June 2016 Moms

Any other STM with husband being a first time dad?

My husband and I got together when my son was 2.5, he just turned 6 last week. I know he loves him as his own, however, getting closer to the end of the pregnancy I can't help but fear how the change may be. Will it be no different than now? What if he favors 'our' child more and my son feels left out? Naturally I will put an end to it immediately by seeking counseling and such things. I am just wondering if any of you have already been faced with this situation; hopefully I am just having pregnancy fear, or was it a work in progress? Or if some of you have the same fears? I wouldn't have married him if he did not treat my son as his own and love him to death, I guess I am just afraid of the unknown.

Re: Any other STM with husband being a first time dad?

  • This will be my fiancé's first child. I have a 10 year old son. He treats my son as if he was his own. Sometimes I get scared as well. Will he change when his child is born? Will everything stay the same? I think it's just pregnancy fear.
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  • I am in a similar situation. Dh and I got together right after my son turned 2. He is 8 now. My big fear is if baby is a boy, is he going to treat our son together different than my son. We have our big ultrasound tomorrow. DH and I have talked about it, and he said he is going to try his hardest to treat them the same. My son's father is not in his life at all, so my DH is the only dad he has. 
    Are your husband and son close?
  • I have an 11 year old son and this pregnancy is my husband's first biological child. My husband and son get along fine but I think it'll be interesting to see how or if he changes when "his" son arrives.
  • I am so thankful that baby is a girl for this exact reason. he is very good to my son and says that he is his dad no matter what happens nothing in the world will change that. However I told him you are about to feel a love you have never felt before and I just want to make sure you are aware of what you do. I make it very clear our marriage will not work if there is favoritism or differences (like treats him bad or leaves him out). They are close, I just hope it stays that way. I wish us all luck ladies.
  • My kids are 11 & 9.  DH & I have been together for 4.5 years.  The absolutely adores the kids & the feeling is mutual.  Maybe I'm a bit naive, but I'm not worried about him treating them like second class citizens; he's incredibly loving & generous with them, and desperately wishes he were their father.  I think it's also helped by the fact that the kids are so thrilled about our marriage and a new baby (they've been begging for years) and that there's such a big age gap. 

    Actually, DH is more nervous than am I.  He's scared that I won't love this baby as much - haha!
  • My DH and I got together when my son was 2.5 then we had another son now we are having a girl!! He still treats DS1 as his own, and has always worked really hard to establish and maintain that relationship.

    It's hard because when you need to baby your baby your toddler definitely needs discipline, it can seem like you are favoring the baby. Even now its difficult because DS1 is having some trouble in school( but its getting better)

    We did and do a lot of talking about it to air out any feelings we had, and really make sure we were not favoring. I think he was almost better at including DS1 than I was, with the breastfeeding and sleep deprivation. Now DS1 is 6 and DS2 is 2.5 and you can see there is no difference, he loves them both immensely. DS1 doesnt remember a time without him, and calls him Daddy. Don't stress! It's difficult, but totally doable. <3
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