Struggling to stay positive today (children mentioned)

heincm

I am really struggling to stay positive today. My oldest sister just delivered her third child, a boy, and after work I will go see him. I love my sister and my new nephew, but looking at the pictures and friends and family gushing over the new baby makes me feel like I'm going to break down. It does not help that today I started spotting, so I am officially out again this month. I try really hard to just keep going and keep my head up, but today, and really much of last week,  I have felt so depressed and alone. No one in my family has infertility issues, just me, so this journey has been very hard. I feel like no one understand, and talking to my mother and/or sisters about my issues makes me feel like a burden. Infertility sucks:(

DinosaurJumper

I'm so sorry for your hardship today!! A new baby in the family is always joyous time, but when you've been on the long road of TTC, it's a painful one too. My suggestion is to try and put yourself through only what you think you can handle. If pictures and post of FB are too much of a constant reminder, stay off the page for awhile. If you can handle going and visiting in the hospital, I'd suggest trying to go as only the auntie and sister. You'll feel the happiness when you hold him. But don't over do it. Do what you can to show your support, and then have a good cry later. Hopefully that'll help you to move past this painful roadblock. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon

ambrosialea

I can relate. When I told my little sister I was ttc in Nov 2014, I knew she would start trying too. (Always has copied off me, I sure she pictured us having same age children playing together). So I told her "you better not have one before I get pregnant" to which she responded "We are not even thinking of that yet"...

I got preg a few months later and was waiting to tell people til second trimester. Lost it at 12 weeks. While I was still bleeding, sister conceived her child which she just had. She immediately told me  when she got her BFP ...and I cried spilling the beans about my loss. Told her not to tell anyone else. Of course she immediate told my parents. So everyone was annoyed that I had not told them about the preg and was hiding feelings. 

I am trying to share my feelings with my parents, but they cannot understand that I would feel anything but joy about being an aunt. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less about my sisters baby. I wouldn't ever have, even if I wasn't ttc, I don't like babies. (I see it as an unpleasant phase like pregnancy that you have to get through to have a child).

My coping mechanism has been to ignore babies but my family is baby crazy about the first grandson. Therefore, I am going to avoid talking to my family and not log into Facebook.  They think my isolating myself means I am depressed but it's really about not becoming depressed. I am happy in my little world where I don't have to think about babies except when my ovulation calendar calls

AnnaP9713

@heincm Your story is familiar to me unfortunately. I totally 100% feel and have felt what you feel. I have watched friends get married after my DH and I, and easily conceive & have babies. At this point some of them have had babies and then gotten pregnant again. I thought that was hard. Then my sister who is four years younger than me got pregnant without trying after "one drunken night" and because she knew what my husband and I are going through, she was nervous to tell us. Being the oldest of four girls I always imagined having a baby first. It took me time to get out of my depression after she told me she was pregnant. It sounds awful, but its the truth. Going to the hospital was exhausting because I felt like everyone in my family would be "feeling bad" for us or watching my reaction to see how I responded to the situation.

Now that my niece is here I love her dearly and she has helped me on my saddest days to get me in a brighter mood. I feel that was a dark time for me but the more women I talk to, the more common I realize those feelings are. No one in my family had infertility issues either. You are not alone on this journey as you can see by this community. Wishing you the best of luck on this path!