Can't win!!

saraawlbr

I'm currently sitting in emergency waiting for my SECOND D&C since the birth of my daughter on January 15. The first one was done while I was awake a few hours after her birth...epidural had worn off and all I got was gas. It was truly a thing of nightmares.

Because of all this, plus some complications with baby that put her in the NICU I wasn't able to see baby until more than twelve hours after her birth.

I woke up this morning to massive amounts of bleeding and clots and at my midwives suggestion came into emergency. Now I sit here poked with holes, dehydrated and without my baby waiting for more of mothers natures wrath.

Combine all of this with a traumatic birth experience and never ending set backs with breastfeeding and I'm feeling pretty defeated.

I'm afraid of PPD...I'm sad that I missed out on all of the post-birth bonding opportunities with my baby. I feel bad that she didn't get the welcome to the world I had planned for her.

Sorry for the long post...just really needing to share my emotions and fears.

mamakculb

Ugh that all sounds so crappy! So sorry Mama. ****hugs**** praying for relief from the post partum complications and for some calm down time for you and baby. Just take one day at a time. Before you know it, this'll all be behind you!

Mommyduclos

Oh man that seriously sucks. Cry, grieve, let out all the feels and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So many people hold the stance that if baby is healthy birth went fine but I disagree it is a fragile time and you have every right to grieve what you missed out on. Be gentle to yourself.

ambercakes92

I'm sorry for what you're going through

I'm going through some PPA/PPD right now myself. It's so tough, and for me stems entirely from wanting to be perfect and feeling as though I'm not living up to what it means to be a mother. Even if you do experience PPD, just know that you'll come out on the other side eventually! Just ensure that you have a good support system and you'll work it out. That sweet baby is waiting for you, and will love you no matter what!

SummerOH

Oh honey. Big hugs. First thing is to get your body healthy. Then you can focus on your baby, who I'm sure is in great hands right now. My sister had a traumatic birth experience and suffered PTSD for months from it before going to therapy, which helped immensely. It is a very real thing moms experience, along with PPD, and is much more common that you'd think. Please seek out help if you continue to feel this way. Lots of love and hugs your way. I hope your body and mind can begin to heal quickly.

maureenmce

Oh my gosh, you poor thing!  I'm so sorry.  Echoing PP, just focus on getting your body healthy and getting through all of this terrible stuff, and don't worry about bonding with the baby, you and the LO will be fine!  My boss had a very, very traumatic birth with her oldest and had to be hospitalized for some time (I think weeks, maybe a month?) and though she felt like she had a ton of catching up to do, bonding wise, her son grew up completely healthy and they bonded just great once she was finally home.  Take care and I hope you're out of the woods soon!