First BFP after MC

Tippy05

Hi ladies,

I've been lurking here for a while and think I may have even commented on a few posts without properly introducing myself.  I just left TTGP and am not quite ready to jump to my BMB yet, so I'll probably hang out here a little longer, if you'll have me.

I recently had a mmc in October (measured 8w6d, found at 12w2d).  It has been, no doubt, the hardest thing DH and I have ever been through.  I'm ok physically and got the ok to start again after having 1 period.  Last week I tested positive and today makes me 5 weeks.  We haven't told anyone and just called today to make my first dr appointment.

I'm terrified.  I know I should be excited and happy, but after my loss I just can't get myself excited just yet.  I want to be, but there is so much fear and anxiety and worry that it's completely overshadowing any positive feelings I have.  I'm so afraid I'm going to lose this baby too and the thought of that is just too much to handle, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way.  I should be excited, and I want to be, I'm just so scared.  So many emotions...

I always thought that seeing the heartbeat meant you were in the clear, so to speak, but we saw the heartbeat at 6 wks and then at 12wks there was none.  I wish I could have that naive excitement that I had with my last two pregnancies, but this time around it just feels so different.

For those of you that are further along, does it get easier?  When did you start to "relax"?  I think it'll take me a long time to get there, and maybe not at all.  I feel like I'm holding my breath and that maybe I won't be able to breath out again until I have this baby in my arms, I don't know.  What helped get you through?

Thanks for listening.

 

alexcook294

First a foremost, sorry for your loss. But congrats on the BFP! I also had a MC in October and got my first BFP yesterday! I can totally relate to your emotions. Anxiety is through the roof! I am trying to convince myself that this is a new pregnancy, new baby, it deserves its own recognition. The past is not a predictor for this pregnancy therefore I'm trying to stay stress free and positive. Easier said than done....total mind game. I'm sure I'll be a basket case when the first appt rolls around. Setting short term goals has been a helpful tool in the past for me. Just know we support you and are sending positive thoughts your way!

Tippy05

@alexcook294 - thanks, and big congrats on your BFP!  Here's to a smooth, uncomplicated 9 months to both of us.   

bntfroggie

Congratulations on your BFP.  I have a similar story to yours, I became pregnant almost exactly 1 year ago, and got my BFP a few days before valentines day 2015.  We had an U/S at 9+2wks with a healthy little heartbeat, when we went back at 11+6wks the heartbeat was gone and the baby measured 9+4wks.  It was absolutely devastating.  Today I am 30+4wks with a healthy little baby girl, and my anxiety is at a minimum, but until I passed 14wks or even further I was a nervous wreck.  I fell down the stairs at 16wks and went for an emergency U/S and at that point they switched the monitor over to 3D and we saw her moving her hands and feet all around and she had fingers and toes and was beautiful.  Anyway it was that moment where I saw she was doing what she was supposed to be doing (growing like a weed) and all the pressure and anxiety was lifted.  Now I'm not going to lie to you I have a growth U/S in 1 wk and I'm nervous, I'm paranoid something is wrong with her that they didn't catch in the anatomy scan, what if she isn't growing how she should be?  I'm anxious to see my baby but at the same time scared because now it is out of sight out of mind type of thing.  I can't wait to meet her on her birthday.  Anyway long story short hang in there, I know how hard it is, but it does get easier.

Tippy05

@bntfroggie - thanks and good luck with your sweet baby girl.  30 weeks - almost there!

rkrichey

I could have written your post. Exact same timing with my 2nd loss (3total). Saw hb at 6w, mmc at 12, baby measured 8. It totally messed me up. The way I get through it, honestly and this sounds bad but you do what you have to do, I ignore it. I mean I take my vitamins, I eat as well as I can avoiding the things you're not supposed to have and I do what you're supposed to do. But other than that, I just can't let myself think about it. Good or bad. Once I hear the hb at 12 weeks I feel better but not convinced. I just had my anatomy scan today and it thankfully went well so now I'm done ignoring. I'm all in. And there's plenty of time to be excited now. So just do whatever you need to do to get you through the day. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tippy05

@rkrichey - I'm glad your scan went well.  I'm kind of in that "don't think about it" phase now.  One day at a time, I guess.  Thanks!