Bedtime struggles

rachswi

Hey ladies.

LO is 12 weeks old and for the last 2ish weeks, bedtime has been a major struggle. Our bedtime routine hasn't changed (change diaper, put on pajamas, lavender oil on feet, nurse, bounce on yoga ball if he didn't fall asleep nursing) but for the last 2 weeks, LO will not go to sleep easily. He'll nurse for about 2 minutes then pull off and fuss and get mad if I try to relatch him. When he fusses like this, I bounce him on the yoga ball to calm him back down (and occasionally he'll fall asleep). When he falls asleep, whether it's by nursing or bouncing, and we put him in his crib, he wakes up in less than 10 minutes and screams until we pick him back up and start the whole process again. Usually once I've put him down to sleep once, he'll decide he was actually hungry and will nurse longer (though often still ends up fussing and angry rather than satisfied and sleepy)

Its been taking 2+ hours to get him to go to sleep because we have to alternate between nursing, bouncing, and picking back up from the crib after he's fallen asleep. We put him down to sleep at least 3 times most nights before he is actually asleep and staying asleep. It's so frustrating!

We have tried moving his bedtime earlier in case he's overtired but that doesn't seem to be it since regardless of when we start the bedtime routine (usually around 6:30 now), he will not go to sleep until 1.5-2 hours later. Tips or ideas on what we can do?? I don't want bedtime to take this long or be such a fight!

Ceridwen77

Do you use white noise? It's been a lifesaver for us!

rachswi

Yes we do. May need to change the sound though (it's a heavy rain sound right now)... It seems like he gets wise to the sound and knows it puts him to sleep so if he doesn't want to sleep he'll fight the sound 

AmoLovesAud

How long is he going between feeds in the evening?  Maybe his nightime feed is too close to his previous one so he's only 'snacking', or too far away and he's getting hangry and frustrated?  My LO wants to do the on-and-off boob playing thing for an hour or 2 some nights, I think she's comfort nursing and/or slowly enjoying a large meal.  I just leave my shirt open and let her sort herself out with that and watch TV quietly.  Maybe your kiddo is trying to do something like that?

MargaretC5

@rachswi Did you mention in another thread that your son was sick?  If so, that can mess up their schedule.  Once they are better they may need to get used to the regular routine again, like jet lag after vacation. 
If it was not your LO that was sick, just ignore me.

Lolo427

This is literally us. Seriously, I could have written this post. Ball bouncing for hours, immediate wake ups, all of it. What I will say was last night was our 6th or 7th night of the routine and it took DD foreverrrrrr to get to sleep BUT we had the best night of sleep we've had in weeks. Maybe it was a freak thing or maybe it was the regression/ spurt calming down and she gets the routine now. Not sure. Super frustrating but keep it up!!!

VexedMommy

Does your son take a pacifier?  For night sleeps after Bridget has finished her bottle and is drowsy but not quite asleep I slip in a pacifier and I can put her in the crib that way.  She drops the paci when she goes into deep sleep. 

Also instead of bouncing maybe you could try a method that works for us (we have no yoga ball.) You can cover your legs with a blanket, put your knees up with legs touching, and put baby on your thighs.  Then you gently rock baby side to side with your legs and allowing the legs to separate and your knees to lower as baby gets sleepier.  The baby naturally creates slack in the blanket and sinks towards a more horizontal position.  I usually do this while I'm on the couch watching TV and the position we end up in is fairly comfortable so we stay like that until I think she's in a fairly deep sleep and then I move her. 

rachswi

@AmoLovesAud it kind of varies by night when his previous feed is but usually it's somewhere around 4:45-5 and then he starts eating before bed around 6:45-7 so I don't think he'd be hangry or snacking. But I tried pumping last night and giving him a bottle in case he was in his "too tired to eat too hungry to sleep" state and I only got a ½ ounce total out of both boobs. I know there was more in there than that but it seems my flow is suuuuper slow at the end of the day (and I do think my supply has taken a hit since he hasn't been eating as much these last few days thanks to his cold)

@margaretc5 - yes he has a pretty stubborn cold that's turned him into a little Snuffalufagus but his bedtime struggles started at least a week before the cold did. It seems like the cold is just making things worse. It could be that he was in a growth spurt and now he's got the cold so it's been one thing after another...

@Lolo427 - nice to know I'm not alone! hopefully we'll get there and sleep won't be such a fight!

@vexedmommy- he doesn't usually take a pacifier - only when we're outside the home (and even then not always). I got him to fall asleep once with a pacifier but haven't been successful since. Also he won't sleep on his back so I'm not sure I'd be able to do the hammock (although maybe I'd actually get him to sleep on his back if he fell asleep that way!) I'll try it tonight to see if we can make it work. 

angelinthepit23

Def try switching up the white noise, our LO got keen to the hairdryer so we switched to basic white noise and it seems to work. We were having trouble with naps, not bedtime. Is he in a leap? I can't remember if there was one around 12 weeks. We're almost at 11 and I remember there being another one soon. Wonder Weeks app has been a lifesaver for the - why the F is this happening lol

doodleoodle

There have been a few occasions where my back and feet were killing me from bobbing and swaying all day and LO waking up as soon as we laid down that I just "gave up" and laid down with her awake and she curled into me and went to sleep. It's only worked 3 times and it's a long shot but maybe you could try it? At the very least you'll get a few minutes of rest before you have to resume bouncing (hopefully).

VexedMommy

Another option, which may or may not fall within your parenting philosophy, is a version of CIO that I call Cuddle It Out.  Bridget gets super fussy right before going to sleep so I either put her in the carrier and continue doing what needs to be done or sit in a quiet dimly lit room holding her.  She's far from snuggly during that time and gives little pissed off cries, then fusses a little, but then goes to sleep and stays asleep fairly well if it's her usual sleep time. 

ETA:  This is pretty much used as a last resort after I've exhausted other methods and made sure she's not fussing for a reason that I can solve such as hunger or temperature and I've already tried gripe water.  The crying part typically lasts 1 - 5 minutes, the fussing for just a few and then the sleep takes over.   

rachswi

VexedMommy said:

Another option, which may or may not fall within your parenting philosophy, is a version of CIO that I call Cuddle It Out.  Bridget gets super fussy right before going to sleep so I either put her in the carrier and continue doing what needs to be done or sit in a quiet dimly lit room holding her.  She's far from snuggly during that time and gives little pissed off cries, then fusses a little, but then goes to sleep and stays asleep fairly well if it's her usual sleep time. 

That's a good idea. Zeke is far from cuddly when he's fighting sleep (because he knows he's tired and would fall asleep) so maybe a "forced" cuddle time would work. 

helsbels222

We are going through this too! Last couple nights are torture. I've stopped swaddling her arms in and nurse her until she passes out and when I transfer her into the bassinet, I say a little prayer and hope for the best. I am going to eliminate her evening nap and put her in bed instead. Also, since she eats and eats instead of going to bed, I am waking her up during the day often to eat and maybe that will do it. Does your son take a late nap?

GoogleMD

VexedMommy said:

Another option, which may or may not fall within your parenting philosophy, is a version of CIO that I call Cuddle It Out.  Bridget gets super fussy right before going to sleep so I either put her in the carrier and continue doing what needs to be done or sit in a quiet dimly lit room holding her.  She's far from snuggly during that time and gives little pissed off cries, then fusses a little, but then goes to sleep and stays asleep fairly well if it's her usual sleep time. 

I do this sometimes. I turn the ceiling fan on low ( because what is more entertaining than a fan), pop a paci in, and lay with him on our bed until he relents and settles. Usually only takes a couple min. 

rachswi

helsbels222 said:

We are going through this too! Last couple nights are torture. I've stopped swaddling her arms in and nurse her until she passes out and when I transfer her into the bassinet, I say a little prayer and hope for the best. I am going to eliminate her evening nap and put her in bed instead. Also, since she eats and eats instead of going to bed, I am waking her up during the day often to eat and maybe that will do it. Does your son take a late nap?

Sometimes yes sometimes no. He's so erratic no matter what I try. Some days he sleeps till 10 am. Other days he's up at 7 and won't go back to sleep (even though he went to bed at the same time). Some days he naps from about 3:30-4 or 4:30. Other days he falls asleep at more like 5 or 5:30 and sleeps till 6...

hes 12 weeks old and yet to figure out a real routine. I've tried but he won't go for it and he's still too young for me to feel comfortable pushing it. 

SJFTCA

Is he napping too much or in long spurts during the day? I keep all of LO's naps (he's now taking 3-4 naps a day at 12.5 weeks) to no more than two hours each. He also doesn't take anything but a catnap (30-45 mins) after his supper feeding at 5:00, and sometimes he doesn't sleep at all during that period. We had a lot of trouble with his sleep when we were letting him sleep too much during the evening. 

rachswi

I wish he would get a 2 hour nap in. He's probably not getting enough sleep because it can literally take up to an hour and a half to get him to take a 30-45 minute nap. Doesn't matter where he sleeps (crib, swing, on me, etc.) he wakes up after 45 minutes. We usually get 3 maybe 4 of those in per day.

full disclosure, I'm currently pretending to poop so my husband has to deal with putting no the baby down for a nap. Momma is tired!

lanire

I am going through something similar too My LO used to go down without a fuss. We had a little cold last week and ever since sleeping has been a nightmare. It takes forever to get him down, but what's worse is that even if he's soundly asleep in the crib, he will wake up within an hour and would cry really hard. He takes a pacifier generally, but it won't be enough to calm him back down. Basically unless I am holding him, he will keep walking up every 30 minutes throughout the night. I've resorted to co-sleeping to get any sleep at all. It's super weird because until now he was a decent sleeper.

helsbels222

Last night I started at 8pm to try to get her to sleep and she finally fell asleep shortly after 5am. Non stop crying and bfing for 9 hrs. I was so close to jumping out the window. Cannot wait for this phase to be over!

rachswi

helsbels222 said:

Last night I started at 8pm to try to get her to sleep and she finally fell asleep shortly after 5am. Non stop crying and bfing for 9 hrs. I was so close to jumping out the window. Cannot wait for this phase to be over!

it's nights like that which make me understand why cry it out became a thing. Hope tonight goes better for you!!!

helsbels222

rachswi said:

helsbels222 said:

Last night I started at 8pm to try to get her to sleep and she finally fell asleep shortly after 5am. Non stop crying and bfing for 9 hrs. I was so close to jumping out the window. Cannot wait for this phase to be over!

it's nights like that which make me understand why cry it out became a thing. Hope tonight goes better for you!!!

***QBF***

Thanks! Hope your nights are getting better!

VexedMommy

helsbels222 said:

Last night I started at 8pm to try to get her to sleep and she finally fell asleep shortly after 5am. Non stop crying and bfing for 9 hrs. I was so close to jumping out the window. Cannot wait for this phase to be over!

I just want to send some creepy internet hugs your way.

helsbels222

VexedMommy said:

helsbels222 said:

Last night I started at 8pm to try to get her to sleep and she finally fell asleep shortly after 5am. Non stop crying and bfing for 9 hrs. I was so close to jumping out the window. Cannot wait for this phase to be over!

I just want to send some creepy internet hugs your way.

Thank you 

rachswi

@helsbels222 was last night better? Zeke went to bed in about an hour but then woke up lots during the night and screamed bloody murder at DH when he tried to give him a bottle so I could rest. So today Zeke is tired and grumps and DH is playing the "our baby hates me so I won't do anything" game. 

helsbels222

Well she finally went to sleep at 3am so I guess it was an improvement lol.

Oh no! So sorry to hear it was another rough night. Maybe tell your DH that it's the bottle LO doesn't like and that's why he screamed. Fingers crossed for tonight. Hope you can try to get some rest today.

VexedMommy

rachswi said:

@helsbels222 was last night better? Zeke went to bed in about an hour but then woke up lots during the night and screamed bloody murder at DH when he tried to give him a bottle so I could rest. So today Zeke is tired and grumps and DH is playing the "our baby hates me so I won't do anything" game. 

Time for a good long poop.  Lol. 

rachswi

Lol well I had my dentist appointment so he had to watch Zeke. Zeke's been asleep on top of him since I left 2 hours ago. But sure - he obviously hates his daddy. 

Petal19

It could be growing pains, my LO was like that for a week and is now sleeping 4-6 hr stretch after a 2 hr start. Have been doing half crib and half cosleeping with me dream feeding him. Now he's napping again too. It's painful to grow hence its called growing pains!

poupoule

Mine did that a lot, almost every night it took me 2 hours to get her to sleep. But I figured the trick, with her, when she screams, I manage to really place the breast again in her mouth and after all that excitement-she latches again and eats hungrily more before calming down and sleeping. It took me a while to understand it because it looked like I wanted to harm her when I gave her the breast, it looked like she really did not want it but actually she is just too tired/excited/hungry to wait to be full to get to sleep. 

Its like she wants an instant feeding but looks like she is in pain. It only happens when she has been awake more than 2hr in a row.

angelinthepit23

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. LO has been an awesome sleeper at night since day 1, he would only wake up to eat or if he was wet/dirty. Now at 11 weeks he usually wakes up once to eat. He's still waking around 5 and having one hell of a time getting him back to sleep after. Then a few day ago I started having problems getting him down after his bedtime bottle. So any day now I'm anticipating that he will start randomly waking up throughout the night or deciding he doesn't want to go to bed. 

rachswi

@poupoule that makes sense. Usually what I end up having to do is get him to "sleep" then he will wake up about 5 minutes later and realize he's hungry and is more willing to eat. usually I have to do that a few times before he's actually satisfied though

smnewby

We have changed up our bedtime routine recently and things are going so smooth its scary! LO is 14 weeks at present. 

I had been nursing or rocking LO to sleep but if she awoke as I places her into the crib or shortly after it was a struggle to get her situated again. 

So we began feeding her and rousing her a little before placing her into the crib. We make sure she opens her eyes, we give her a pacifier, lay her in bed, and I massage her face a little and she goes out like a light!

I had read that by waking them before placing them in the crib they know where they are going to sleep at and arent disoriented when they suddenly awake in the crib after falling asleep at the boob or rocking in a chair. It made sense to me and has worked for us for the past week or so. 

helsbels222

@rachswi have your nights been getting any better?

rachswi

@helsbels222 we were getting better. But last night it took him 2 hours again. And then he woke up every 2 hours. I think he's experiencing some growing pains because he's almost outgrown his 3-6 month clothes that we just started putting him in a week and a half ago. How have your nights gone?

helsbels222

@rachswi definitely sounds like growing pains. Poor LO and poor mommy. Hope it gets better for you soon. Do you have family around so someone can watch him for a fee hrs while you rest?

It's getting better for us. Still takes a while to get to sleep but once she does, she's out for at least 6-8 hrs and mommy got a 3 hour nap today so can't complain.

rachswi

@helsbels222 I wish we had family close. We both have siblings who live an hour away but they wouldn't be able to come during the day. And Zeke just woke for the first time tonight.... Took me 1.5 hours to get him to bed and he's awake 3 hours later. Not a good start to bedtime. 

I keep thinking he's got to give me a long stretch of sleep but he clearly thinks otherwise lol. I'm glad you get to enjoy your rest even if it's a chore get there!

helsbels222

@rachswi remember this will pass. He'll give you long stretches before you know it. My first would wake up every two hours to eat around the clock until he was about 3.5 months and then he slept for 4-6 hr stretches. It's so crazy how different these children are. One was predictable and the other is so not. I think the expected is much easier to cope with then the unexpected. Like how long will it take to get to sleep tonight. I've been trying since 830 and it is just after 1am now.

Hope your LO goes back to sleep fast.