So I went to a bar last night

blondie080300

Last night was my first time out at a bar/brewery since learning I am pregnant. DH and I haven't told anyone yet so we knew we were going to have to be sneaky (especially since I enjoy my wine, beer and spirits and everyone knows this ). It was more stressful than I anticipated since it was a private party and all of our friends were hanging at the actual bar. This made it difficult to order drinks for me that look like cocktails but weren't. When DH did bring me what was supposed to look like a vodka and water (which I never drank before lol) it was still in a different glass than others who had vodka and waters. No one said anything but I had such anxiety waiting for someone to ask. I finally had him get me an ice water in a tall normal plastic cup to put next to my water so it looked less obvious that my drink wasn't alcohol. At one point I ended up sneaking downstairs to the main bar to order myself a "rum and coke" but it was still in a slightly different glass than everyone else who had cocktails. The glasses were still small light meant for a cocktail but it couldn't help but wonder if the bartenders give those out for drinks that don't have alcohol in it. DH and I both asked for garnishes and to have the drinks in the same glasses as the other cocktails but that is what we got.

Anyways, I don't think anyone suspected anything but it was more stress than I anticipated! I was fine handling questions about why I wasn't enjoying the craft beer (as that is my go-to) but I wasn't prepared for the difficulty in ordering our drinks in private and the slightly different glasses. Hopefully my company holiday party goes better in 2 weeks! Has anyone else dealt with this yet?

mom2adoodle

That sounds stressful! I would just tell everyone I'm sick and let them get over it lol.

RedMar

Last pregnancy, we didn't tell anyone until 12w because we were so tainted from our previous loss. If we were at a social gathering I would tell people that I was getting over a sinus infection (something that's recurring for me) and I was on antibiotics so therefore didn't want to drink. This time around I've had a lot of back problems, so if people ask us to go out, I usually blame it on that why we can't. Also the fact that we can't get a babysitter (which we could if we wanted). It gets tricky lying, that's for sure!

PSUBecky23

Been there. Last weekend we had dinner at a brewery with friends. Luckily, we got there before everyone else. Told the waitress that I would be ordered vodka club with cranberry but that it should only be club with cranberry and should be in a bar glass. The waitress was great and no one suspected.

tigerfish227

Most bartenders are really great about it if you tell them you are ku and your friends don't know yet instead of just ordering mocktails. If you have to do it again and still want to keep it under wraps just clue the bartender in and they usually will be really good about helping you hide it without it being super obvious.

RedMar

I came across a problem with mocktails as one of my friends wanted to try my drink. She said "wow it doesn't even taste like there's alcohol in here" and then proceeded to order one for herself

sarahmcdonagh

My DH thinks I'm over thinking it, coming up with a game plan to hide my non drinking at social outings. Last weekend we went to a friend's house party and when we walked in the host asked what we wanted to drink. I said I was ok for now and she immediately said "why? Are you pregnant?" At least my husband now understands my need to have a plan/excuse prepared.

jhems776

Not yet but I might on Monday. We do trivia at a bar. I kept meaning to not drink here and there while trying but whoops only did that once. I rarely drink liquor but I like the mock tail idea. I like everyone's creative suggestions.

Kimmy717

I bet it was hard to keep everything under wraps! A helpful bartender is always nice.
I went to a Madonna concert last night w my mom, close cousin, and SO. They all know about the pregnancy but it was a little overwhelming being at a bar before the show w my mom n cuz sayin "oh too bad youre knocked up blabla" only 7 weeks in and im tired of hearing that, i even cried at one point because i felt like i was being treated differently. Gotta love hormones. Its new for my mom and me since this is her first grandbaby and my first pregnancy. Live and learn i suppose lol.

blondie080300

@RedMar I was worried if I made it look yummy then people would want to try my drink so that is why I am sticking to "vodka and water", "screwdrivers", "bloody mary's" or "rum and cokes" since most everyone knows what those taste like and are less likely to want to sample. I giggled out loud that your friend tried yours and then ordered one.

@sarahmcdonagh  I know I was overthinking everything but I am a social drinker and I just knew I would stick out if I weren't drinking. I still had 1 person ask me why I wasn't drinking beer like normal. I said I wanted to start with a stiff drink before switching to beer lol (and then I just never switched). I also had 1 person ask me if we were planning on having kids soon (which is typical). I hate lying so I just made a joke and said "why are you trying to ruin my good time tonight?! Everyone always sees us having fun and instantly thinks we need to have children!". LOL. Sigh. I'd rather be over prepared for these convos then caught off guard! And yes, DH and I were trying for this baby so my jokes are truly just jokes.

On another note, I did tell my DH that I never wanted to feel lame and not go out during the pregnancy but honestly, I was pretty bored and all I wanted was to go home and get in my pj's. Being social is definitely going to take more effort than I anticipated.

MNturnsVA

We got our BFP on NYE and had plans with another couple to do dinner and a movie.  Which wouldn't have been a huge deal but then we had also said they could come back to our house to watch the ball drop and I knew that more drinking would be done.  I didn't want to be around it, so we cancelled on them.

I hate to say that having drinks also means more fun for certain things, but it does.  One of my besties has always been my drinking friend and they don't know we are pregnant yet.  They know we have been trying.  If they ask to go out i'm sure we'll say yes but I would probably just tell them at that point vs not saying anything, especially as i'll probably be further along by the time we see them with our busy lives its hard to catch up.

I would say depending on what the situation is, instead of doing a mocktail, i'd claim illness or injury and taking lots of ibuprofen/other meds where its not safe to drink.  I know with things like UTI's they don't want you to drink because of the meds.  Not that you want to get that personal with some of these people, but.....

Tennis11785

Last night I went to my first big party/get together since finding out.  It wasn't as bad as I expected.  I used the designated driver excuse and no one seemed to question it.  Although I know I have a few events coming up that will def spark questions.  Need to get my list of excuses together.  

jln224

I feel your pain!! We have season tickets to the Patriots and I survived tailgating yesterday!! Even though the guys all drink beer there, I typically bring my usual... raspberry vodka & 7up. DH was so cute helping me plan out what to do. We still brought the vodka but it just sat on the table the whole time. I also used my usual cup, which is clear, but since my drink would normally be clear anyways it wasn't an issue.

I'm much more nervous for when one of my close friends invites me out. She is single and when we go out it usually ends in a drunken mess, so I def won't be able to fool her. So far the only person DH & I have told is my BFF who is also pregnant. We don' really want to tell tons of people until I'm a little farther along, but might have to if I run out of excuses!!

FireInWonderland

Since DH and I are both pretty heavy drinkers (when I'm not pregnant, obviously) if we go out somewhere I always tell our friends that it's DH's turn to drink and my turn to be the DD. If we go out with them a couple times in a row, I just tell them we saw other friends of mine from school in between and they don't even question it. We won't really see anyone that would notice I wasn't drinking, though, until after we start to announce the pregnancy. I'm going away in February for a conference and I am holed up studying really hard for nursing school this month. DH goes away for a month in March, which will be after the end of the first tri for us, and we will start announcing at about 4 months in April. In the meantime, we both have huge tests on the 30th to study for and it makes it easy for us to avoid drinking and our friends. Lol. 

KarenBeth714

Oh man!! Finding out around the time of the holidays was a rough one. I went to a concert on new years eve and met up with friends at a bar before... they figured me out real quick.   There was like no way to get around it...

blondie080300

@jln224 are you into fitness or anything? I only ask because I was training to run a half marathon before I found out I was pregnant. So I just told my closest girlfriends that I quit drinking until after the half (which is in April) so I could focus on my training. I stated this in a text since we are planning our next get together in February and I wanted to plant the seed that I won't be drinking. Now I have no idea about even doing a half marathon in April but that isn't the point...it gave me a very convenient excuse to tell the girls I am focusing on my training. I don't think the group I went out with on Saturday would have let that fly as a reason not to partake in drinking (this early) so it was easier to try and blend in. Good luck!!

js4372

We found out about a week ago but I wasn't drinking through TWW which happened to be through NYE. I called the bar we were going to and had told them exactly what I was wearing and that I couldn't drink so to make mocktails for me. It was no problem at all. After the new year- I have just told friends and family that I made a New Years resolution to be more healthy as most know we are TCC and gave up alcohol, took up yoga and taking more vitamins. I was kind of shocked I didn't get more questions since I loved my martinis but no one asked and have been very supportive.

blondie080300

That's awesome that they accommodated your phone call @js4372!

frogdog06

Work hard, party hard is a mantra of working professionals in the bay area. We had 14 people going to Tahoe to rent a house to celebrate NYE. This included a Costco trip for alcohol and two shopping carts full of food at Safeway. I had just found out we were expecting on Christmas day so was dreading this trip. I had to accept drinks, feign drinking (while DH finished them), and pretend to take shots. Thankfully everyone else was so liquored up, I don't think it was noticed. Since then, we've postponed some outings to avoid the drinking thing or have had to just let DH finish my beverages. 
Trying to keep little peanut under wraps is quite a bit of work!

ducks6

We haven't told anyone except my mom, sister and best friend. I went to my mom's for dinner on Sunday night. I said I would forgo the wine because I gave it up as a New Year's resolution. My aunt immediately asked if I was pregnant. I felt bad lying to her face but we're waiting to tell people until we know this one is healthy or I can't hide a bump anymore. 

AnnaS930

Apparently I'm in this BMB with a buncha drunks!

bahaha, only kidding!  Luckily for me I turn down alcohol pretty regularly.. never drink wine (makes me red and hot), so it's not a big thing for me to not drink.  I was a wild drinker in college and just haven't done much of it in the past few years.  Although I have a homebrew of a coworker at home and he keeps pestering me about trying it... My husband is probably drinking it tonight, and I will probably just give it a good smell and pretend I drank some. Oh well!

JasonKristen

My DH and I gave up drinking after Christmas, but didn't really tell anyone except close family and friends.  So fast forward to this weekend we had my work party and a wedding.  No one noticed at the work party luckily as we mingled with many people and not long enough for anyone to notice neither of us had a drink.  At the wedding I wasn't planning on getting mocktails or anything, but my mom and sister who were also there handed me a glass of wine and winked at me. You know, not obvious at all! lol I had told them before the wedding that we were expecting and my sister thought it would be a good idea for me to carry around a glass of wine and she would switch when hers was low or empty. It was fine, but she was probably giving it away with her obvious winking and glass switching. I just have to laugh since no one probably would have suspected anyways.  I still got my groove on the dance floor and stayed until the end.

blondie080300

@frogdog06 I am so impressed you still went on the trip and managed to pull it off! I was getting stressed for you as I read how much you had to fake. LOL. But mostly just super impressed. I was invited to a long weekend away in a mansion that a bunch of friends were renting and I am so grateful that I declined the invite before learning I was pregnant. It is next weekend and the cost included unlimited booze and food (partying like your group was). They like to hot tub and everything so I would have my work cut out for me trying to conceal a pregnancy.

frogdog06

@blondie080300 Oh my gosh, similar situation!! Good thing you passed on the trip! I had to "forget" my swimsuit for the hot tub. I coordinated the trip and we prepaid for the house, so I didn't want to waste the money. At an early point during the trip, my husband whispered hey, maybe you should cut back. And I said, really hun, you actually think I'm drinking?? 
For my birthday dinner, I posted pics of DH's sashimi and DH's medium rare steak. We had a tasting menu at a restaurant and they were amazing and accommodated me and peanut. I miss a good cocktail with dinner (when we go out).

blondie080300

@frogdog06 Nice work!!

So there was a big announcement at my work today and the CEO bought wine for everyone to enjoy in the office. Luckily I had my wax appointment after work so I had an excuse to not drink since I was going to be driving soon (I work an earlier shift and leave an hour earlier than most in my office). Waiting until the 2nd trimester to tell everyone is going to be interesting! LOL

kmullins26

I told everyone that I felt like I was getting out of control and just wanted to take a break from alcohol and focus on my life. No one questioned me at all. I'm not even a huge drinker so I thought for sure they would have.

Spindlek

I went to a cocktail party and one of the girls who was going to be in attendance had told other friends I must be pregnant years ago when I declined alcohol during a daytime wedding event in the summertime (it was just too hot to drink!) so I knew I'd have to fake it for this event. I just got the same drink as my husband and would put it up to my lips without drinking, and every now and then my husband would take a swig of mine. Later I just asked the bartender for gingerale and then ordered another drink for my husband later so by then it seemed like I had had plenty to drink! No one asked what I was drinking and I think I pulled it off! If there had been champagne at the wedding and I had rejected it that would've been a dead giveaway!

With my MIL I just decided to tell her the doctor recommended to go ahead and be on a pregnancy diet for fertility because I'd already declined alcohol (and red meat) on multiple occasions and I thought it would be suspicious to continue. I had a miscarriage last year which she knows about and I know she expects us to be trying again but we don't want to tell parents until at least 12 weeks when we can be more sure it's going to stay happy news.

myducklings

That was me during my last pregnancy. I ordered a cranberry juice with sprite or something and the stupid bartender shouted, "no vodka?!" Luckily the next bartender just poured the drink without asking questions. A friend's girlfriend was the bartender at one bar we went to. I'm pretty sure she caught on right away. 

SarahDarah333

I usually try to catch one of the bartenders on the sly and ask them if they can make me something yummy with no alcohol, and keep it on the DL (if possible). I had to go on a trip to Nashville with my dad days after I found out I was prego, and he knows I L-O-V-E LOVE to drink. It was so damned hard! I told him I couldn't drink because I was on antibiotics because of lady problems - that always keeps a man from asking. But being around all those drunk people was so hard!!! I kept ordering things that looked alcoholic but weren't to try out things before coming home. Another good idea- check out any places cocktail menu. Sometimes they have things on there that would be good sans booze, and it's fun to get something other than water. My go-to is seltzer with lime and a splash of cranberry. I have to order it that way, otherwise they go overkill on the cranberry, and you can only drink so many of them. OR, here's a good excuse for all the mamas-to-be out there- Lent starts this Wednesday, just tell people you gave up alcohol  

danielle1290

Luckily with this pregnancy we don't have many big events where I will have to hide not drinking. I did get a little nervous at the Super Bowl party we went to, my aunt was making pineapple upside down cake mixed drinks and I was offered one, luckily I can't stand pineapple so I  had that excuse to not take one. During my last pregnancy though it was summer time so we were always hanging out and drinking with friends, I would put red Koolaid in a wine bottle and pretend I was drinking wine. Nobody questioned me. At the bar I would either hold my husband's empty beer can or order a Shirley Temple (which I found out are delicious btw lol). Nobody ever guessed!

blondie080300

@SarahMConnors The Lent excuse is genius!! Although I am not so sure my friends would believe me...lol. Worth a shot for at work events and stuff though! Thanks!

@danielle1290 My mouth literally watered at the thought of pineapple upside down cake shots. LOL. Man...

SarahDarah333

@blondie080300 I totally got the idea from my mom- she decided to give up booze for lent, and in my head I was thinking YAS now I don't have to avoid her (we are total wine-Os together), AND what a great excuse while prego! Although like you my friends and some of my family would never believe me lol!

blondie080300

@SarahMConnors My mom and I are the EXACT same. We went to a wine tasting event with my sister and between the 3 of us, we somehow purchased THIRTY bottles of wine! I had bought 6 of them but only got through 1 bottle before getting my BFP. So the other 5 will just have to wait for a much needed glass after our sweet pea arrives (and I can pump and dump, etc). I am actually telling my mom that I am pregnant on Saturday but will totally use the Lent excuse with friends and such until we are ready to announce it to everyone.

SarahDarah333

@blondie080300 girl after my own heart! I gave all my open bottles of wine from the holidays to my sister, and I have one unopened bottle left from a winery tour my mom and I did last year that I've been saving because it's a "rare find"- apparently the grape only grows in two places in the U.S. All I know is it was delicious! Good luck telling your mom! I'm sure she will be thrilled! Are you doing it in any special way? Let us know how it goes I told mine right after the ultrasound and she went absolutely bananas, it was great. I got the whole thing recorded too- my sister and I came up with a hilarious idea that totally worked. I may use that video to announce to the world when I'm ready, it was just that good!

blondie080300

@SarahMConnors I love secret videos taken during announcements! I secretly filmed my reveal to DH and love to have that moment captured to eventually show our family/friends. As for the reveal to my mom, I bought these on Etsy and we are actually giving them to both sets of parents today. My parents are divorced so I am starting by taking my mom to lunch today and then giving her a "little" Valentine's Day gift- which is this. But then we are just going to call my dad to see if he is home to pop in with a gift and then same for his parents. I am also calling my siblings this weekend to tell them but haven't thought of a funny way to do it since they both live out of state. So I was just going to congratulate them on becoming aunts/uncles this year.


Also, that wine sounds fabulous! I am sure you will savor every sip once you are able to enjoy it again! It is kind of funny as I don't really miss drinking at all but I did have quite a few dreams about drinking wine and had days where I swear I could smell and taste it (around weeks 5 & 6).

SarahDarah333

@blondie080300 Oh my gosh those are so cute!!! I love them! The little saying inside is too sweet! I bet your family is going to absolutely love them I haven't figured out how to tell my other siblings yet either. They're all younger, and so far only one of them knows (the one I'm closest with- we tell each other everything). We all do a "Shamrock Run" every year upstate (a 5k that ends near the river with beer and a parade)- clearly I'll be skipping the beer, but I thought of wearing a cute shirt that announces it relating to St Patty's Day- sort of appropriate since DH and I met on St Patty's Day
That was so smart to film when you told DH! I wish I had paused to think of a fun way to tell him. Instead I came out of the bathroom freaking out with the BFP (times 3) lol! I'm glad I filmed my mom though- I keep watching it over and over. Next U/S I think I may record some video on my phone so I can watch the little nugget wiggle at home. Such an incredible feeling!
Oddly enough, I don't miss drinking so much either. At least not as much as I thought. Granted, my sister's red wine smelled amazing last night, but other than that I haven't really wanted anything. The first 5 to 6 weeks even the smell of it turned me off.