Ask a STM anything about child birth!

townsley2015

I was lurking on the June board and saw this discussion come up and thought it would be a great one to start here as well!! 

So here's how it works:
-First time moms ask ANY question you want about child birth! (Ex: "Did you poop yourself while you pushed?" "What's it like to get an epidural?" "What did you wear while in active labour?"etc etc
-Veteran moms answer with complete honesty!

araecasey

Love it! Fire away, FTMs.

doozer1345

I'm game.

ETA:I'll say though that I had a c/s and my water broke so I won't be able to answer natural birth questions or induction questions.

wamam027

Anyone do it by yourself? Like 100% by yourself? Either labor by yourself or the whole process? DH deploys for 8 months in June, so originally we were told he wouldn't be going out to sea in May on their test run for the month so he could be involved in the birth, now that we are actually at his new command it's looking like he will have to go out for three weeks of April and 3 weeks of May. We just got re-stationed across the country from family and friends. My mom plans to head here once she gets word from me, but she lives 5 hours from an airport and the flight is 5 hours IF she can manage to get a nonstop last minute. I haven't made any friends here just yet (only been here a month and have been unpacking and getting settled) and with due date being only a few months away now, I'm not sure if anyone I do make friends with will be THAT comfortable with helping me out any. I'm hoping for a med-free birth at a birthing center, and the birthing center is 12 miles away through an underwater tunnel and over a couple of bridges which aren't ideal for driving myself while in labor. Just curious if anyone has been through any part of labor/delivery 100% solo to give me some sort of positive outlook on this whole process. Even if you didn't do it solo, any tips based on your experience for what could make it easier on me? Thanks in advance! 

wamam027

Sorry, nothing juicy, but I've been waiting for a place to ask this without being a special snowflake.

araecasey

@ncm0328 What about hiring a doula? I can't sing my doula's praises enough. I DID labor by myself, even though hubby and my doula were at my home with me, I just wanted to be alone until things got serious enough to head to the hospital. But once we got to that point, it was really important to me to have my "people" with me to offer me physical comfort and help when I needed it. 

doozer1345

@ncm0328 I didn't do it by myself BUT wanted to give you something positive that may give you some ease of mind or anticipation. Looking back...I would have loved to have some time with just me and DD by ourselves (even without DH...I know sounds terrible). I kind of envy that aspect of your possible situation TBH. I'm a baby hog.

wamam027

@araecasey I've been giving this some thought as it might be the best and only option. Our Bradley Method instructor who we really like is a doula and I could easily hire her. My fear is that I'm somebody who doesn't do well with touching/ talking while I'm in pain and am more of a leave me alone and let me focus and get through this type of person (which is apparently good given the circumstances) my main worry is actually getting to the birthing center I guess. I'm not sure what to expect in the sense of how realistic it will be to drive myself to the birthing center at the right time and get myself into my room to finish the laboring and delivery process. There are a lot of unknowns! 

araecasey

Uhhhhhh yeah, I was in no condition to drive myself anywhere while I was in the heat of laboring. So like I said, I really just wanted to be left alone for the most part, and my doula was amazing that she was both very present but not at all overbearing. She was the one who very gently suggested that it might be time to head to the hospital. And anytime things felt scary or unknown, it was so reassuring to have someone who knows birth really well to speak some peace into me.

wamam027

@doozer1345 yes! Baby hog. Thankfully, I'll in the very least get a whole 8 months of baby hogging, which definitely does have its positive aspects, so thank you for this! For this next baby, you could always send your DH on some extravagant search for food to give you some alone time. "Oh yeah, you know, I'm really really craving that one po boy sandwich from that one restaurant 15 miles away, and given what I've just been through, that would be the best darn gift you could ever give me". Totally would be something I would do. Either that or send my DH home for my favorite pair of forgotten pajama shorts knowing they were in my bag the whole time. He'd spend forever and a day looking at the house, plenty of time for baby hogging at least!

wamam027

araecasey said:

Uhhhhhh yeah, I was in no condition to drive myself anywhere while I was in the heat of laboring. So like I said, I really just wanted to be left alone for the most part, and my doula was amazing that she was both very present but not at all overbearing. She was the one who very gently suggested that it might be time to head to the hospital. And anytime things felt scary or unknown, it was so reassuring to have someone who knows birth really well to speak some peace into me.

That's what I was afraid of. My mom drove herself while in labor with my brother and found that she was a 6 when she got to the hospital; granted she only drove 5 miles and said it was the least pleasant experience of her life and she doesn't know how she even made it there. I'll talk to my instructor and see if we can get on the same page and get her on board for hire. Thank you! 

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

hellogoodbye2

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

I thought it was a little more tough than I had expected. It took about 10 minutes. It did hurt, but contractions hurt more. No, I couldn't feel a thing when I layed back down. 

kami09

@AnastasiaBeaverhausen09  on the flip side...I swear to you, I didn't feel anything. I did have back labor though- that pain just took over the epi pain. The only thing I felt was something (still don't know what exactly) dripping down my back. 

LondonToSavannah

@AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 I didn't think it hurt at all, but I was induced and my contracations were nuts. They did it once, and the anasthesiologist wasn't happy with the placement and did it again, I honestly didn't notice it. You do feel a cold drip down your spine at first like previous poster said, but that didn't last very long for me, and once it was in I didn't have any knowledge it was there. It was heaven. 

On a funny/gross side of it - they had to break my water, and up until that point it was just a trickle. However, they had me put my feet on DH's knees and hold my arms so I didn't move while they placed the epidural. Well that position combined with the strength of my contractions and all of a sudden Woosh!!! Amniotic fluid every where...including on DH. lol.

Bltbear82

@AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 honestly, I didn't feel a thing for my epidural. I was 7 cm by that point so I didn't really care as long as they got it in, and the anesthesiologist was really good about keeping me distracted. The whole process took about 10 min but as soon as you think you might be ready for it let the nurses know. I promise it isn't as scary as it seems!

Also on the plus side I felt it start working much faster than I thought it would. And didn't feel anything in my back at all. The only thing I did feel was I was leaning to my right side more and I could feel the muted contractions on my left side so I had to readjust myself in bed to get the distribution equalized again. 

emma+karen

doozer1345 said:

@ncm0328 I didn't do it by myself BUT wanted to give you something positive that may give you some ease of mind or anticipation. Looking back...I would have loved to have some time with just me and DD by ourselves (even without DH...I know sounds terrible). I kind of envy that aspect of your possible situation TBH. I'm a baby hog.

I will second this.  The first night in the hospital after DS was born, I sent my wife home so she could sleep in a bed.  Although it was a long night, I loved having just me and the baby in the room together all night.  I slept a couple hours with him on my chest; looking back, it was a really special time.

emma+karen

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

My epidural experience was a breeze.  I had bad back labor, so the epidural was like a little poke and then it made the pain go away.  Kind of like when you get a cavity filled, they do put a numbing agent on your back before they actually insert the epidural.  It didn't take long to put in at all.  The part that took the longest was they had sent my wife out of the room for it, then forgot to tell her she could come back in!  I finally had to ask a nurse to go get her!

Jenly17

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

It took maybe 10 mins or so. I don't remember any pain at all from the epidural being placed. I waited a while for the epi though, So my contractions at that point were so severe, that I don't think I felt anything! Once it was in there, I didn't feel a thing. There were so many strong sensations going on elsewhere, for me to even feel where the epidural was on my back. 

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09

Thanks to everyone for your responses!  I get lots of anxiety around medical situations so I think the worst part will be the moments leading up to it.  Having to be completely still, waiting for it to happen....that part sounds scary to me too.  

Speaking of anxiety, another worry of mine is that I will just be a ball of nerves the entire time.  I feel like labor will be just one giant panic attack.  Was anyone else worried about this and if so, did you find that your anxiety was as bad as you thought it would be?

araecasey

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

It should be quick and simple to place. My anesthesiologist missed my epidural space 3 times before getting it right, so it was very uncomfortable for me and resulted in a trading spinal headache a few days later. I could also feel the catheter in my spine, it was very strange, but not painful, I could just feel it rubbing internally and making my legs twitch and fell weird. There  a lot going on in my room at the time, and I was fully dilated, having extremely strong contractions one on top of the other. I got the impression my anesthesiologist was nervous. So I doubt you'll have my experience, but it's good to be aware that epidurals do have legitimate complications that can arise. Do your homework before your birth so you can make informed decisions for yourself.

To fix the spinal headache I had to have another epidural placed called a blood patch. My anesthesiologist for my blood patch was sure and steady, and that epi was much easier to endure. It was quick and felt like a combination of a rubber band snapping against my spine and someone pushing really hard on the poke site. My anesthesiologist asked if I could feel it, and I was so relieved to say no lol. 

Jenly17

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

Thanks to everyone for your responses!  I get lots of anxiety around medical situations so I think the worst part will be the moments leading up to it.  Having to be completely still, waiting for it to happen....that part sounds scary to me too.  

Speaking of anxiety, another worry of mine is that I will just be a ball of nerves the entire time.  I feel like labor will be just one giant panic attack.  Was anyone else worried about this and if so, did you find that your anxiety was as bad as you thought it would be?

Yes! I was really nervous at first. I cried when they placed the IV in my hand. I was so scared of the pain but it was really not that big of a deal! Haha. It was also my first hospital stay and that was kind of scary. But I had my husband who was a rockstar, and an amazing team of nurses and doctors who supported me and truly listened to my concerns. I'm hoping you have the same support!

I think that it's one of those things that no matter how much you prepare, it's still a giant unknown, even for the second and third time moms! Just know that you can trust your body and at the end of the experience, you will have a beautiful bundle in your arms.  

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09

Jenly17 said:

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

Thanks to everyone for your responses!  I get lots of anxiety around medical situations so I think the worst part will be the moments leading up to it.  Having to be completely still, waiting for it to happen....that part sounds scary to me too.  

Speaking of anxiety, another worry of mine is that I will just be a ball of nerves the entire time.  I feel like labor will be just one giant panic attack.  Was anyone else worried about this and if so, did you find that your anxiety was as bad as you thought it would be?

Yes! I was really nervous at first. I cried when they placed the IV in my hand. I was so scared of the pain but it was really not that big of a deal! Haha. It was also my first hospital stay and that was kind of scary. But I had my husband who was a rockstar, and an amazing team of nurses and doctors who supported me and truly listened to my concerns. I'm hoping you have the same support!

I think that it's one of those things that no matter how much you prepare, it's still a giant unknown, even for the second and third time moms! Just know that you can trust your body and at the end of the experience, you will have a beautiful bundle in your arms.  

I cried a little right before the first blood draw of my 3 hour glucose test, so I can only imagine the waterworks during labor.  I just get so worked up with anticipation.  All of my prenatal nurses have been absolutely wonderful and calming so I hope I have the same experience in L&D.  Thanks for your response!

kp90

To go along with the epi questions... I'm terrified of the lasting effects or an epi gone wrong because I've heard they can pretty much paralyze you if done wrong. I know the chances may be slim but it scares me.. but the thought of natural birth scares me as well! So my question is did any of you STM's have lingering effects or was it worn off after birth?

kami09

kp90 said:

To go along with the epi questions... I'm terrified of the lasting effects or an epi gone wrong because I've heard they can pretty much paralyze you if done wrong. I know the chances may be slim but it scares me.. but the thought of natural birth scares me as well! So my question is did any of you STM's have lingering effects or was it worn off after birth?

I actually did. I would get really bad shooting pains down my spine for about 6-7 months. That's one reason I'm trying (again) for a med free birth. Go look up hypnobabies births on YouTube...mind blowing.

LondonToSavannah

@kp90 nope, no after effects at all for me. about 40 minutes after taking it our I was up and walking (with assistance) you will have weak/wobbly legs for a couple hours. 

kbrands7

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

Thanks to everyone for your responses!  I get lots of anxiety around medical situations so I think the worst part will be the moments leading up to it.  Having to be completely still, waiting for it to happen....that part sounds scary to me too.  

Speaking of anxiety, another worry of mine is that I will just be a ball of nerves the entire time.  I feel like labor will be just one giant panic attack.  Was anyone else worried about this and if so, did you find that your anxiety was as bad as you thought it would be?

@AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 I have a tendency towards anxiety and was really worried about this with DS. Like @Jenly17 said though, labor and birth is going to be an unknown-- whether the first time or not-- and it's really something that you just roll with. When I started having contractions and my water broke, I actually went into more of the fight-mode of the fight/flight response, felt pro-active and was really excited. It also really helped to have practiced some visualizations that calmed me down when things got more intense...and for moments like when my grandmother unexpectedly showing up and asking repeatedly if contractions hurt, or getting the spinal before my c-section.

mello13

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

I am scared of the epidural. How long does it take to be placed? How bad did it hurt? Can you feel it in your back laying down after it's been placed?

The epidural was fantastic. Took only a couple of minutes to put it and hurt MUCH LESS than the IV. I'm not exaggerating either. I couldn't feel it once it had been placed but I could still feel the pressure of the contractions and pushing (crowning, shoulders, etc) just without the terrible pain. 

On a personal note, having the epidural was an unexpected blessing because I had severe hemorrhaging and nearly died, but because I had the epidural they were able to attend to me immediately while I was awake (as opposed to knocking me out) so I could see my husband hold our son, communicate my wishes etc. 

kami09

^ why does that damn IV hurt so bad?! Lol

Lusitano8

For any moms who went med-free: Do you have any tips to share or laboring positions that really helped you?  I've been reading about using breathing methods to concentrate and get through the pain but I'm worried I'll forget it all in labor. Any tips to share would be appreciated. 

lbachran

So I'm nervous about the bleeding after birth. I'm having a medically necessitated c section, but I know bleeding happens regardless of how the baby is delivered. I've seen it described as a heavy period, but what exactly should I expect? And what supplies should I have on hand to cope? I'm completely horrified at the thought of having a heavy flow with only a pad.

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09

Oh!  I thought of another one!  Apparently I have lots of questions 

Can we talk about the first post partum poop?  I have been told it is horrific.  Can I do anything to prepare for it?

LadySamLady

One thing I'm wondering about is the necessity of a private room. I am delivering at big NYC hospital and while of course the L&D rooms are private, the recovery rooms aren't. They do have private rooms but they're first come first serve and cost an extra $525 per night that is not covered by insurance. I really feel like I do not need a private room and since it can't be guaranteed it feels like something that isn't worth spending too much time thinking about, never mind the cost. My H and family members think I'm crazy, that I will want a private room when the time comes and should be sure to request it the moment we get to the hospital so that we'll be at the top of the list when/if one becomes available. STMs - what do you think?

kbrands7

lbachran said:

So I'm nervous about the bleeding after birth. I'm having a medically necessitated c section, but I know bleeding happens regardless of how the baby is delivered. I've seen it described as a heavy period, but what exactly should I expect? And what supplies should I have on hand to cope? I'm completely horrified at the thought of having a heavy flow with only a pad.

This tends to be a little different for everyone. After my c-section, I had about 4-5 days of a heavy-flow period (I normally have a heavy flow though, so no biggie. Always Infinity Overnight pads were awesome). After that, I had a few days of medium to light flow, then a week or so of an incredibly light period, with heavier flow moments if I pushed myself too hard/walked too far too fast. By around 3 weeks, I had nothing and didn't have any menstrual bleeding until almost 10months pp (thanks, extra calories during Christmas time...). Breastfeeding helps your uterus return to its normal size quicker, which means you clean out a little faster. It also tends to delay the return of menses.

emma+karen

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

Oh!  I thought of another one!  Apparently I have lots of questions 

Can we talk about the first post partum poop?  I have been told it is horrific.  Can I do anything to prepare for it?

My doctor prescribed me a stool softener to take, and I remember that first poop being not that bad.  Not pleasant, for sure, but not as bad as I'd heard. 

saltedcaramel518

At what point in labor did you get get an epidural? 

sarawifenow

Another med free question here. What tips do you have to keep going when you are ready to give up?

kbrands7

LadySamLady said:

One thing I'm wondering about is the necessity of a private room. I am delivering at big NYC hospital and while of course the L&D rooms are private, the recovery rooms aren't. They do have private rooms but they're first come first serve and cost an extra $525 per night that is not covered by insurance. I really feel like I do not need a private room and since it can't be guaranteed it feels like something that isn't worth spending too much time thinking about, never mind the cost. My H and family members think I'm crazy, that I will want a private room when the time comes and should be sure to request it the moment we get to the hospital so that we'll be at the top of the list when/if one becomes available. STMs - what do you think?

I've only had experience with private rooms since my hospital has all private rooms in the maternity ward. However, I would think that it depends on a few things. In recovery rooms, generally, there will be initial breastfeeding; there may be puking; if you have any sort of anesthesia, that will be wearing off and nurses will be assessing your feeling. You'll probably be happy, tired, and thirsty. If you're okay with doing these things in front of others, or seeing these things if others do them, then a private room isn't necessary. Honestly, I had such tunnel vision the first few hours after birth that there could have been mass chaos going on around me and I would have never known. To me, my world consisted of my baby, me, DH, and the lovely nurse who was holding my puke bucket while the feeling came back into my arms and legs.

mello13

lbachran said:

So I'm nervous about the bleeding after birth. I'm having a medically necessitated c section, but I know bleeding happens regardless of how the baby is delivered. I've seen it described as a heavy period, but what exactly should I expect? And what supplies should I have on hand to cope? I'm completely horrified at the thought of having a heavy flow with only a pad.

This is different for every woman. For me, I had pretty heavy bleeding, but I didn't have a C-Section. Friends that did said they had lighter bleeding overall. My advice is to get some big, plush pads, and underwear you don't mind having to toss. Honestly, take or ask the nurse for the pads they have in your room and the mesh underwear. They are super absorbent! After the first week or so I switched to some thinner pads (Always Infinity). I was honestly shocked at how much blood I lost initially! I had my husband help me to the shower in the hospital and I dripped so much blood everywhere (shower, floors, towels) that we were joking about it looking like a crime scene (I joke to cope!). It was a bit overwhelming but the super plush pads kept me from ever having an incident leaking through pants or dresses afterward.

On a related note, this is why I suggest you NOT bring your own towels from home (unless you need a specific face towel). There is so much mess even in recovery that bleeding all over your towels, pillows, special night gowns, etc just seems foolish. Get some cheap sandals and slippers you can toss out and let the hospital provide the rest.

mello13

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 said:

Oh!  I thought of another one!  Apparently I have lots of questions 

Can we talk about the first post partum poop?  I have been told it is horrific.  Can I do anything to prepare for it?

I took a stool softener in the hospital and continued them once I got home. It was just a regular poop, honestly. I was so worried about it, and it ended up being nothing. I will say though that prior to getting to the hospital (contractions overnight) I pooped, or at least tried to poop, a lot. I had back labor, which isn't surprising because my period cramps effect my back as well, so I felt like I really had to poop. So I wasn't constipated as I had already cleared out my system pretty well, which may have helped.

mello13

bshurdy said:

At what point in labor did you get get an epidural? 

This will not be a typical answer, as I was pre-term (36 weeks 2 days) and had a SUPER fast labor (Arrived at the hospital at 1:30, was checked in triage and moved into L&D by 2:30, baby out by 5:30). I was asked while in triage if I would like an epidural (with the option to decline if I wanted later) because I was very dilated and baby was on the move (they could tell my son had brown hair!) so as to make sure I could still actually GET the epi they needed to let the anesthesiologist know. I was very, very close to not being able to have one because of how quickly things progressed. They had to have me STOP pushing because he was delivered so fast and they were still throwing the gloves and gown on the doctor! Again, every woman is different and I don't know if there is a set guideline as to when you should get it.