldas, but you can't let yourself sit and analyze everything you or they could have done differently. This was your fresh cycle, and you can do the FET. Take this month while you wait for your next cycle to relax: go on a mini vacation, go all out on a fancy dinner (and have a bottle of wine or two...), take a long weekend and stay in bed reading, go to a spa for a day. Let your body be at peace from all the poking and prodding for a little while.

    Thinking of you today and praying for peace.

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • oxinfreeoxinfree member
    edited February 2016
    It's normal to blame yourself, or wonder what you did wrong but you did NOTHING wrong. Women get pregnant without the precautions we take all the time. I know we're different, and it's common to want to place blame and have a reason for it not working, but we still know so little about fertility... who really knows why it didn't take. I'm so so sorry that it didn't for you though. I've been there...  and it sucks. 

    The follow up appointment with your RE will help give clarity and next steps. There's always more to look at.
    Have you had an endometrial biopsy to rule out endometrial receptivity issues? Have you had immune issues looked at? Not all REs believe in immune issues, but another avenue nonetheless.

    I took a long break after our last failed IVF and it was the best thing I ever did. Take time to process this. Take time to grieve. What people who don't go through IVF don't understand is it can feel like a loss. You saw the little embryo. You saw it in your uterus. You rightfully believed you had a child coming. It's not just a failed cycle, but accepting a child you already held in your heart that you'll never hold in your arms.

    I'm so sorry hun. Big hugs to you. Take care.
    ---
    Started TTC April 2011
    Me: 32, DH: 32
    Diagnosis: Endometriosis

    • 2012 - 3 Rounds clomid - all BFN
    • 2013 - 1 Fresh IVF with 2 day 3 embryos - BFN
    • 2014 - 1 Frozen IVF with 2 day 5 embryos - BFN
    • Took a long break, continuing trying naturally
    • Feb 2016 - Biopsy = Endo, DH sperm improved from 1% to 6% morphology
    • March 2016 - Fresh IVF cycle with acupuncture & intralipids: 20 eggs retrieved (17 mature), 7 ICSI'd fertilized, 9 naturally fertilized. 16 total embryos!
    • April 8th - 2 embryos (1ICSI and 1 Natural) transferred. (7 blastocysts frozen), April 18th - Beta = BFN
    • Sept 23rd - Lupron Depot Injection for Endo control
    • Nov 15th 2016 - Started daily Lupron Injections for upcoming FET
    • Nov 22 - Baseline US/BW - Intralipid Infusion - Start Meds for FET with immune protocol
    • Dec 16th FET transfer of 3 embryos (1 - AA, 2 - BB)
    • TW below
    • Dec 22nd - first ever bfp (very faint lines FRER & cheapie)
    • Dec 27th Beta = 192, Dec 29th Beta = 379
    • EDD - Sept 5th 2017

    - - -
    I'm a YouTube vlogger who talks about Infertility, IVF and Endometriosis. Check it out here!
    Follow along at http://liv4today.blog
    Instagram @liv4todayvlog 


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  • So sorry to hear your IVF didn't work. We were just diagnosed with MFI (morphology) too and I know we are facing similar treatments. Don't blame yourself, but I think its good to be a little pissed off. This is really really hard. Thinking of you. 
  • @akcrowe Sorry to hear. My RE had mentioned that for some reason (reasoning currently unknown) FET has more success than fresh transfers. Maybe FET will be your best option? If you do decide to try again, my FX for you. Feel better!!
    ****Siggy TW****
    natural pregnancy: 2008 
    Me: 28 (Hypothyroid), DH: 35
    Together since: 2010
    Married: 2013
    TTC: 2013
    Infertility: severe MFI, low AMH (0.5)
    Met RE: January 2016
    ER: 3/14 (4 follies, 6 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized)
    fresh 3dt of 2 embryos= BFP (1 implanted)
    EDD w/ baby boy= 12/6/16
  • I'm so sorry you've had to experience this disappointment. I originally wanted to do a fresh transfer but my RE talked me out of it. She told me that I would have a better chance with the FET because you have more time for your body/uterus to prepare for the transfer. You can not blame yourself at all, because none of this process is in your control. There is nothing you did to ruin the chances of the embryo implanting. 

    I didn't lay there for 20 mins, after my FET was over, my RE was like "ok you're done, you can go home"... I got up, went to pee, got in the car and we drove home. Then I got home and had a strange coughing session for 2 days and I was so concerned I messed everything up. 

    If you can, do some acupuncture before the next transfer to help relax your body and mind. Also helps with blood flow to the uterus. And it wouldn't hurt to drink some raspberry leaf tea, it has been rumored to help with thickening the uterus lining. 

    FX are crossed for you!



    *** Pregnancy & Miscarriage Mentioned***
    ME: 34/DH: 33
    TTC (On & Off) Since 2008
    Diagnosed DOR August 2013 
    2009-2013 6 Clomid Rounds which resulted in 3 Cysts/Had to take some time off from TTC
    10/2014 ~ BFP (Natural Pregnancy) after 3 months Acupuncture/Miscarriage at 10 wks
    7/2015 ~ Med Protocol#1: Failed Cycle/Only 1 Egg/Unable to convert to IUI because thin uterus lining
    08/2015 ~ Med Protocol #2: Started stims 09/13
    ER 10/9 with 6 Eggs Retrieved/3 SNOWFLAKES!!

    10/22/15 ~ AF Showed up, waiting for Fibroid removal.
    10/28/15 ~ Saline Ultrasound - Fibroids were gone. FET scheduled for December 3rd!
    12/08/15 ~ FET of one hatching Embaby

    12/21/15 ~ 13dp5dfet Beta 755! I'M PREGNANT!!!/ 
    12/23/15 ~15dp5dfet Beta 1539!

    01/05/16 ~ 1st Ultrasound - 2 little beans and 2 Heartbeats (120 & 125 bpm)


    My Fur Baby: Diva Celeste McClendon






  • Sometimes perfectly good embryos just don't implant.  The conditions are all there, but it doesn't take.  It doesn't mean that it won't take next time.  And it definitely doesn't mean that there was anything you could have done differently.

    Some clinics find that their success rate with FET is the same as fresh (or better), even with the stress of freezing, and they think that it just helps to transfer to a woman with a well-rested body, when you aren't all stressed from the stims.  You may very well have success at FET that you didn't have here, because your uterus will just be a little better rested.

    But that's my rational response, and I think you're in a very emotional place, so just talking about probabilities and such maybe isn't what you need. 

    I swear, I get it, I've been there.  This shit sucks monkey balls, it is so freaking hard.  It makes me want to punch someone.  I don't know who.  But it would be nice if there was someone I could punch.

    I'm so sorry this didn't work.  I'll hold you and your 4 snowflakes in my thoughts. 
    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

  • First of all you did NOTHING wrong! Really absolutely NOTHING! 
    If laying down 20 minutes must be done no women in Scandinavia would succeed at IVF as we get the egg implanted get up and go /fly home. No bed rest here. Neither do we take a break from work. We are back the same or next day. 
    So please don't think about anything you did or didn't do. Cause there is absolutely NOTHING you could have done or not done.

    Fresh IVF is tough on your body, very tough. Full of hormones, not being its normal self, which may or may not be heavier on the body then a FET. 
    So don't give up hope. 
    This might even have been the first time your uterus received a fertilised egg and is wtf shall I do with this?
    Next time it'll be prepared.

    Do have the talk with your RE, tell him/her all your concerns. And do enjoy a little break to put your feelings back to happy positive ones.

    Dont give up. You are doing great!

    **********************************************************************************************************************************

    Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers



  • I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Don't give up yet. Take your time to grieve, cry, shout, scream and punch something. As stupid as it sounds, it gets easier with every day and you will recover and you will go back to your usual, strong self. 
    Thinking of you 
    Me: 38, DH: 40 living in Asia
    TTC since March 2015 with known PCOS and MIF
    IVF in 2015. FET nr 3 in 2016 - BFP. Healthy baby girl born in April 2017.
    Trying for nr 2

  • Just as comfort, maybe, our clinic does 99% FETs bc their success rate is higher but also the latest research shows it's more successful. Many times if the progesterone is too high before the ET it'll change the receptivity of the uterus. 
    ***Loss and success mentioned***
    Me:34, Wife: 32
    IF reasoning = MFI: Zero Sperm Count using FairFax donor bank
    IUI #1 - #3: 2011 = BFN
    IVF: 2011 = BFN, lost all 10 embryos (with C/Ps)
    Jan 2014 - OBGYN (not RE) found and removed wife's "field of" uterine polyps after failed IVF

    Moving on to surrogacy (actually a planned adoption)
    Surrogate IUI#1: 7.17.12 = BFP!! 15dpiui = 256, 17dpiui = 346
    Oliver Zane born - 3/29/2013 on Good Friday!

    IUI #4 - #6: 2014-2015 = BFN (with C/Ps)
    Switch sperm donors, start ketosis diet to reduce inflammation late 2015
    IVF 2: Jan and Feb 2016, 3 great looking, 8 cell 3 day embryos. Two ET, one frozen
    2.18.2016 (8dp3dt) = BFFP!
    2.22.2016 (12dp3dt) = 649!!

    Started foster care experience in 2012. Now waiting to adopt our foster daughter, 7, who has lived with us for 3 years. 


    "Wait for your God, and don't give up on Him - ever!" Hosea 12:6 (msg)

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    image
  • suchaglencocosuchaglencoco member
    edited February 2016
    ***bfp/ children mentioned***

    I agree with everything everyone said. It's hard to stop, but you need to no longer blame yourself or play the "what if" game. 

    We had a fresh cycle, one of the two implanted, split, then we lost them at 7 weeks. I thought like you. Our two best shots, only one took, and the other we lost so why do fet? No way those others with lower ratings will work.
    It was hard to wrap my mind around. 

    We took a couple of months off while my body and mind reset and the time off was amazing.  We didn't talk fertility, I wasn't doing constant shots, my mind wasn't constantly running on what step was next. We relaxed and reset as a couple and as individuals.  When the time for fet came around, I was a lot more calm and comfortable with it all. It was a lot less stressful for everyone. We did the transfer and I was a lot zen about it all. 
    That was last April and our 3rd and 4th embryos both took and are sleeping soundly in our room. I'm so happy I didn't give in or give up. And I am very thankful for the couple of months off to recenter myself.
    So it can definitely happen! 

    I wish you peace right now and hope your future fet yields amazing results! 
  • My heart hurts for you. Prayers that you find some peace and that the next transfer is it for you! Hang in there.
    Married May 2009, TTC since November 2012 (Together since 2006 ish - had my eyes on him since 2001)
    Me: 32 (33 in May), Him: 37 (January)

    DX: Me: High Prolactin, Possible Autoimmune Disease Issues, though RE not concerned (?)  New RE has a plan!!
           Him: Minor Varicocele, low morphology, slightly low count

    History:

    Beta 5/9/2016 BFP!!
    Embryo transfer scheduled for April 28, 2016 and beta test May 9, 2016 (day after Mother's Day!)
    Transfer Meds include: Lupron Depot (4/1), Minivelle Patch (every 3rd day), Estradiol (3x daily), Amoxicillin, Progesterone in Oil, Methylprednisonlone. Lovenox and baby asprin added after transfer. 

    3/22/16 - Sono Saline ultrasound cyst to be aspirated on 4/1/16 if not cleared up by 3/29 US - It cleared on its own
    Retrieval 3/4/16 - 26 eggs retrieved, 23 mature, 20 fertilized, 14 embryos currently frozen
    Starting IVF Stims on +/- Feb 22, 2016
    HSG scheduled for 1-26-16 - All clear "beautiful uterus" (though inverted)

    Switched clinics and now prepping for IVF in February / March

    Fourth IUI -  CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - December, 2015 - BFN
    Third IUI -  CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - November, 2015 - BFN
    Second IUI - CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - September, 2015 - BFN
    Started Prolactin Medication October 15 - Levels quickly regulated to with in normal range
    First IUI - CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - August, 2015 - BFN
    After no BFPs (ever) First RE/Urologist visit in Feb 2015
    HSG w/ OB, 2014 = all clear
    Trying to conceive since November 2012
  • don't give up.. I know its easy to say.. but keep fighting for this.
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