So my husband and I have been TTC for 3+ years, after getting pregnant we experienced our loss at our first checkup. The baby stopped growing 1 week prior to our visit. We had told our closest friends and family that we were expecting as soon as we got the positive pregnancy test.(too soon, I know this now). About 1 week after I lost the baby, our best friends announced their pregnancy.(also their first).They had been trying for maybe 3 months. I know I should be happy for them, but every time we hang out together, she always points out the fact that she's pregnant/expecting.(talking about symptoms, asking for my advice, etc.) It feels as though she's rubbing it in our faces because I don't cry or talk about the loss in front of them or show my grief. I would be about 20-21 weeks right now and she's at 14 weeks. We feel jealous, angry, frustrated, devastated that she's still pregnant and I'm not. How can I let her know how she's making me/us feel?
Re: Dealing with pregnant friends after loss
Me: 33 & DH: 33
BFP #1: 11/2015, MC 12/2015 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 06/2016, EDD 2/15/2017
She's made a few rather insensitive comments to me (she's well aware of my losses and she is a nurse) and I wonder how she as a pregnant woman could say such things, but it's just proof that only going through this process do you gain any perspective whatsoever. That cycle will only be broken if pregnancy loss isn't such a hush hush topic, but that's a rant for another day...!
My only advice is to try and give yourself a break and let yourself have space from these people whenever you need it. Only worry about your own feelings; you have too much going on to worry about anyone else's. They will be fine, and if they matter then they'll understand in the long run. It's hard to make this shift if you are a social person or a people pleaser, like me, but I'm starting to learn that I have to protect my own heart because no body else will! I only see them or talk to them when needed, like at family get togethers and stuff. I love my brother and I know someday we will all be on the other side of this awkward time. But for now it's just the way things need to be.
TTC #1 started Aug 2014
BFP Apr 3 2015
natural M/C April 20 2015 @ 6w6d
BFP Nov 18 2015
natural M/C Nov 23 2015 @ 5w4d.
My best friend found out she was pregnant one day before I miscarried. She got pregnant after one fluke time of having sex and my husband and I had been trying for 6 months. She gets to continue on and I'm still working out how to be excited for her but also very jealous. She has been very understanding and I've been very honest with her - seeing her reminds me of my loss and her future child will always remind me of what could have been because we would have been due around the same time. She has been very patient and it's really helped our friendship and my healing.
I gave birth to my baby girl Dec 21 2015 at 33+4 weeks and she passed away 30 minutes later. My due date is actually tomorrow and 3 of my closest friends are pregnant and she either this month or next month. 2 of them are more understanding than the other and I've had to distance myself from the one who isn't. I did talk to her about it and she still doesn't seemed to understand.
I'm sure if your best friends knew they were hurting you they would feel bad. If it were me I would kindly say, "I'm so happy for you guys and I don't want you to think I don't care about you or the life of your baby, but I need you to know that I am grieving the loss of our baby and sometimes it is hard for me to talk so much about your pregnancy. I hope this doesn't hurt you because that is not the intent at all, but because we're friends I needed to tell you that I'm hurting and need support as well."
If you have already talked to them by now I hope things are better. I am thinking of you sweetie.