MIL overstepping boundaries

Manda1883

I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. My husband has 2 sons from a previous marriage. We have an 8 month old son together and I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a girl.
My husband's mother is used to getting his older boys anytime she wants because his ex wife likes to go out and she uses his mom as a babysitter. When my older children were babies, I didn't even let my own mother keep them because I breastfed all of them exclusively.
She didn't raise my husband, she bailed when he was a baby and came back into his life when he had kids so he doesn't exactly trust her. We have let her watch our son a few times overnight for the last 2 months ONLY because I can no longer breastfeed since I'm pregnant again. 
She's always calling him "Ninny's baby" and I swear she thinks it's her opportunity to re-do parenting. She drives us crazy doing things like giving him bottles if he wakes at night and holding him all the time instead of letting him fall asleep on his own like we have been trying to do. She gives him foods we dont want her to, like pudding and ice cream. And she's already asking if we're going to "share" the new baby. She even told me she can't wait to keep her because she's always wanted a baby girl wver since she was pregnant with my husband. She's bipolar and doesn't always take her meds, too.
Yesterday afternoon (Sunday) she came over to see the kids... Even though they had all spent the night with her Friday and been with her half the day Saturday since my husband had to work. The baby was tired and needed a nap and was snuggling her. She was fixing to leave and sat him down on the rug and he cried. She said to my husband "just throw some pants on him and he can go with me for a few hours." He said no. Told her that he wanted to spend time with him since it was his only day off. She argued with him. He continued to tell her no and that just because he cries doesn't mean she can take him. 
She literally had a meltdown. She burst into tears, turned around, stomped to the door, walked out and slammed it behind her. She got in her car and peeled out of our driveway slinging gravel. I've never seen anything like it. 
Today she and her husband stopped by to drop off some stuff the kids had left over there and she refused to get out of the car. Her husband told me "Sandy didn't want to get out cause she was afraid he'd cry again when we left". I laughed and told him that the baby wasn't crying over her. He was just tired and cranky. He then told me "well, she was tired too." Like that made her tantrum ok! 
My question is this: has anyone else had to deal with something like this and how did you handle it? This isn't her first tantrum, but this was the worst so far and were worried they'll get worse when my daughter is born and she can't take her whenever she wants. 

marissa422

First, I think it's only fair that you & your husband sit down and have a face to face conversation addressing your concerns. If this gets you no where (& don't expect much) then I think it's important to withdraw the children's time spent with her. Limit it to only when necessary, or to maintain a steady relationship.

jasmineluke

I have a mother ... Yes MY mother who is exactly like that which makes it much harder since she's MY mother lol. 
She frequently butts in and when things don't go her way she cuts me and my husband out completely ... Like no phone calls no visits no contact at all until ... An expected apology comes through (usually undeserved). She does NOT get along with my husband which makes things even worse because my husband is very involved in raising our daughter ... Very hands on. 
I have had huge fights with my parents over this. I have had to sit down and have a face to face with them which is very hard since obviously I care about my parents and don't want to hurt their feelings and of course I want them in my daughters life. But I had to make things very clear to them. 
I have to say though ... For me this didn't work either. It works for a little while but she  ends up saying something stupid and makes my husband upset. At this point it has gotten in my marriage and making things difficult with my husband and I. I have decided my husband and my sanity is way more important then pleasing my parents or appeasing them and their involvement with my baby.  If it means I have to really space out from them and they get offended and have a "tantrum" because of this and never talk to me again ... I totally accept it. My marriage my sanity and these really precious moments in the early stages of my daughters life is 10 times more important and dear to me then anything else ... Including pleasing other people ... Even if they are my parents ... Lol

aisha_albalushi

My MIL does the same with my three year old.  She gives him anything he wants and wants to take him everywhere with her...my husband had to talk to her a few times but she refuses to listen...u r not alone!!!!

tnsowell

My MIL isn't quite as bad but still pretty bad. I have a 5 year old stepson and my MIL has kept him often because of my husband having to work. Whenever I get on to my stepson for misbehaving, she'll just disregard it and say he's always done this. For example he has a habit of grabbing food and drinks from your hands without asking. Also she believes that she can take him without our permission. She told me that he is going with her to her families for Thanksgiving wether my husband or myself goes. She also encourages him to call her mom. I try to remind myself to be patient with her and when she really steps out of line I let her know that it's not going to be like this anymore and I'm trying to get her to realize that she isn't his mother, she's grandma.

lii08kehaulani18

You and your SO needs to set boundaries. Tell them to her and leave as that. Also tell her if she cant respect the boundaries set by both of you then she needs a consequence like a child.