Donor Egg Hesitation

AmyReneeF

Looking for advice about donor eggs.  My DH and I have been TTC for three years.  We have unexplained infertility, but I am 41 and he is 49. My ovarian reserve is good in spite of my age.  Just finished our first try at IVF, which ended in 3 embryos testing abnormally after PGS.  We ended up with no viable eggs to transfer.  We are contemplating another round of IVF or using donor eggs.  At first I wasn't open to the idea, but now I am considering it.  DH is adopted and it would be his only chance at knowing a blood relative.  He still says no to a donor because he wants it to be my genetics as well.  Just looking for stories about using a donor egg and how couples dealt with it only being the genetics of one person involved.  I would like to hear both positive and negatives.  Thank you!  

peregrinefalconx

Have you scrolled through this board? Lots of good stories.

I'm 40 and my husband is almost 45. We had three losses, after getting preg quite easily, due to a DOR status, supposedly. I was told that IVF was not an option for me, despite that my insurance would have paid for me to get three rounds.

We made the difficult decision to pursue donor eggs. It was just too important to us to risk not having a child and this seemed like a good option, chosen over straight adoption. I wanted the experience of being pregnant, but never ruled out that it could have happened naturally. He, and I, did not want to wait any longer or suffer anymore. I was blessed with this baby, and am now 23w, after our first try. I was given an opportunity that many women of the past, and today, are not offered. And we can finally start our family.

I still have grief over not bearing my own genetic child and I see a special therapist for it. I see kids who look just like their parents and it makes me sad that I won't have that. I wonder what kind of complications it might bring up in her life, for her emotionally. And whether I will be mature enough to not let my own feelings of "aloneness" in this affect a child/adult. My DH feels strongly that a baby is a baby and it doesn't matter to him at all where that baby comes from, my family feels the same.

Over all, I am 1000% happy that I chose this option. I wonder what role the fascinating new science of epigenetics will play in me affecting her. My DNA will be in her, even if she doesn't have my genes. It's a complicated and expensive decision, emotionally fraught. I often find myself ruing that I haven't "honored" my family, while simultaneously hoping she looks like my pretty donor (and not my husbands family! I'm terrible, I know), and being grateful that I won't have to worry about my own family's weird traits being passed on to her. I think using a DE is all about carrying multiple emotions at once, with the payoff (hopefully) being that you finally get your baby!

herfst80

I totally agree with pp; after 6 years ttc with my own eggs, i'm pregnant now at the first try with donoreggs of my best friend. The not passing my genes part is the hardest, and still thinking about that..but it's manageble (otherwise i would't went through with this)..I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and still can't believe sometimes i'm really having my own baby! Good luck with your decision and journey!

asmith40

I'm 41 and my egg count is very low thus egg quality is very poor. After a lot of crying DH and I decided to go with a donor egg. The fertility nurse showed us about 10 donor profiles with full medical histories along with the donors baby pictures. We picked a donor that kind of looked like me. We also had to be interviewed by a psychiatrist, as do the donors. We fertilized 10 eggs with husbands sperm and 7 survived. We transferred 1 embryo last spring and on Dec 11 I gave birth to a 8lb 14oz baby boy that looks JUST like my husband! I was a little concerned how I would feel towards this child that is not biologically mine. I can honestly tell you that he is my life! I love him more every day. Sometimes my hubby and I will stand over his bed while he's sleeping and just look at him in amazement! No regrets here, in fact we plan to transfer another embryo late this summer. We want our son to have a sibling and since we'll both turn 42 this year we can't afford to wait

plumeria05

@asmith40 congratulations on your baby boy.  My DH and I also went the donor route since of the low egg quality at 40 and I'm 13 weeks pregnant.  I hope my son looks like his dad as well .  I haven't met him yet but I am so I love with him.  Congrats on your baby and good luck with your next transfer. 

AmyReneeF

Thank you everyone for your honest and heartfelt responses.  DH and I have a lot of thinking and praying to do.  I love hearing everyone's stories and opinions on this subject.  There is definitely lots of perspectives, but one thing is clear... these babies are loved unconditionally and I guess that is all that really matters.  

Angelic789

Hi, Ammy! I'm sorry you're going through this emotional roller coaster. I know how heartbreaking this decision might be. We were also in the case of egg donation. I had endo and PCOS by the time we planned to try for a baby. But the story went on more complicated. This was my issue, DH is absolutely ok. ^ years ago had 2 miscarriages in a row. Due to this fact,  my age and medical history (Last test results came in with poor morphology - my eggs of a very poor quality. Doc gave only 5% verdict of conceiving with OE.) so we made ourselves to look onto egg donation as our last step before adoption. It was so emotionally hard from the very beginning I couldn't help crying. But later after talking to many lovely people on the forums facing the same decision we got used to the idea. This IS the chance to keep biological relation (even though only of one of the parents).
This was our 3rd shot in Biotexcom clinic after which we finally got pregnant. I'm 35 weeks now. Waiting for the great day soon Now looking back I don't take this fact the same I did before. No tragedy about using DE is left. We're happy intended parents and each time I feel my son hits me into the ribs I know he's absolutely mine!!
May God bless you on this path, hun. Wish you all the best of luck in the world!!!

phibs4

Angelic789 said:

Hi, Ammy! I'm sorry you're going through this emotional roller coaster. I know how heartbreaking this decision might be. We were also in the case of egg donation. I had endo and PCOS by the time we planned to try for a baby. But the story went on more complicated. This was my issue, DH is absolutely ok. ^ years ago had 2 miscarriages in a row. Due to this fact,  my age and medical history (Last test results came in with poor morphology - my eggs of a very poor quality. Doc gave only 5% verdict of conceiving with OE.) so we made ourselves to look onto egg donation as our last step before adoption. It was so emotionally hard from the very beginning I couldn't help crying. But later after talking to many lovely people on the forums facing the same decision we got used to the idea. This IS the chance to keep biological relation (even though only of one of the parents).
This was our 3rd shot in Biotexcom clinic after which we finally got pregnant. I'm 35 weeks now. Waiting for the great day soon Now looking back I don't take this fact the same I did before. No tragedy about using DE is left. We're happy intended parents and each time I feel my son hits me into the ribs I know he's absolutely mine!!
May God bless you on this path, hun. Wish you all the best of luck in the world!!!

Your story gives me hope. My husband and I also can't conceive a baby naturally. Our only option is ivf with donor egg. I have so many doubts. But your words, how you're describing your feelings about your baby, make me believe I'll also love my child. I hope all my concerns will be wiped out as soon as I feel baby inside. Could you please tell more details about this clinic? Did you like their service? How is their medicine? As I got it, this clinic is situated in Ukraine. It's not a secret they have a war now. And also their economic situation is not in a good condition now. Is it a good time to go there now? May I ask how much did you pay? I hope this is not too much...I'll understand if you are not comfortable to answer some questions) I'll be grateful for any information! I wish you and your baby all the best!

Angelic789

Hi, lovely ladies! Have got a little update for you. Seems a few weeks I haven't been on the board. But this is due to some marvelous news My lovely baby boy saw this world on 18 May!!! So we're officially PARENTS now which is so cool and almost unbelievable! So right now with all my extremely happy soul I cannot stop sharing my positivity an encouraging all of you, lovely people, to believe in what you're doing! We were looking forward this great date so long... and our rainbow finally appeared turning our lives for better forever. I feel great gratitude for everyone involved into the process. The Biotexcom staff showed their devotion to our situation up to the end. They are kind and lovely people who helped us to go through all this with dignity. And I'm so entirely thankful to all of them.
We had 5 shots, and it took us 3 of them to achieve pregnancy. (That was quite unexpectedly due to our intricate circumstances). I wish all of you, lovely ladies here and everywhere lots of baby dust. Let this journey have happy end only for all of you, hugs