Late Term and Child Loss

Services for LO

Hi all.  Out due date is approaching (with a grim prognosis); and I'm trying to plan for cremations/funeral arrangements.  I'm curious what you all have done, would you have done anything different?  
DS1 - 9/18/12
DD1 - 3/23/16 - Survived for 1 Hour; Forever my Angel
Baby #3 - EDD: 4/14/2017

Re: Services for LO

  • @Lady_1981 I am sorry to hear of your sad situation.

    I don't have anything helpful to add. We cremated our son. We won't be having a funeral.  But maybe we will do a very private service in the spring with just myself,  DH, and our kids -- plant a tree and bury our son's ashes. 

    I would like to hear what other people have done and their thought process.
  • I'm so sorry for all that you are experiencing.
    We chose to cremate our son so that we could have him with us and to have the option to spread his ashes if we choose. But in all honesty it has been so nice to have him with us in our home - even if it wasn't the way we had planned. We also chose to have a private memorial service with only immediate family.
     Whatever you choose it needs to be what is best for you and your family - there is no right or wrong.
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  • I'm so very sorry.
    we chose to cremate and had a private service with immediate family. Whatever you choose is okay.
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 
  • We also chose to cremate. Will likely have a service in the spring. Also want to plant a tree in her memor.
  • I'm very sorry. We initially planned on cremation, but decided instead to bury our baby next to my husband's father. We had a small graveside service with family. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm so sorry.  There are no good options when it comes to making these decisions.  We also chose cremation because of the possibility of moving.  My husband built a box for her ashes.  I have one of her baby blankets to hold at night, and whenever else I need it. Our plans are for her to be buried with us when we die.  I have a friend who also lost her baby, and she has his remains in a teddy bear for her to hold. 

    In case you haven't heard of this, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a wonderful organization that has a network of local photographers who take very professional pictures and provide the digital images to the parents at no charge (so you can print them on your own).  They operate off of donations.  The pictures they took for us are something I do not know what I would do without. 

    We lost our first, our little girl unexpectedly during delivery in December (suspected cord complication).  We did a full funeral.  Since we're from a large family, there's no way we could have limited it to just immediate family, and we didn't want to.  To us, she was a full person and deserved everything and more than we could manage.  It was an absolute whirlwind to plan, and I was very fortunate to have had a very easy physical recovery from labor.  We did not get much, if any, sleep (but I couldn't sleep anyways), and we did not have much time to process everything that week, but I do not regret the service one bit.  For us, it was the right decision.  Family and friends stepped in to help get everything together in time, and putting together a beautiful service was very healing for us.  We saw it as the one chance we would get to publicly show our love for her.  Yes, it was incredibly hard, and I cried through the entire service, but we also got see how many people loved us, supported us, loved her and were grieving with us.  Having a full service kind of forced us to be open and raw with our family and friends from the very beginning of this journey - strengthening a bond that we have definitely been relying on through this journey. 

    I hope you can find some peace about what is right for you and your family.  When you think of the options, the one that calms your heart the slightest bit is probably the right choice for you.  

  • Our daughter was born sleeping on Wendnesday.  We cremated her and will be having an informal visitation on Saturday to honour her.  We have found it helpful to write out the obituary and plan the visitation. As hard as it has been, it has allowed us to process things more openly as a couple and with family.  The obituary was a way of telling people about her passing without having to tell them one by one. 
  • We cremated and the funeral home we were with were able to put some of her ashes in a beautiful ring (for me) and in a pendant that my DH picked out that goes on his chain. Having a piece of her with him and I everywhere we go is a constant reminder that she will always be with us. If you decide to go with a cremation I highly recommend looking into the jewelry they have. 
    As for her service we had a very small burial with a close minister and immediate family only. DH and I said a few words then we all took turns laying Lily's in the grave with her. Everyone left afterwards and my DH and I stay behind and covered the hole.. I think that had the biggest impact on my relationship with my husband, just burying her gave us both so much closure and really brought us together. 

    Ill be thinking and praying for your family. <3 
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