How to ask for secondhand items at a shower?

dshannah

We're doing our baby registry at Amazon, and apart from a few items (car seats, pack'n'play, stroller, etc.) we want specific brands/models of, we are not much fussed about what we get--we need certain things, of course, but brand names and styles don't matter so much, and we flat-out cannot afford most of it on our own. Not to mention the environmental benefits of reusing rather than purchasing new.

I want to invite folks to bring used items to the shower, but if they do that they'd have to go to the Amazon registry and mark the nearest thing "purchased" so that no one else buys the same thing. That seems too much to say on an invite, especially when it's totally ok for people to come and celebrate without bringing gifts at all.

Should I just invite people to bring secondhand things and then return any duplicates purchased on Amazon? I also want to avoid duplicate presents being opened at the shower, because the hand-me-downers might feel bad if someone bought the same thing (but new) for us.

Any thoughts on etiquette for this?

JennyS86

Oooh that's a tough one.  One option for you might be to not mention anything on your invite.  Then after your shower, ask people who you trust if they might have some hand-me-downs (tactfully of course), and then you can return the new goods from your shower and use the credit later on for diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, laundry detergent, etc. 
I have gratefully accepted hand-me-downs for our twins, and I will do the same for this baby.  Mostly, people have given us clothes and toys - so there is plenty left for people to buy at the shower.

I love using things more than once! I am interested in seeing what other people say.
(that being said, I am considering buying carter's clothes online tonight...it's a great sale)

araecasey

I put at the top of my registry (there's a spot on Amazon to add a description) that we welcome both used and new gifts. That way everyone knew that used was an option, but no one felt pressured to buy one way or the other.

mmemartinez

Try this: https://www.encorebabyregistry.com/ I had a friend do something similar and I think it was through this site.

swflJD

I would have your shower hostess (if you trust her to be tactful about it) spread the word to guests that second-hand items are welcomed.  Rather than send the wrong/confusing message by trying to explain it on the invitations, if the hostess just called and explained your preference to guests (or told them when they called to RSVP), there might be less confusion. 

dshannah

Thanks for all the suggestions! These are all great options.

@mmemartinez I love the Encore registry!  Thanks for pointing me to it! Even though there is no discount or completion discount, you can use their registry to link to another store's.  I'm thinking of making an Encore registry for all the items we are not fussed about, and then linking it to a smaller Amazon registry that includes the specific brand name items we want (and some of the more expensive items) so that even if folks don't get them for us we can get a discount. 

rlworzalla

I know this is often seen as taboo, but if you're putting where you are registered on your invite, could you add an extra line that reads:

dshannah is registered on Amazon.com

Hand-me-downs are welcome too!

I'm not sure the formality of your shower, or how your guests would respond to that, however.  The sticky situation I could see is that someone purchases a brand new pack and play from amazon and you open it at the shower, and a guest gifts you their used one, whether someone might feel awkward for doing so?  This is a tough question!

emilyj77

I would take the second hand items out of the baby shower equation. Don't register for them, but spread the word among your friends and family that you're on the look out for a good second hand XYZ. People for the most part like to buy new items for baby showers and if they have second hand items, they also give those at a separate time and place. 
From personal experience I knew ahead of time the big hand me downs we were getting, therefore I knew not to register for them. I also know that I could find some great deals on Craigslist and the local Just Between Friends sales, so I didn't even bother registering for items I didn't care that much about. Also, most items are not necessary to have before the baby is born, so you may not want them right away.
I guess my advice is make the shower as easy as possible for your guests and worry about the second hand items after all the showers are done.

kp90

Not exactly sure how to approach this other than maybe talk to the person hosting your shower and explain what you would like and how. With that being said though it seems like it would be more work and stress on you if you end up with duplicates and having to return them and deal with that hassle, etc. Are you totally opposed to just letting them buy you new things and maybe just saying you don't mind if their used? Does that make sense? Just don't make more work for yourself, with a baby on the way you're going to have plenty on your plate!

gkamerman78

I simply found a clever way to say it in the invite. Because I also am not super picky if it's new or not and what I put since I'm having twins was under where it says where I am registered. Because there's two it doest have to be new! Hope this helps.

LadySamLady

emilyj77 said:

I would take the second hand items out of the baby shower equation. Don't register for them, but spread the word among your friends and family that you're on the look out for a good second hand XYZ. People for the most part like to buy new items for baby showers and if they have second hand items, they also give those at a separate time and place. 
From personal experience I knew ahead of time the big hand me downs we were getting, therefore I knew not to register for them. I also know that I could find some great deals on Craigslist and the local Just Between Friends sales, so I didn't even bother registering for items I didn't care that much about. Also, most items are not necessary to have before the baby is born, so you may not want them right away.
I guess my advice is make the shower as easy as possible for your guests and worry about the second hand items after all the showers are done.

This. It might offend people if they buy you something new off your registry and then realize you'll just return it when they see you receive the same thing used at the shower. It is totally OK to return shower gifts of course but i just think it is rude to make the giver aware that they basically just gave you a gift certificate.

araecasey

LadySamLady said:

emilyj77 said:

I would take the second hand items out of the baby shower equation. Don't register for them, but spread the word among your friends and family that you're on the look out for a good second hand XYZ. People for the most part like to buy new items for baby showers and if they have second hand items, they also give those at a separate time and place. 
From personal experience I knew ahead of time the big hand me downs we were getting, therefore I knew not to register for them. I also know that I could find some great deals on Craigslist and the local Just Between Friends sales, so I didn't even bother registering for items I didn't care that much about. Also, most items are not necessary to have before the baby is born, so you may not want them right away.
I guess my advice is make the shower as easy as possible for your guests and worry about the second hand items after all the showers are done.

This. It might offend people if they buy you something new off your registry and then realize you'll just return it when they see you receive the same thing used at the shower. It is totally OK to return shower gifts of course but i just think it is rude to make the giver aware that they basically just gave you a gift certificate.

I left the gifts I knew I'd get second hand on my registry. Amazon has a feature that you can mark your items as purchased, even if they weren't bought directly from your registry. So I would just select those items as purchased so other people could see what we and others had already bought to avoid said duplicate gift situation. It worked well for our friends and family.

khochanadel

I put a note on my babyli.st registry about welcoming secondhand items and told my hostess I wanted people to know. 

BlueJuice

I like the idea of noting that secondhand and/or handmade gifts are welcome and treasured - I'd put something to that effect on either the invitation or as a note at the top of the registry - maybe both! I think the logistics of trying to get people to mark things as selected based on that is going to be too much, though. Probably as people with secondhand things come out of the woodwork they will get in touch with you directly, so as soon as you know 'oh, I'm getting a high chair from Alice,' go take the high chair off your registry yourself. It won't totally eliminate any duplicates, but it should cut it down quite a bit. In my experience even people who have a bunch of hand-me-down items to give will still want to buy a new gift as well, because they don't feel like the secondhand stuff 'counts' as much or something. 

2.red.heads

Like others have said, it seems like people usually give you hand-me-downs before/separate from the shower.  I've been to a ton of showers and only once do I remember someone bringing in a trash bag of clothes.  That was weird.  Grateful, but keep that for another location.  If I gave someone a great hand-me-down (like a swing) I would probably still purchase something small/new (and needed) to give at the shower. 

JoMunson

I think it might be fun if you made it sort of the theme of your shower- a sort of "this baby is a green baby!" Or "we aren't team green but our baby is!" People LOVE giving their gently used baby items to new moms, they just need permission

araecasey

2.red.heads said:

Like others have said, it seems like people usually give you hand-me-downs before/separate from the shower.  I've been to a ton of showers and only once do I remember someone bringing in a trash bag of clothes.  That was weird.  Grateful, but keep that for another location.  If I gave someone a great hand-me-down (like a swing) I would probably still purchase something small/new (and needed) to give at the shower. 

All of my hand me downs were lovingly wrapped for my showers and looked just like the new gifts. I mean, the big baby gear wasn't in its original packaging or anything, but folks still made them look like any other gift with bows and cards. It wasn't as "trashy" (punny!) as you're imagining :-)

pelicanesque

Great thread! Was wondering how to make sure people knew it was ok to give used gifts, so these are all great tips. 

dshannah

Finished my registry (finally!) and thank you all so much for all the tips!  

I used the Encore Baby Registry (which @mmemartinez recommended), which is really delightfully customizable. I explained that we chose the Encore registry to encourage hand-me-downs and get the benefit of our family and friends' expertise (i.e. we want a thing and will defer to their judgment and taste about what type of that thing they gift us), but that for items where we had a brand name or model preference they could look at our Amazon registry.

Then I used the item description pages on the Encore Registry to link to our Amazon page when relevant.  So, for example, we wanted a Fisher Price Play Gym, and so I linked to the one on Amazon: if someone wants to buy it new, they can, but if they already have one they don't need anymore, they know which one we liked and might choose to hand it down to us.  But then for things we really don't care about (clothes, onesies, sleep sacks) I was able to just list the numbers we thought we'd need and left it up to our gifters' discretion.  I did include images of items we liked on Amazon, so folks will know kind of what our style is.

Then I altered the "How it Works" section (really, a super-customizable site!) to ask people to mark what they intend to give and offered step-by-step instructions for how to do it.  The great thing about that was that I could be direct in asking people to try to avoid duplicate purchases, since it seems like part of the official "How To..." information.

And the great thing is that, for all the really expensive stuff, it's still on the Amazon registry with its wonderful completion discount.

Anyway--I am really very happy with it, and it had been causing me so much anxiety, and so I wanted to report back with the success!! It took a little more work than the Amazon registry, but it looks fantastic and is so much better and more comprehensive. I also stole some of @JoMunson and @araecasey's wording Thanks!