IVF veterans- thoughts or advice? (loss mentioned)

micheletnyc

Struggling with a decision and keep hoping for a sign to help.....Sorry in advance for the lengthy story.

My husband and I have been at this for quite a long time after we found out in 2010 I was in early menopause. We decided to take the donor egg route and in Dec 2013 were matched. Unfortunately, didn't get a lot of eggs and only wound up with two "not great" embryos resulting in a chemical pregnancy.  We made the decision to match with one more donor and in Aug 2014 were much luckier with loads of eggs and 8 embryos: Aug 2014 transfer didn't work, Sept 2014 BFP with twins- lost after the heartbeat at 8 weeks followed by D&C and hysteroscopy (and loads and loads of tears).  Went for it again in March 2015, BFP turned out to be ectopic- two shots of metho and a surgery solved that in April.  Took time to heal and focus on getting healthy.  In Nov 2015 and Dec 2015 transferred with no success.  

At this point, we have transferred all our embryos. My plan ALWAYS was to end this journey once we ran out of embryos and then to consider adoption, however we were presented with a whole new option this week...during a follow up visit with my RE, we were told there was no conclusive reason nor consistent pattern why I have not been able to have a baby and they strongly believe it can still happen. 

They presented me with the option to use another egg donor but this time they now can do CCS on the embryos.  HOWEVER what I'm faced with this time is that financially if this doesn't work we can't then afford adoption--   so for the first time in my journey, I need to make a decision between the two instead of waiting to make the decision based on what happens with IVF.  I have gone through the pros and cons of IVF versus adoption and just can't make a decision that I feel good about in my gut.  

Have any of you been faced with this decision? How did you decide what to do?
And if anyone has done CCS what do you think? My biggest fear is that we will do it and then they all come back as not viable and we're left with nothing...but it clearly would save us the emotional roller coaster of repeated failures.

I really would appreciate any advice...and again I'm so sorry to tell such a long winded story! (and am even sorrier if you have been through a similarly long and unfortunate journey).  thank you!!!

oxinfree

Hi @micheletnyc - I'm so sorry to hear about your lengthy journey. We started ttc in 2011 and haven't once had a positive on a pregnancy test, so can only imagine the frustration and pain you experienced throughout these ups and downs. My heart aches for you. I know the pain of wanting a child so badly for so long and repeatedly coming up empty. 

This is going to be long winded back, hope that's alright

Here's where I'm at... we've done 1 fresh, 1 frozen IVFs both transferring 2 eggs and both BFN. We took a long long break to 1) get healthy 2) save up 3) emotionally prepare to try again as we were out of eggs (I only got 4 that fertilized and we're out).
So now we're gearing up for another fresh round and I'm facing similar questions. We're unexplained (mild male factor morphology - ICSI to treat) unless anything comes up on my biopsy that I had last week that I'm waiting to hear back from. So we feel like we're beating our heads against a wall. No answers, no insight into why things aren't working out. 

Assuming my biopsy comes back all in the clear the plan is to do intralipid therapy along with PGS but the out of pocket expense for PGS (or CCS as you referred to it) is off the charts and I'm not sure how we'll pay. But our plan is to find a way as given the fact that we have no other diagnosis and nothing else to target/treat, its our best shot. We're willing to do 2 more transfers before moving to adoption.

Like you, if we are not successful, we will not have the money right away, so made this decision knowing that we would likely have to wait a few years before even starting the application process. (unless we win the lottery... maybe we should start an infertility lottery pool haha... wouldn't that be a news story!?) We are fortunate in that we are young (about to turn 31) so starting a family around 35 isn't that uncommon. I'm not sure on your age, but know that for me even, the thought of waiting another 5 years or so is heartbreaking. I just want to start a family however that will be.

I think that us trying again has a lot to do with my husband wanting to continue trying. Me? I'd be okay to move to adoption and re-cross a biological child potential down the road. But of course, mother nature suggests I should do the opposite so I agreed. On top of that, we are with a new RE who believes in immune issues, and we're changing my protocol which is giving me hope that at least we're trying something different (rather than doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome). 

The decision is a very personal one, and a lot of the pros/cons are going to be different couple to couple. I guess my take is that you should really just trust your gut. I know that's lame, and not overly helpful, but I just had to trust my instincts in the end and feel really good about moving in the direction we are. 

I dunno... hope that at least gave you a sense that you're not alone in this struggle, and that someone else gets what you're going through. Big hugs.

micheletnyc

HI
@oxinfree THANK YOU for your response- it really does mean so much to have you share your personal story with me.  I'm sorry you also have not had luck and will cross my fingers and toes for you as you await the biopsy results and whatever the steps beyond that hold!  I always go by my gut on these things but for some reason, she aint talking to me so to speak   The good news is my husband and I aren't rushing a decision and I'm trying not to obsess over the thoughts but we are having some good conversation about it.  

Good luck and fingers crossed for you.
m

micheletnyc

and ps
 @oxinfree that lottery would be SUCH a story.  lol