Not ttc

mrt

We weren't trying to get pregnant when we did. Now that it has ended in a miscarriage, we think we want to wait until the end of the summer to try again, as that was our original plan. This was what I thought initially, and my husband is saying that this is what makes sense. I'm starting to feel like I want to try sooner, like as soon as we're allowed to. Logically I see the reasons to wait until we had originally planned, but emotionally, it doesn't make sense to me that I'm not pregnant right now, and I just really want to be. I guess I don't really have a question, just venting and wondering if anybody has been in that situation and has some insight about what they decided and why.

chloe97

I can't answer your question because we were TTC (though somewhat half-heartedly) when we got pregnant. All I can say is that I think many women in this board will echo your sentiment about feeling like they need to get pregnant again as soon as possible to fill the void. I think that it's natural to want to, for lack of a better term, "replace" what you loss. Anniversaries will come and people will announce pregnancies and it will be painful. Having another pregnancy will help (at least I assume it will) lessen the pain of the first loss. 

I'm so sorry for your loss and good luck with whichever direction you decide to go!

kayham12

For us DH seems on board with getting pregnant right away, I'm not so sure. We weren't really trying to get pregnant when we did with our loss. I'd be lying if I said my pregnancy didn't cause a lot of stress. We were going to have 2u2, I was considering a career change and looking for a new child care provider for 2u2. I still have so much guilt about feeling burdened by the baby that's now gone. We were planning on trying for number 2 now, but I don't know if I'm ready. Some days I feel like I NEED to be pregnant, I'm supposed to be pregnant. Other days I just can't imagine it. I don't have the answer for you, I guess I'm venting also. I remember your story from the miscarriage board, ours were about the same time. Although I'm not happy we are meeting this way, it is nice to not feel so alone in this journey. 

mrt

@kayham12 it is nice to not feel alone. Thanks. 

LaurenAsh23

I'm sorry for your loss.

if you're not "trying" does that mean you will prevent? Maybe just don't prevent until summer and then "try" if you need to!? We "tried" with our first pregnancy. It took a year and was exhausting (bbt, opks...). We lost our first pregnancy. Since then with all of our pregnancies we have taken time to just let nature take its course and I have found it to be a lot easier on me. Just my 2 cents. 

FireInWonderland

Personally, you can just not prevent if that's how you feel - so you're not actively trying and still sticking to your plan, but you could still get pregnant sooner. After MC #3 DH and I are actively avoiding my fertile window until test results are in, and after that we will NTNP until July. We don't seem to have an issue getting pregnant, but we can't stay pregnant. And I don't want to be pregnant again for a while because I've felt like I was perpetually in the first tri for over 1/2 a year. Thankfully DH and I are together on this but I'm sure we will have to discuss things again when the results come. I know DH is really ready for his first baby. 

DinosaurJumper

I totally agree with pp. The month before DH and I were planning on TTC, we knocked off all the methods that we used for years, and had completely unprotected sex for the first time...ever. It was weird, it was a stressful month so I remember we only actually BD like twice, and I didn't know ovulation happened two weeks into one's cycle (Had to learn a lot of the basics quickly after that) and so we accidentally got pg that cycle. We totally freaked and were excited but I woke up to blood the next morning. I feel like TTC can be mind-numbing and you really want it, but it feels different once you've actually gotten pg. Like, it can actually happen? It, at least for me, awoke the desire of wanting a child more than I had thought was ever possible. And then we had a loss at 9 weeks later on, just after we blabbed to everyone the news (Got a lot of shit for that) and I just wanted to get pg again and feel that happiness and excitement and actually be a parent one day. But really I think it was me just wanting to turn back time before the loss. We can't do that, it hurts, but we have to cry, accept it, and try to move on. Good Luck though I hope you get your rainbow baby and sorry about the novel.

FireInWonderland

@DinosaurJumper well said. 

mrt

Thanks for your input. I'm thinking about going back onto bc pill for a few months, so preventing. I'm okay with it, and dh is really dead set against another surprise pregnancy at this moment. 

mylittleversailles

Ttc is definitely a collaborative decision, but I absolutely understand the need to feel as though you are doing something, anything, or maybe even everything you can after devastating loss.