Jinxing myself this time around...loss mentioned

n&a2013

I'm 11w 4 d with twins. We had a late MC in late May at 16w exactly with our daughter. I have a huge baby bump and don't fit into any of my clothes anymore but I'm terrified to even think about buying a single pair of jeans or a couple shirts. I feel like I'm jinxing myself by doing so. Last time I had just bought my first set of capris and I lost her a week after. I've even gotten to the point that I've forbidden my parents from buying anything baby related until after our anatomy scan. We had a little bit of a rocky start to this pregnancy and *knock on wood* things are leveling out a little now.

Am I going completely crazy? Because that's definitely the way I feel. Or any other PGAL moms feel like this as well. When did you feel comfortable buying anything, even something as simple as maternity pants?

MamaBish

I totally get this feeling. I am trying very hard to tell myself that nothing can jinx it and what happens will happen. I know in my head that buying a baby item isn't going to affect anything but it's still a struggle.

n&a2013

MamaBish said:

I totally get this feeling. I am trying very hard to tell myself that nothing can jinx it and what happens will happen. I know in my head that buying a baby item isn't going to affect anything but it's still a struggle.

I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat. I know there's nothing I can do and it's out of my control. I just feel like it's one thing I can control by not buying anything. The closer I get to 16 weeks the higher my anxiety is getting. I'm terrified something will happen again.

rkrichey

Totally get this. I had to buy maternity clothes bc my others just did not fit. I had no choice. And I felt like I was jinxing it just doing that. I also just bought a frame for a pic from our ultrasound today a few days ago. I freaked out when it came bc I hadn't had the scan yet and figured it wasn't a great idea. But thankfully had my anatomy scan today and it went well. But that's all I've let myself purchase. So I think it's totally normal. Even if you know it really won't change anything. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

carrieandr

@MamaBish is right. Nothing can jinx it. With that being said, I did avoid buying anything early in this pregnancy. When I found out I was having a MMC the first time around, coming home to pregnancy books, my pregnancy journal, Preggie pops, ginger ale, etc was upsetting. Pregnancy food can't be avoided, but I didn't get anything else this time until 10 weeks, which is later than both of my losses. I got some maternity clothes, because having anything push on my pelvic area was uncomfortable. After my genetic testing and a successful u/s at 12w3d, I bought three onesies, but only because they were on clearance! My advice would be to get some maternity clothes. You need to be comfortable. But if you feel better putting off any other purchases for a while, there's nothing wrong with that. 

n&a2013

Thank you all for letting me know I'm not completely crazy. You're all exactly right, I know in my heart what's going to happen will happen. It's definitely still just a hard pill to swallow.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a specialist and think I will either feel completely relieved or more anxious.

My husband said he's going to force me to get at least a pair of comfortable jeans. Last time I wore my jeans without a couple hair bands around the buttons to stretch, I had horrible pelvic pain for several days after. Luckily, I have been off work on bed rest so I haven't had to leave my sweat pants much. As far as other purchases, I definitely don't feel comfortable at all. I know once we reach the 20w hurdle I may feel a little more at ease. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy, but it's so hard.

peregrinefalconx

So, so normal. Esp with a later loss.

I felt like I would jinx things too. So yeah, didn't want to buy maternity pants (but literally had to unbutton every pair I had, even after sizing up, and actually exposed myself in a restaurant inadvertently, lol). Had also planned a cute little gender reveal to our parents, but almost chickened out due to fear of "jinxing".

Go ahead and get yourself just a couple of basics: a pair of black leggings, a pair of jeans, and maybe one other pair. Then, buy more as you feel more comfortable. I'm just in that semi-confident place now at 21w. So long and hard to get here. Don't let your pants fall down as you are walking out of a Fridays! Give those babies some room

bntfroggie

n&a2013 said:

Thank you all for letting me know I'm not completely crazy. You're all exactly right, I know in my heart what's going to happen will happen. It's definitely still just a hard pill to swallow. I have an appointment tomorrow with a specialist and think I will either feel completely relieved or more anxious. My husband said he's going to force me to get at least a pair of comfortable jeans. Last time I wore my jeans without a couple hair bands around the buttons to stretch, I had horrible pelvic pain for several days after. Luckily, I have been off work on bed rest so I haven't had to leave my sweat pants much. As far as other purchases, I definitely don't feel comfortable at all. I know once we reach the 20w hurdle I may feel a little more at ease. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy, but it's so hard.

I have to say maternity pants are amazing!!!!  A quote from my friend who is also pregnant "Do non-pregnant people know about maternity pants, because they should!"

n&a2013

Well....I had my appoitment today with the specialist! I feel much more relieved to know we have a game plan to hopefully prevent another loss from happening! She was so positive about everything. We had our NT scan done and the babies look wonderful! Baby B was kicked back with both hands behind their head. Adorable!! We are so in love with both of these kiddos.

Since things went so well, I feel a lot more at ease to let myself buy ONE pair of maternity jeans. Now I have to find a pair I like! Nothing else baby related until we feel more comfortable!

Thank you ALL for the support!!! It made me feel soooooo much better!

UponAStar16

I'm very superstitious and make connections between things that have no effect on each other...correlation does not equal causation but emotions and heartache make logic go out the window, I think especially since whatever caused it was not logical! Unfortunately this makes the idea of an ultrasound itself terrifying to me, but anyway let's talk about clothes I had bought maternity clothes months ago when I thought we were almost at 12 weeks before I found out it was a miscarriage, so I still have some summer shirts and 2 pairs of pants I've been wearing ever since (between bloat that never went away or more likely post-mc unhealthy calories I was taking in)....if you don't have any winter clothes and still can't bring yourself to buy them, maybe for now just buy pants in a bigger size that's more comfortable or try maternity clothes on and let someone else buy them for you