Pregnant after a Loss

This is nuts...((pregnant))

I was part of the TTC board after loss and posted last week how we were done trying because the pressure was too much after two back to back miscarriages and all the rollercoaster of emotions that come with even just trying. I had a negative pregnancy test and a negative blood beta test last week and I honestly accepted them as true.

But then I all of a sudden wasn't myself this week-- crying at seriously EVERYTHING, round ligament-like pelvic pain i had with my son and peeing seriously the most i've ever gone in my life. So i retested, and was 99.9% sure I'd get a negative, since those blood tests are scary accurate from my understanding. NOT SO. I got a BFP! Once last night and then again this morning. Despite all odds and despite my chalking everything up to pms, I got a positive test. I'm so at peace, but i'm also so shocked. I feel absolutely great and normal just like i did with my first pregnancy with my son (And i plan to enjoy that while i can), and i don't feel abnormal and 'something's up' like i did with my last two pregnancies that ended with miscarriage. This i take as a very good sign! I'm hopeful, optimistic, I feel wonderful and I'm glowing with happiness after a lot of challenges.

Now my question is, how on earth do i keep this a secret for a while? With my first pregnancy we told right away but this time i want to be more careful and just do it on our own time when we're ready considering my history of m/c'ing. I'm wanting to soak this all in just my husband and I for a while, at least til we hear the heartbeat. BUT we see family all the time, spend time with them every weekend extensive periods of time. Any tips? Luckily, both my sister-in-laws are pregnant and add for some distraction from me for a while. I don't think I can make it til the first trimester with how much time we spend with them and then with all the symptoms and needing to give up certain foods (like feta, coffee, etc stuff we all eat regularly and wlill be noticed if i avoid them), but making it til we hear the heart seems more realistic. Thoughts???
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Re: This is nuts...((pregnant))

  • *make it til the end of my first tri
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  • One day at a time :)
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  • I just decided to come lurk over here and recognized you for the TTCAL board. Congrats @mrsbenjamindaniel !

    In regards to secret keeping... Maybe try and say you're trying a new diet or something? 
    *American lady living in Tanzania.
    DH - Tanzanian Maasai 
    BFP #1 - MC Dec 2, 2015 (@ 9weeks)
    BFP #2 - Feb 2, 2016 --EDD 10/10/16 --Abigail- October 6, 2016. Heart warrior.
    October 2017- Began fostering to adopt T, (DOB:November 19, 2013)
  • Thank you and thank you @kmolleltz
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  • Congrats @mrsbenjamindaniel!!!!! So excited for you!!! 

    As to your questions, you can still drink one cup of coffee a day and there's no need to worry about feta - all cheese in the US needs to be pasteurized. The worry is with unpasteurized cheese, so eat all the feta you want! I don't think it'll be too hard to keep it a secret unless you usually drink a lot with them or you're having a lot of nausea.

    LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs

    BFP #1 12/2012, DS born 8/2013
    BFP #2 7/2015, MMC and D&C 9/2015
    BFP #3 11/2015, CP
    BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016

  • First, congratulations! I had two losses and now I'm over 14 weeks. Hopefully the third time will be the charm for you as well.

    I told my family the day I got my bfp the first two times, but this time I waited a week to tell DH and waited until 9 weeks (with u/s confirmation) to tell my family. I wanted it to be a happy announcement instead of a cautious "we'll see what happens" kind of thing. I avoided my family a bit because of the nausea, and when I did meet my mom for lunch, I told her I had a headache so l wasn't very hungry. (That happens to me a lot, so she didn't suspect anything.) Also, I threw her off by telling her things I was doing to boost my fertility.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • Thanks everyone for your encouragement! Those are great ideas also @CarrieandRoy
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  • Congrats! I too have gone thru a similar situation! I loss a my 3rd pregnancy (i have two kids) at 11 weeks. We had already told everyone.  Then i went on to have 4 chemical pregnancies. Needless to say last year was a doozy! On to pregnant again...and was scared to tell anyone. I ended up telling my mother so she could pray for us and she sent out a superdeeduper mass text asking everyone to pray for us! And things are going wonderfully so far!  God is good! So if you want to tell everyone,  tell them by asking for prayers! Good luck and God bless! 
  • After my loss I kept the baby a secret until past the 1st trimester. I made excuses that I overdrank the night before at family gatherings, or that I ate too much to have alcohol. I avoided seeing people when I had nausea/fatigue/ was bloated so I wouldn't need to explain anything. When I did meet people I suggested restaurants where I knew they had something i could eat there.
    We told our in-laws at 14weeks and my folks at 16weeks. Boy were they shocked! The in-laws suspected but didn't think I'd be that far along, and it was easier to hide from my folks since they live abroad.
  • I tell people who are super pushy that since my previous losses my period brings pregnancy-like symptoms and it reminds me of the loss and I get sick. That stops people dead in their tracks. It sounds cruel, but some of my acquaintances just don't get when to quit pushing. Usually I can just say I'm DDing or not in the mood for something and people drop it - I also avoid going out a lot and eat things like cooked sushi or get a mock tail and people are thrown off. 

    Still, I recognize you from TTCAL and that's why I clicked on your thread - I saw your goodbye post there and I was cautiously optimistic when clicking here. So thrilled for you! H&H 9 months and enjoy this pregnancy, even if it means spilling the beans early because you're too excited! Congratulations!!! 
    TTC #1 - Started 7/2015
    MC #1 - 1/10/2014
    MC #2 - 10/15/2015

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  • @mrsbenjamindaniel - So happy to see you here! I remember how defeated you sounded on the TTCAL board, and I'm just so happy that you aren't out of the game after all. FX that this one sticks!
  • Congratulations on your BFP!!  My only suggestion is to set small goals, mine were make it to tomorrow, make it a week, make it to your next appointment.  I even have countdown calendars on my phone in the beginning I had one for end of 1st tri, end of 2nd tri, due date, next u/s, next appointment, baby shower, and gender reveal.  I know it sounds insane, but those numbers kept me sane, now I'm down to only two counters; my due date and my next appointment <3
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • I kept it secret from family until 14 weeks and was so glad I did. I got past so much of the worrying without having to keep them calm too. And somehow none of them had any idea we were expecting. It was super hard at times because my SIL was pregnant and every one kept telling us they were praying for us and I HATED keeping it secret at those times. Felt deciteful. But I think the family was slightly relieved to only find out after the scariest period had passed. They took the miscarriage hard too.

    I didn't tell most friends or internet (Facebook) until after the anatomy scan that we had at 17+5. That's been fun too because people are shocked we are already halfway through.  
  • Wanted to let you all know I got my hcg levels drawn Monday and then today...they are doubling! So far I feel great (a good sign compared to my last two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage) and I'm so hopeful and happy for this new little baby growing inside me these early days! Taking deep breaths and looking forward to meeting this baby in October
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  • Congrats!!!! It's so hard to get through the first trimester. With the sickness and trying to hide the pregnancy. I just used some of the excuses the other ladies used until I was ready to tell people. It was especially hard around the holidays when everyone was drinking. My excuses were that I had a hangover and that I had a migraine. I get really bad migraines so it was beliveable. 
  • @mrsbenjamindaniel Congratulation! I'm just lurking from TTCAL and I'm so glad to see that you have been able to move over to the this board! FX for a happy and healthy 9 months here! 

    Can I also ask what dpo you got your BFNs and then your BFP?
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  • @GoldenTMama I got a bfn on a home test and the blood draw (which my levels were zero when they did) two Monday's ago (Jan 25th). I then retested just this past Sunday (Jan 31st), thinking it'd be a bfn but there was two pos lines there!
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  • @mrsbenjamindaniel Thanks. What a great surprise! Congratulations again!
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  • Thank you! We're so thrilled and excited, my hubby keeps telling our little bubba "mommy's going to have a baby" (he doesn't quite get it but we are so excited for him to be a brother and to have a new baby again)! 
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  • *lurking from TTC/TTCAL*

    congrats @mrsbenjamindaniel !  One thing that could work well right now would be to tell people you gave up XYZ for lent (if you are Catholic/Christian and that wouldn't be suspicious). That way you can buy yourself some time from this Wednesday until the end of March anyway.  :)
    TTC since January 2015
    3/15/2015 BFP!
    4/15/2015 MMC  :'(
    2/25/2016 BFP! Hoping for the best!
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