Frustrated and upset

EvaD84

I have a 1 month old baby girl and an almost 18 yr old lazy ass step-son at home. The past week i have been getting frustrated, upset and overwhelmed with everything i have to do... In addition to usual mummy duties of feeding, diaper changing, bathing, burping baby, cuddling/carrying her and putting her to sleep i do laundry, broom/mop house, change kitty litter, wash dishes, cook dinner, iron hubby's work clothes and now step son expects i clean his dirty dishes too... I am sleep deprived while he sleeps practically all day long, he locks himself in his room all day even when baby constantly cries during the day and he doesn't even open his door to check.. Even when baby is in distress and losing her voice from crying he remains in his room... I don't have breakfast or lunch or anytime to breast pump as baby is formula fed as i don't have much breast milk... Yesterday, despite being told by his dad a few days ago he needs to wash his dirty dishes as he lazily dumps them in the sink, he dumps all dirty/used cutlery, utensils and mugs in the sink and a saucepan with caked on burger fat on the stove since morning till 5.40pm and i ended up cleaning it despite him coming to sink and kitchen several times during the day. Baby started crying whilst i washed his dishes and i just let her cry for a few mins whilst i washed his dirty dishes. I feel overwelmed but i suck it up but now i just can't take it anymore. Is asking stepson to take a minute to wash his dishes too much to ask when i am busy doing everything else whilst u sleep/eat in your room and play computer games all day long?? I am sleep deprived and yesterday had only 2 muesli bars and maybe 2 cups of water all day and after washing his dirty dishes, he dumps a dirty plate in sink and that just made me lose it... I had no appetite to eat and hubby got home asking what i was cooking and i kept silent at 1st, then Baby cries and he asked when she was fed i'm like 6pm, 7pm i don't know. Then hubby asks why i'm not eating dinner with him like i normally do and i just say i'm not hungry and he knows something is wrong but is too afraid to ask. He thinks its the baby making me feel this way as she non-stop cried yesterday... I felt like saying to hubby i just let the baby cry whilst i washed ur kids dirty dishes because apparently to his son thats a priority, and when ur baby cried i couldn't be bothered talking to her to calm her down like i normally do, i just carried her and she ended up crying more till losing her voice. I felt like saying she could cry 10mins and be in crying distress and starting to lose her voice and stepson won't care to check... Woke up 3.40am to feed and diaper change baby and she smiled at me several times and its these moments that get me through the day and all this crap i deal with..... I didn't want to lose it with hubby yesterday after his long day at work over his son because we would have gotten into a fight over what i would have said to him and we never fight but i just feel there are 2 families in this household (me, baby and hubby) and (hubby and his son). Tried to breast pump last night and hardly anything came out which i'm not surprised as i'm stressed out, frustrated and surviving on nothing but pure determination to raise our child with good values.... I'm sure there are many mums that feel like this and i'm so lucky i could confide in my dad as he has helped alot. I'm sure hubby will message me whilst he's at work today or ask me tonight when i act the same way as yesterday... If same thing happens today with stepson, i'm not having dinner again and will just take baby to bedroom and won't answer even if hubby asks in front of his son... I just have no mood, appetite to eat now and i know thats not good... I'm just venting here thats all... And to my baby girl, i don't regret having you as you are the best thing to happen to me after your dad and i love you very much and i hope i have the strength to soldier on like many mums do.

brintie76

You need to tell your husband exactly how you feel. It's your home too, you have responsibilities to care for yourself, the new baby and your home. You need to lay down some rules regarding the 18 yr old and his behavior and responsibilities if he wants to continue living there.  Explain to your husband that the new rules need to be enforced and that's that.

EvaD84

I agree brintie76. This morning i was feeding baby and hubby says if baby hasn't been well all day and i haven't had time to cook then just order take out and get his son to pick it up and he gives me a hundred but i didn't even reply. He asked me whats wrong as i've been like this since last night and if i thought him going to work was just for fun like i'm mad at him He wanted to take baby from me to feed and burp her and i said leave her with me and he asked whats wrong and i just started crying and wouldn't say anything... He sat next to me for 5-10 mins asking me whats wrong and to tell him and at that point all i wanted was to hold our baby and just stare at her. He said he loved me when i started crying Hubby said he had no mood to go to work when i'm like this but after 10 mins sitting next to me and hugging me and telling me to look at him he said he had to go to work... I just wasn't in the mood to talk this morning when i've slept only 2 hours. Baby vomited 4 times in past 30 mins and i'm just trying to be strong for her

blended10

I'm a step-mom, too. I have 2 sk's that came to live with us full-time after my ds was born (5+ years ago). They were 14/16 at the time so I get it! The older is out of the house now but the younger is still here, attending college, and meanwhile I have another baby - nearly 2 months. I'm also a sahm.
heres what I think about the dishes & laundry- go buy a tub, doesn't haven't to be large, and put ss' dishes in the tub so they are not in your way. Leave them in front of his door. Tell hubby that's what your doing bc it's too much. 
Let it pile up. Let daddy deal with it. My sd's laundry piles up for days. I move it aside. She can do it. There is no discussion. 
Take care of yourself. Make yourself a priority. For you & your lo. Speak up to your hubby. You are tired & hungry & stressed - of course! Not to mention hormones! Go take that hundred - give the baby to dad - and go get a massage. Or whatever your thing is. 
Be good to you, mama!! 

Disneygeek77

I was going to say what Blended said.  Go to the store, buy him his own tub or bucket and put all of his dirty dishes in it.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I know when I had my first, all my husband did was complain about how much sleep he wasn't getting.  I guess he needs 8 hours of deep uninterrupted sleep or else he " can't function."  Meanwhile I am trying to survive not only major abdominal surgery but having a new baby and two or three hour spurts of sleep at a time.  I swear I used to sit at home and have fantasies of taking the baby with me and staying at a hotel with a nice free breakfast and night time snacks.  

EvaD84

Disneygeek and blended my dad actually told me to dump his dirty dishes in a box... Yesterday whilst hubby was at work he wasn't feeling well and saw a dr and he had high blood pressure which he never gets. He has for a while been stressed out over his son's behaviour and sent a text message to his son that said he needs to be more attentive and show respect to elders and not just leave the house without telling anyone and when dad tells him off or says something, that his son shouldn't get angry at him. Hubby also told him that he never treats our baby like his own sister and ignores her and hubby asked if me or him did something to make him feel this way as i told hubby not once has his son come to pat baby or sit next to her and he just looks or ignores her.. Step son was freaking out when he got hubbies message and was about to cry. So i am giving benefit of the doubt that it was unintentional and said to hubby you men are all the same. You need to be told or given specific instructions and can't take the initiative and see geez mummy must be overwhelmed and stressed so i'll help tidy a bit or ask if she needs help watching the baby whilst she finishes some housework stuff Disneygeek i know the feeding times and waking up for it is exhausting. Usually after baby has fallen asleep and u have fallen asleep it could be an hour later baby wakes up so i definitely cherish my 1 cup of freshly brewed coffee as that gets me through the day. Yesterday was hubbys nephews family officially meeting his girlfriends family and nephews mum asked hubby to come along as in our culture you have to state ur intentions to the girls parents to show respect etc and 2 days ago i told hubby i wasn't coming along to play nice and pretend everything is ok in front of his family but dad said to be the better person and not blame hubby or his family for whats going on. Dad said you've explained yourself and hubby has been middle man to make sure son is more aware of his actions and how it affects others and small gestures/actions do make a difference so i told hubby i would go and he was very happy about it... Dad said hubby is worth so much more than holding a grudge over stepson... Its such a relief to let everything out in my hormonal, overwhelmes and sleep deprive state and yesterday i caught up on sleep which made me feel better

blended10

I'm glad your hubby spoke with ss about his behavior. Now you'll have to give them both a chance to improve. Just keep taking care of yourself & your baby. Teenagers are dumb. We were, they are- it's so we don't mind when they leave, I think. Lol 

rynalicia

I am so sorry you are going through that! You definitely need to be open with how you are feeling or your feelings are just going to get deeper and deeper. And, you are right a lot probably has to do with sleep! I know it always did and does for me. 

Alicia
www.katemaeve.com