How to deal with pg friends on FB

Boots&Co

So, as I mentioned in my intro post last week, it feels like every person on Facebook is currently pregnant (except for me, of course), men included (they like to share their wives details). I've been trying to find ways to get away from their lives, yet still be engaged and show my support (it's not their fault that I'm silently suffering). I've started commenting and liking their posts, then in the top right corner, I click on "turn off notifications for this post" so that I don't have to see everyone else posting after mine and keep being reminded. Then I unfollow them for a few days and go visit when I'm back in a manageable mentality. Anyone else have some social media hacks for those who are ttcal?

queenklau

I deleted Facebook from my phone for a few weeks. It took effort to get on the computer and log in, which limited my fb visits. When I felt much better, i installed the app again.
I also stopped following friends that are due over the next few months, I didn't think I could handle it at first.

strickland8052

I completely banned myself from Facebook. August announcements will probably start to come out soon, and I just couldn't take that (my EDD was in August). I'm a social media manager for my job, so I still have to get on my Facebook for a split second until I swap to my company's account, but that is my only interaction with my personal social media accounts.

BornReady

I have no real advice, I mostly just stay off of Facebook/Instagram when I'm struggling or having a bad day. I actually find that I have a harder time with my friends/siblings who have older kids, like 5, 6 etc. It reminds me more of my years of trying to build my family and how old my kids would be if I had been successful when we first started. Ugh, it's never easy. One of my mantras is "identify don't compare", it helps me stop from trying to compare my journey to someone else's which inevitably leaves me feeling bad about my own journey and idea of what I thought I "should" have by now. 

RiverSong15

Honestly, I deleted Facebook off my phone the day I miscarried. I've been much happier without seeing everyone's life updates. This way, checking Facebook will have to be a very conscious choice that I make when I feel up to it. Unexpected updates throw me for a loop, but I'm better when I can prepare mentally. Could you just reach out via text/phone/email/in person instead of FB?

NamelessAria

My phone came with a Facebook app that I promptly removed. And I simply don't ever log on to Facebook and look.

I started noticing that no matter how good my mood was before I'd log on Facebook, I'd always log off at least mildly depressed. For me it was an easy decision once I realized that. I decided that keeping up with the lives of people I don't know well enough to even know what's going on in their life otherwise simply wasn't worth robbing myself of my mental health and happiness. Obviously, my family and close friends I still see and talk to on the phone and such. So I know what is going on in their lives without Facebook. I don't feel as if I've lost anything except an unnecessary  source of pain.

But everyone is different and you may not be ready to give up Facebook. My advice, if you're not ready to give it up completely would be to at least pare it down to the people you actually really want to know about. Like ask yourself "if this person got pregnant and I didn't know, would I feel like I'd missed out on something important? Would it upset me more not to know in the long run than it would to know?" If the answer is yes, keep them as a friend. If the answer is no just get rid of them. There is no point in hurting yourself to see announcements from people you don't really care about. The average person has "friends" from Facebook they haven't seen or talked to in years. That's just silly. You don't need to know that the girl you had English 101 with and haven't spoken to since is having triplets or something. Once you've pared your friends list down to people you legitimately care about then at least you're only having to be upset my announcements from people that, once you've taken some time, you'll be happy for. Although, I'd assume most people on this list you'd see and/or talk to without Facebook. So back to how you could probably just get rid of Facebook.

As far as how I personally feel about Facebook in my own life: F*** Facebook. Seriously.

glamakitti

I point blank refuse to join any social media accounts, never had one never will. It seems I may have saved myself from a bit of heartache. I think the other ladies have given the best advice for you OP in deleting Facebook from their phones. Best of luck x

catiecatp

I removed FB from my phone awhile ago - I didn't like the time suck it caused me. I need to pare down who I follow on FB now - it is tough because some people share so many things BUT I'd like to know if they post photos of their pets etc. but you can't have one without the other.

And I need FB to keep in touch with friends and family that live far away - I've got close family (e.g., Nonna and sister) in Italy for example. I don't call them much, I hate the phone, so I use FB for that. I need to pare down Instagram, there is at least one person who I don't know well who is due in the same month I was due. I'm not going to want to see that - and looking at her past month of photos, I won't be missing anything interesting...

megsbrock

Both DH and I have deactivated our Facebook accounts. Not only do the pregnancy announcements of strangers (and acquaintances) on there make me want to scream, I was just finding it annoying in general. I was wasting too much time on it.
I still have Instagram though. I follow a lot less people on there so it's manageable.

@NamelessAria your reply on this topic is bang on. Agreed agreed agreed.

BooksForMe23

I'm with @RiverSong15 .  I deactivated my Facebook the week after my miscarriage and haven't looked back.

Wishilivedinflorida

Yes! Free of FB and no regrets! It's amazing how much time it sucks in your day. I figure, if you are my "friend," then we are friends in real life, and I'll know about all your cool life events and happenings and vice versa.

silentP

Facebook has a strong hold on me, but I love how you put it, @NamelessAria! It's really so unimportant to keep up with this stuff in the grand scheme of things. I definitely did a big friend cleanse and lots of hiding and unfollowing, but better to stay off it altogether.

Aera11

I'm in agreement with all the PP.  I've taken time away from it and it's been very helpful.  Like you, I am happy for good friends and family...it seems to be harder with people you don't know as well or aren't close with.  On days when you're struggling, just stay off of it and do something else for you I've found that on my lowest, roughest days, either my husband or I need to do something to lift my spirits and it becomes a great distraction.  We'll go get a nice coffee or go walk around Barnes & Noble.  I've also forced myself to be kinder and make nice gestures to complete strangers and that always makes me feel better.  I don't post or share anything on FB anymore, so that it isn't obvious when I am not 'liking' or commenting on things every day.

UponAStar16

I don't have much to suggest beyond what others said and I think they are all great options with pros and cons to each. For me personally, it was helpful to unfollow friends who were pregnant. That way I still was connected to them, and I could choose to view their updates at times when I was better prepared. Of course that doesn't prevent unexpected announcements from other friends but it cut down on a lot of daily/weekly/monthly reminders that are/were hard to deal with a lot of times since my miscarriage. It gets easier...not easy, but easier...Xoxo