Parenting

Failed mom

Hello ladies,

I am feeling pretty down.. I have a teenage daughter (15) whom is depressed, has anxiety, as well as ODD. And she cuts. She is quite the handful, to the point she will not stay in her classes. When she breaks a house rule and is giving the consequences she will take off to the nearest bridge(to jump) .. I have the cops at my house on a wkly bases who escorts her to mental health services .. She is released back into our care within 1-2 hrs after.

She refuses to talk to both hubby and I . However she has 8 people she connects with whom all conderdict each other. She is not really getting any help, nor is she engaging in getting help. No one will any one give me a heads up due to confidentiality. Which is rather frustrating .

I am at my wits end, and I am really close in calling child services and putting her into foster care. My family of 5 is walking on egg shells daily hoping to not set off my 15 yr old. My toddler is witnesses these out bursts and she shouldn't be.. We remove her from the house it's it get too bad.

A few nighs ago she was suppose to return home from crisis, and go straight her room to give us all some space and cool down.. Instead she stood in my room screaming at myself and her father. Waking up her younger sister.. I asked her to go to her room and relax and she refused .. We called the cops, and she was arrested. She Spent the in jail.

I feel horrible .. But my mental health as taken a serious down turn due to all this. I am on two different kinds of meds to help me cope.. Getting out of bed in the morning as become a chore.

She had told crisis that both her father and I have been taunting and teasing her.. Which we have not been.. That would be just horrible.. We are trying to help her and she will not allow us to. She turns all of our positivity into negativity and its draining .

She has just recently taken two razor blades to school. Where she cuts.. And school phoned me to inform me that if she is caught with more she is suspended.. I don't know how to approach this, do I ground her or ignore it.. If I ground her she will just take off to the bridge.

Sorry for the long post, I feel like I have failed as a parent somewhere down the line..

I'm not a troll, I just signed up to vent this off my chest..

Thank for reading .

Re: Failed mom

  • First of all, police and hospitals have a mandatory 48 hour hold for suicidal patients if you are in the US. Secondly, if she is a danger to herself or others, you as her parent can simply have her committed to a psych ward to get the help / medication she needs to get back to normal.
    crsanchez87UseTheTriforce94SarahFoley725boymomstrong
  • No hospital will keep her.. The ped mental health feel that because of her anxiety being locked up in a hospital won't help. Police just bring her home after a trip to mental health services.. Canadian laws :/.. I love tried making the hospital keep her .. But they won't.
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  • cavkoonarcavkoonar member
    edited January 2016
    Unfortunately foster care might exacerbate the issues for her but it wouldn't hurt to make the call to ask about services. They likely won't open a file unless your girl is threating to harm herself and you feel like you can't protect her or if she is a danger to your toddler. Would she be willing to engage in counselling? Has she been to a paediatrician as it sounds like significant mental Health concerns. She may need a full work up done with additional assessments - do you know where she is at in terms of cognitive functioning? Is she using drugs? So many unknowns with teens. It's hard at 15 years old for sure.
    crsanchez87
  • cavkoonarcavkoonar member
    edited January 2016
    Also, regarding the cutting, I would recommend not grounding her or ignoring it. There is an underlying reason why she is doing it - some kind of trauma she experienced or some kids do it for attention seeking. Whatever the case may be, she needs professional help - family and individual help. Let her know you are concerned (which you are and have done) Doesn't sound like the school is particularly helpful or supportive. Sigh. A pediatrician appointment should be sought. Good luck. Hope this was helpful.
    crsanchez87kyrenora
  • Sounds like a job for Dr Phil
  • Thank you everyone for the replies.. She is now in a peds mental health where She has told the therapist there that both her father and I did nothing about her secret (sexual assualt from
    Five yrs ago) that she told us. As well told the therapist that we threatened to sue the school.. Which then child services was notified leading to an open case with them now. To clairy we just found this out last spring .. After finding out I communicated with the counsellor at the school (did not threaten to sue) , took my Daughter to a Dr. , then notified the counselling services my daughter was working with so they can discuss it further and help her get the help she needed. As well a police report was done just recently .

    I also found out today that my privacy doesn't fall under the privacy act apparently . My history of counselling for my Own mental health (7yrs ago) has been opened with out my approval.. And then I was blamed for my daughters behaviour.

    I have taken care of my mental
    Health so I can properly care Fort children.

    My daughter was suppose to be dishcharged this Thursday, but I'm
    Not ready for her to come home and I voiced this to the hospital.. I'm drained emotionally. So we don't know if we lost our daughter to child services at this point ..

    Part of us wants to surrender her to child services , and a part of us doesn't want give up on her.. She doesn't want us in her life anymore. I no longer know what to do. I am
    At a loss .




    Thanks for listening .
  • Its all about healing now and moving forward. I did think her trauma may have been of that nature but didn't want to assume or write that. Can you discuss a custody agreement with children's services? Where in Canada r u?
  • We have discussed foster care at one point with children's serives but at that time they would not remove her from the home. 

    Im in ontario 
  • Sorry you and your daughter are going through this situation!  I would encourage you not to give up on her even though the frustration leads you to think that way.  Being a teen is so tough!  I went through an episode of depression at 15/16 and now I'm a therapist working with teens.  I would encourage you to ask her (or her caretakers) how you can help her and what she needs from you.  She may not know or hear it but at least you would be reaching out to her. If she feels like you weren't there for her after the sexual assault, I would apologize for that and ask what you can do now.  I would also encourage her to reach out to the 8 people that she trusts in case of emergency.

    That said, I do not think you failed as a mom.  There are a lot of influences in a teens life, you are just one of them. And at some point, she's going to have to take charge of her life and grow as an adult. I hope things get better from here.
  • Thank you everyone for the replies.. 

    She had decided this evening that she does not want to be here.. And child services will be notified. It looks like she may be headed to foster care. 

    Feeling hopless 
  • I just want to say your screen name hurt my heart. I get it and I get that this is how you feel. Im so sorry this is what you are experiencing. 

    Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat. 

    This is isn't a reflection on you, however hard that may be to believe...
  • I would like to post an up date on my daughter.. We had a meeting with the hospital and family services and have decided home is best for her..she had a over night pass out.. And cops were called as she tried running away.. After she calmed down she sat down with both her father and I and told us everything on her mind.. Which is a huge step! I'm hoping we can go forward with this .. She is now home for good.. We purchased her requests of stuff to use as her coping tools ... 5 days in and so far so good.. 

    Thanks ladies for all Input. 
    austinjlandreaAL11
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