New Girl Intro *TW - Loss*

DaAliDShow

Hello, ladies. Looking for a place to hang out while I ride out this process... I found out yesterday that miscarriage is imminent. I was active on TTGP since September, then on my BMB (S '16). My story isn't that horrible. In fact, part of me kind of feels like a fraud because I wasn't really *that* pregnant. The grief, though, is so, so heavy and very real.

I had my LMP on 12/13, and was thrilled with a BFP on 1/7. Things were going great even though I had a bunch of crappy symptoms. For kicks I did a Clearblue digi with weeks predictor on Friday 1/15, and was relieved to see 'Pregnant 2-3 weeks'. I was right on track. Then the next day I started spotting. Then my symptoms completely disappeared. No more sore boobs, no more constipation (sorry, TMI), and no more fatigue. I didn't think too much of it, but the spotting persisted, and on Wednesday 1/20, I started to bleed. I was 5 weeks, 3 days along. My doctor had me come in that afternoon. She did a transvaginal ultrasound and saw an empty uterus. She kept saying, "Oh, well, it's very early. Just 4, maybe 5 weeks." But the margin of error between LMP and my BFP was too narrow. I knew when I saw the empty screen that something was wrong. Betas were drawn that day - 144. By Friday it dropped to 28. It was likely a blighted ovum. Now I'm just waiting for everything to pass. I have been bleeding in small amounts intermittently since Wednesday. No pain. I think I still have quite a bit more to bleed. My endometrial lining was pretty thick. I'm scared it's going to happen suddenly while I'm at work or something...

Needless to say, DH and I are absolutely crushed. I am nervous about getting pregnant again since this was my first pregnancy experience, but we are eager to get back in the saddle. I go for another draw Thursday to see if I've zeroed out. Hoping to get the go-ahead to TTC again after that. DH has been really great, and my doctor as well. Even my dad, who has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, has given me a lot of comfort and support. Feeling lucky and pissed and terrified and heart-broken all at the same time. Grateful to have been directed to this board. Reading some of your stories has been comforting and inspiring. Thanks for letting me share with you. I look forward to getting to know you all.

BornReady

Sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult thing to cope with no matter where you were in your pregnancy. I think the second we see the positive test something changes, we start imagining a future and making plans and then all of a sudden everything stops.  It's terrible regardless, but I"m glad you have some good support.  Good luck with everything!

AL_TwinCities

I am so sorry for your loss. My first loss was also early, at 5+6. I struggled for a long time with the loss (still do). Now that I have had a second loss at 12+1, it has made me realize that any loss is painful, no matter how early. I found it helpful to commemorate my loss in some way. For me it was a tattoo but others have planted trees or gotten a piece of jewelry. Hugs to you - I hope you find this group to be as helpful as many of us have.

MamaCoffin

A loss is a loss. There's no reason to compare it to others... Though I understand your concern for others stories. I know so many people who have suffered so much to just have one healthy child. For me, having a miscarriage after being blessed with two healthy babies seems unfair to complain about. But... Pain is pain. And only we can feel our own. I hope you can heal quickly and that you don't have to spend much time here!

catiecatp

@alicedavid2013 - I am sorry for your loss. 

cjs260

@alicedavid2013 So sorry to see you here, but you've came to a wonderful board full of supportive women. I don't have much advice other than feel your feelings. You've lost someone very important to you, and only if they were a part of your life for a short amount of time, you still have to mourn that loss and the loss of the future plans you made. Best of luck, and I hope your stay here is very brief!

PeggyOlsonFTW

So sorry to see you here @alicedavid2013

IMHO, a loss is a loss no matter how early you experience it. You wanted that baby and you loved it. The pain and grief are real no matter how small the baby.

TTCAL is so hard and stressful, but I think you'll find this board helpful.

DaAliDShow

Thank you all - @cjs260, @catiecatp, @jenmlangtake2, @BornReady.

@AL_TwinCities, I'm so sorry you're going through this again. I remember when I was a lowly noob on TTGP and you got your second BFP. My heart sank to see your post on here. *Hugs*

Hi, @PeggyOlsonFTW. Thanks for your kind words. I also remember you from TTGP, of course. Honestly, I've missed all the snark and hilarity. My former BMB was a bit of a drag...

MissPrint1219

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience @6 weeks, so I completely understand what you mean about not being *that* pregnant. There is no such thing as an easy loss, and I hope you find the support you are looking for here.

megsbrock

@alicedavid2013 so very sorry for your loss. I think the ladies have already said it all. We are here to listen and support you, you have many sympathetic ears here!

SuperKristy85

I'm sorry for your loss. I was also on bmb sep 16 and had my mc when I was just about as far along as you were. I understand your feeling that it's not as significant since we weren't that far along but it is still a very difficult process to go through no matter how far along. I bled for about a week. I hope your bleeding stops and you can start ttc soon (since it sounds like that's your plan). I found it was a little easier when it got past that waiting prod and I could focus more on just trying again.

*edited for typos*