I'm starting to stress out about visitors.

leap_frog

I brought it up today and my husband and mom think I'm a crazy person. Truth is the thought of having visitors (not including immediate family) makes my anxiety skyrocket. Most all of our close family and friends have kids. And I'm so stressed about having full on visitors. (Mostly the kids.) I think I'm overly nervous about the baby getting sick.

I know this sounds stupid. But what do/did you do to deal?

caromartin

I did not expect to have a lot of visitors with my first but at 1 point I had over 10 people in the room (we had a private room) with kids running around. Every family member I had in town showed up. It really affected my breastfeeding routine and it was hard for staff to do their job around them. This time, I started warning people that I do not want a lot of visitors at the hospital and would have an "open house" at some point after we get home so they can drop in and meet the baby. 

Jessdub10

I've been feeling the same. It's one of the reasons I am happy to still be pregnant. I don't want to deal with people while I'm recovering.
I fully intend to say the baby's hungry at his first little wiggle or grunt and excuse myself to feed him if I'm tired of a visitor. Then I'll let dh be the bouncer.

As for kids, I'm not worried about family because they are all vaccinated and they know better than to show up sick. We've also already had that conversation about flu and dtap with the close adults. But my dh has some friends who "wanna see the baby" - the majority of them will be told "it's not a good time" when they call to visit just because I don't know them personally and most of them do have little ones - which means their visit could turn into a play date with my 3 yr old and leave us stuck entertaining the adults. A good excuse for friends is that you already have family visiting or have plans with family.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care about what people expect or think about me, I won't be rude if I can help it, but I will have my way when it comes to my recovery, our baby (and 3 yr old because I know family will think they can take over with her too). Luckily dh feels the same or is understanding because he remembers how hard my recovery was the first time. I'm hoping it's easier this time, but I'll milk it if need be
Let your husband be the hero in these situations, talk to him about what you need or expect and maybe have a signal for those moments when you are overwhelmed so he can take over. I'm sure he's just as concerned as you are when it comes to sick kids around your baby.

danasphillips

We are having NO visitors at the hospital other than our son. DH tried to fight me on this one but I put my foot down because I ended up with PPA last time around and I know a huge part of it was because there were constantly people wanting to visit/hold the baby, etc. and I felt like I never really got a chance to just relax! We are going to allow visitors once we are home but I figure at least then I can wear the baby and escape to my bedroom with him/her as needed.

Wicked4589

I told people children were not allowed at the hospital because of germs. I didn't mince words. And when someone wants to come over I ask them if they have been around anyone sick. If they have, they have to wait a week. My kid, my choice. My brother and sister in law still haven't met my son and he's two weeks old. They have been around sick kids. Not my problem.

UptownPearl

Me too! All these people are stressing me out! DH's family came the other night and brought their kids. I let the adults hold him for about 20 min and before the kids could touch him I said he needed to eat and took him upstairs to nurse. We stayed up there until they left. I haven't invited a single person over, but my house has been a rotating door of visitors and I really don't want my newborn constantly passed around. The nursing excuse has been what I rely on to have some control over how long I'm separated from my son and limiting who gets to hold him. Now that we're starting week two I'm hoping things will calm down?

Monilee1017

Most hospitals don't allow children under a certain age, you should look into yours. Also I think visitors at the hospital are easier than visitors at home. 1. They tend not to stay as long, 2. You have nurses, doctors and LCs coming in and out which I think helps to get people moving if they are staying too long, 3. They can't bring their kids

leap_frog

My hospital doesn't have set visiting hours (anyone could come at anytime) and they allow kids! Crazy! But I do think I will have my husband stress no kids when he makes the announcement calls.

Monilee1017

I would. I thinks it's reasonable to tell people they can come but can't bring their kids. Especially with it being flu season.

mrscammack

I just had this discussion with DH last night, his mom is notorious for insisting her dad and brother come to every event and I really don't feel comfortable with them being at the hospital while I'm recovering. We've said only our parents are allowed to visit at the hospital and we're limiting visitors for our first week at home because that's the only time DH will be able to take off work and I want him to have every chance to bond/spend time with his daughter instead of passing her around and entertaining guests. After that I know I'm going to have to relax my rules a little, but I'm sticking to my guns on no sick visitors, calling first or you don't come in and won't hesitate to take baby back/ask guests to leave if she needs to nurse or we're just tired.

DianaL92

I started having anxiety about this too. I'm having mine at a birthing center where they place a lot of emphasis on at least an hour of skin-to-skin after the baby is born and then having a meeting with the LC to help answer any questions about breastfeeding before the baby does his routine tests. I would feel extremely awkward with people staring at me with my boob hanging out while I'm trying to get acquainted with my son and get the hang of breastfeeding. I know my family would be really upset if they had to wait over an hour to see him, but I'm getting annoyed with thinking about it. I want it to be about me, baby, and FI. Not everyone else. The midwives said they have no problem being the bad guy and kicking everyone out until I'm comfortable. Maybe I'll take them up on that offer.

stephanienjer

We just went through this last week. We had our baby on Wednesday, and Thursday, the visitors started coming in around 8 in the morning! I think we probably had between 10 and 15 people stop by--most without asking. I had two friends in particular--that I love very dearly who stayed for FOUR HOURS. Do you know how hard your first day of nursing is? I eventually plopped out my boobs and started doing it in front of them. That night, my husband, baby, and I were all so overstimulated, it was probably a good thing that we were still in the hospital.
After that, we made the decision to put out a request for no visitors this past weekend when we got home. I simply put something on Facebook that said we had been happy to see so many loved ones, but that we needed the weekend to get on a routine and settle in after four very hard days. Everyone was very respectful. I promised to not go completely off-the-grid, and would post an occasional picture for everyone. It seemed to tide them over.

leap_frog

Ok. So I called my husband, mom and mil today and let all 3 know that I do not want any kids at the hospital and I want home visitors only after a week or two.
They are all on board and I'm actually kinda shocked at how easy that was.
Now if only could just go into labor.......

katiefinn03

I went to a class at my hospital and the nurse teaching told a story about how one mom set up a code with the nurses that if she was getting overwhelmed with family being there she'd call the nurses and ask for grape soda. They'd know that meant all the visitors were getting too much and they would come up some procedure that had to be done and that everyone had to leave while they do it. I'm sure if you talk to your nurses before they will gladly clear the room for you!

I'm a little scared that when we get home we'll have a lot of visitors too. I'm hoping that winter weather will keep visitors away till we can get into our groove as a family!

kmo8986

The only part of the visitors that was overwhelming at the hospital this time was that there were so many people there when my son came to meet his sister. I felt bad telling any of the 5 grandparents they couldn't be there, especially since they were caring for him in our absence and then my sister and her husband were there too. We had about 5 hours of time to ourselves before anyone came and that was really nice. Other than that I agree that I like the visitors at the hospital over at home. We will be semi- no visitor at home for the next couple of days but my friends set us up for meal train so those will start next week, so we will have a visitor every evening for a while but they come with dinner so that is fine by me!

SummerOH

I just tell people no. They've started to bring up visiting now that I'm 39 weeks, and I just smile and thank them for the thought, but say we like to spend the first month or two settling in. I tell them that the first couple of months are rough when nursing and trying to rest, but that they are welcome to drop by in a month or two. Family and close friends that are like family are exempted from this. Basically, if I'm not close enough to someone to not mind them being over when the house is a wreck and I look like a homeless person, then they aren't coming over!

kmo8986

Also I will add that I am very not shy about breast feeding, especially in the very beginning. I take my boob out and nurse, if that makes you uncomfortable, find somewhere else to be.

BAUMGC39

With my first, I told people before hand I didn't want a bunch of people at the hospital - they thought I was crazy- but I'm so glad I did! When we sent out a mass text announcing the baby, I wrote 'mama needs rest, we are limiting visitors at this time' Best thing I ever did as a new mom!