Hi - I'm new here. I've been lurking on and off for about a year now, but I think I'm finally ready to more actively join the community.
My husband and I have been married for three years (together for eight years), we're 28, and we're thinking about TTC this summer. My husband has been going gangbusters about trying for the last two years, but I've wanted to be practical about it.
As the summer approaches, I keep oscillating between feeling ready and feeling overwhelmed. I suppose that's normal, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Very few of our friends are married let alone thinking about TTC. Honestly, that's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to TTC - being the only parents in our peer group seems like it might be rather isolating. That said, we probably hang out with friends only 2-3 times a month as is, and I don't think it's right for me to base our life decisions around what our friends are or are not doing. And yet... it continues to be something I stress about. The truth is, if we moved out to the suburbs, and had at least one friend who lived in the suburbs with us who was thinking about kids soon, I would be 100% ready. But moving out to the suburbs AND being the only mom I know around our age seems like the ultimate form of isolation.
When I mentally go through the list of practical things we should have in place before we have kids, most of it is there. We own a two-bedroom apt where we live in Manhattan flat out with no mortgage. We each have good jobs, and my husband makes enough money that if I wanted to end up being a SAHM, I could. We have money in savings. My husband's family is very closeby.
But then I think about raising a kid in an apt in Manhattan - yikes! Or that a two bedroom apt means there wouldn't be a bedroom for my mom to stay in when she comes to visit. And I do still have student loans - the interest rate is really low, but they are still significant. And while we both have really good jobs, we also both work really long hours, and I have to travel a lot.
Tipping the scales back the other way, both of our parents were in their 40s when they had us, so if we wait much longer, the chances of our kids getting to know their grandparents gets slimmer and slimmer. It's really important to me that my mom is around when I have kids and is able to get to know them.
So, I guess my query for you all is this: what did ready mean for you? Did it mean having all your ducks perfectly in a row? Did it mean being in the right emotional place with your partner and then figuring out the rest as you go? And did any of you have worries like mine before you had kids - and do you think they were justified now?