Gender Surprise

swalgate

We want to wait until the big day to find out if we're having a girl or boy and most people that I mention this to are completely confused by this.  "Why with today's technology...blah, blah". Any other July mom's waiting for nature's big gender reveal?

fantasticmrsfox

I'm not waiting, but if you use the search function and search "team green" you will find many moms who are!

MarieEDDJuly

I'm not waiting this time. This is #2 for me. #1 was a surprise. I really thought she was going to be a boy. Everyone kept saying from the way I was carrying it was a boy. Plus cuz she was a surprise you do get lots of gender natruel clothing. We are finding out this time for me and for my daughter she is 4 1/2 and I think the transition will be easier for her if she knows. 

jolydan

Gender is indeed gonna be a surprise because despite finding out in July the Sex of your baby, the gender will come later in his/her life when is identity is more defined. We are being careful on the forum for using the word sex when talking about how your child is going to pee, because we prone education about gender meaning!

this being said, I think it's great you are team green! People will always find a way to complain about YOUR choices during pregnancy (and later on!)

suprsuz

I'm team green!!!!!   So exciting to wait.  I didn't wait with my first.  

suprsuz

As far as the whole gender thing goes, I currently have a daughter and I treat her "girly".  Because to me, that's who she is.  If she doesn't identify as a girl when she is older, that's fine.  But for now, she's a girl.  

stillcozy

Just a helpful heads up most ladies on here prefer that you call it sex rather than gender and yes if you scroll to the bottom of the screen you will find the search bar and it is a great tool to search for sex reveal and team green.

ButterMyBiscuit

Also, if you click on the master due date thread, there's a spreadsheet with each user's "team."

Nerdchild

I can't scroll past this thread without thinking it, so I'll just post it.

mrsmommya

Gender/sex we get it. My doc still calls it gender and for the majority of my baby's childhood I will be addressing/treating him or her based on the genitalia, despite what he/she plans. So gender and sex are pretty much synonyms in my book. 

Anyways...more power to you OP. I think going team green is exciting but I could never do it. Plus I agree with the other comment....with DD we would rather be to tell her about a little sis or bro. 

born2run911

Nerdchild said:

I can't scroll past this thread without thinking it, so I'll just post it.

Omg I forgot about these! Amazing 

Weville

noelietrex

Also team green. Plan to treat our child as team green as they grow up and not treat sex and gender as synonyms or assign any gender roles. Try explaining that one to family in the deep south... With regards to strangers and comments- your baby, your call, end of story.

suprsuz

@mrsmommya that's EXACTLY how I feel.  This gender identity stuff gets a little too serious for humans that aren't even born yet. 

carcrashheart

Just because some people, even doctors, still refer to it as gender doesn't make it right or correct. 

ButterMyBiscuit

Weville said:

Mic drop.

Nerdchild

I can't tell which mic drop was better, the one in the thread or the one Neil DeGrasse Tyson dropped on B.o.B. this week. 

suprsuz

Not questioning the fact.  Just stating that until my daughter identifies one way vs. another, she's going to be treated as a girl.  Pick the mic back up.

ButterMyBiscuit

suprsuz said:

Not questioning the fact.  Just stating that until my daughter identifies one way vs. another, she's going to be treated as a girl.  Pick the mic back up.

Once it's dropped, nothing can be done. But thanks for the suggestion.

suprsuz

That's cute.  

ButterMyBiscuit

suprsuz said:

That's cute.  

Aww shucks. You're sweet.

fleurdelakeview

And who are you again?

elenabrent

What does it mean to treat someone like a girl, exactly? Last I checked girls could do everything boys can do and plenty of boy children are very interested in traditionally feminine toys/clothes/activities. And that exploration of these gendered activities and clothes have absolutely no bearing on whether they have a gender identity different from their physical sex organs. Girls like to play with trucks and boys like to play with dolls. Girls like Star Wars and boys like My Little Pony. Some girls like to wear pants and some boys like to wear skirts. Basically all children like to have their toenails painted. It's all completely normal. 

whataboutscience

We're waiting also. DH's whole family hated it last pregnancy and had no problem telling us as much. Even his grandmas both said they would have found out if they could. My MIL tried to explain you have enough to be happy about the day the baby is born that it's not necessary, etc. My whole family thought it was fantastic we waited though.

Nerdchild

fleurdelakeview said:

And who are you again?

Thank you, I've been waiting to see this!

fleurdelakeview

elenabrent said:

What does it mean to treat someone like a girl, exactly? Last I checked girls could do everything boys can do and plenty of boy children are very interested in traditionally feminine toys/clothes/activities. And that exploration of these gendered activities and clothes have absolutely no bearing on whether they have a gender identity different from their physical sex organs. Girls like to play with trucks and boys like to play with dolls. Girls like Star Wars and boys like My Little Pony. Some girls like to wear pants and some boys like to wear skirts. Basically all children like to have their toenails painted. It's all completely normal. 

This. All of this!

MrsRo731

suprsuz said:

@mrsmommya that's EXACTLY how I feel.  This gender identity stuff gets a little too serious for humans that aren't even born yet. 

I wish you could see how hard I'm rolling my eyes right now. Also, it's a pretty serious issue considering the high suicide rate of transgendered people. 

fleurdelakeview

As some one who routinely works with adolescents and young adults that are traumatized by their parents attempts to force gender identities and roles onto them at a young age I say fuck that. It's never too early to open your eyes and start gaining awareness. 

Weville

suprsuz

I participate in this board.  It's not like I'm a lurker.  I post.  I comment.  I'm just not trying so hard to impress everyone with my way of thinking.  As far as "girly" goes.  I'm going to dress my daughter in clothes from the girl's section.  They still have those, right?  Or did the do away with them for fear of hurting some 1 year old's feelings, you know, because they already identify as male.  They aren't old enough to know the difference.  Seriously come the **** on.  The logic behind the whole argument is flawed.  If we were talking about kids that were even 4 and 5 I would totally agree.  But not "labeling" your unborn child is over the top.  
 Don't think just because someone has a difference in opinion their points can't be validated. 

IB113

The issue is that saying gender is a misuse of the terminology.  That people know what you mean is a reflection of how sexist our society is, not that someone can have an "opinion" about what a specific term means.  Dictionaries don't have opinions.

suprsuz

My point is that unborn babies and infants haven't yet discovered their gender, right?  So why are parents trying so hard to protect them from stereotypes that the infants aren't yet aware of?  When they are old enough to communicate how they identify, that is when the parent should respect the child's wish. Not before. 

suprsuz

And the use of the term gender when referring to a baby's sex was pretty common until recently.  

IB113

Because equating the two (sex and gender) is harmful to people, not just unborn babies. It is incorrect, outdated, and extends stereotypes that we as a society should work hard to discard.

noelietrex

@IB113 I don't know I've seen you around here much either, but I like ya. You should post more often

suprsuz

how exactly is it harmful to unborn babies?  

elenabrent

I think a lot of the people on this board will put their babies in clothes from the girl section or the boy section according to their sex organs. And that's fine, if my baby has a vagina I will put her in some dresses until she's old enough to verbalize an opinion. That's not the argument. The argument is that gender is NOT the same as sex, and saying that it's just semantics is completely wrong. 

As for treating a girl "girly" or a boy "boyie"(?), you're just rubbing me the wrong way. If your argument is that you're going to dress your daughter in traditionally female clothes until she objects, that's cool, whatever. But that is not the same as "treating her girly." That, to me, implies that you plan on treating her differently than you would treat a boy, which in our society means emphasizing the qualities in her that we appreciate from women- their appearance and manners, instead of the qualities that we appreciate in a man- their strength and intelligence. 

Kids are born without knowledge of gender and bias, sexism, racism, classism. We have a magical opportunity to teach this new generation differently than the status quo. Why waste that?

ETA: 

Nerdchild

@suprsuz You should talk to my buddy who doesn't want to look at his baby and early childhood pictures because he doesn't want to explain why he is wearing pink and frills in all of them. He can tell you about trying to kill himself and his slide into heroin use because his parents refused to get him counseling for his gender identity issues and depression because they still wanted 'their little girl'. He has had to reject an entire portion of his life because of the shame and trauma associated with living in a body he didn't identify with. 

Eta: words

elenabrent

And, in honor of someone who totally blew up the gender norms in this country, my friend is now making Bowie dolls (and accepting custom requests). I'm commissioning a Jareth doll, because this baby deserves their own goblin king.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/266223296/david-bowie-felt-doll-halloween-jack?ref=shop_home_active_1

mamafox14

@suprsuz if you impose the stereotypical "girly" archetype on an impressionable child and as they develop they don't identify with it, it can imply that they aren't living up to what your expectations of them are, making it more of a struggle. I don't think anyone is saying you can't put your kid in a dress if you want, but I'm of the mentality that colors don't belong to anyone, nor do toys or styles of play. Encouraging exploration from an early age allows children to feel comfortable in their own skin rather than trying to force them into a box. Also, using the terms sex and gender interchangeably may seem like it's not a big deal to someone who has never struggled with gender identity or witnessed that struggle first hand, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. 

suprsuz

Ok @elenabrent you literally said the same thing I did.  So my "girly" comment was not clear enough.  I meant I will dress her in clothes from the girl's section-which I stated.  I also stated that when my child is old enough to communicate any objections, things will change.  I NEVER said that gender and sex are the same.  I did point out that until recently, the terms were used interchangeably.