I've made it no secret that DH and I aren't getting along. My parenting style it more attachment style and his is more.... lazy and selfish? Idk. It's really starting to take it's toll on our relationship and I'm finding myself not even wanting to look at him, tbh. However, I'm also aware that being a good mother means being a good spouse so I'm trying to like him again. He wants to go on a date and leave baby with his mom. I initially agreed, but I'm having second thoughts. No one takes care of her the way I do and I just feel like going to dinner or whatever isn't that important and may just lead to more arguing anyway. LO is 11 weeks. Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so I am going to play a bit of devils advocate here. First, you mentioned your difference in parenting styles, yours being attachment parenting. My first question would be is his parenting style really so much "lazy and selfish" as it is more laid back and you're not seeing it as up to par. I'm not an attachment parent myself but from everything I've read it's pretty involved, I could understand why he doesn't want to parent like that. My husband used to do the same thing I.e sitting on the couch while LO's would fuss. We have 3 now and it's been the same way each time. Once he realized I wasn't going to swoop in and take the baby he quickly realized that he needed to comfort/feed/change them. Also since he wouldn't have been around sometimes because of work I would have to remind him that there was bum change due up or LO was probably tired since they hadn't napped for a bit.
Also, you're right, no one can probably take care of LO like you can, but if you're unwilling to try you are going to burn out. When I became a mother, even for the first time I fought tooth and nail not to lose my identity. I was a person with ambitions, and desires, and hobbies before I had my children and while I might have less time to do them now I have not thrown them out completely. There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy. You chose your husband. He is the father of the child you created together and unless there are other issues not mentioned (cheating, abuse, other emotional issues) then you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your LO to give it a shot. It would seem to me that by asking for a date your DH is trying to reconnect with the woman he loves. Pulling away fr it is only going to drive a wedge further between you. You are more than your baby and I bet he's trying to find that woman again.
Let me say I am not religious in any way, but I do feel that your husband should be in your top priorities, just like your children. Do not ignore that relationship for this new one. For me when I look at it, the only reason my kids are here is because of how much their father and I love each other so for me to ignore that would be like ignoring a part of them too. My oldest is 7 and even though he thinks kissing is gross I will still be affectionate in front of them. I want them to see us as a strong family unit. Alright I've probably written a novel and I probably could go on but ultimately the decision is yours, and not just whether or not you go on a date, but whether or not you decide to work on your relationship.
I don't want to start a war but this comment actually pisses me off
" There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy."
Who are you to say that it's not healthy? I am loving being a mother and plan to continue to be headlong and ignore things that aren't important.
I know your message wasn't meant for me but I just think for you to state what is or isn't healthy behavior isnt right and I couldn't just pass it by.
Actually my message is meant for everyone. If you completely ignore who you are as a person it can be unhealthy I should know I did it and know plenty of others who did it too. You child is your life but they shouldn't be the only reason for living. I want to live a life outside my family too, and if you don't that's fine but I personally would prefer to be me and not just such and suchs mom.
Im not arguing that you should be your own person, I'm just saying you can't tell someone what is or isn't healthy behavior. If someone wants to consume themself with their child then that is their business. Your an Internet stranger who shouldn't tell people what's unhealthy unless your a professional.
IMO it is unhealthy to smoke crack, and have a diet made up exclusively of McDonald's cheeseburgers. Am I also not allowed to tell someone these are unhealthy since I am not a "professional" even though it is common sense just like @flas's comment?
I've made it no secret that DH and I aren't getting along. My parenting style it more attachment style and his is more.... lazy and selfish? Idk. It's really starting to take it's toll on our relationship and I'm finding myself not even wanting to look at him, tbh. However, I'm also aware that being a good mother means being a good spouse so I'm trying to like him again. He wants to go on a date and leave baby with his mom. I initially agreed, but I'm having second thoughts. No one takes care of her the way I do and I just feel like going to dinner or whatever isn't that important and may just lead to more arguing anyway. LO is 11 weeks. Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so I am going to play a bit of devils advocate here. First, you mentioned your difference in parenting styles, yours being attachment parenting. My first question would be is his parenting style really so much "lazy and selfish" as it is more laid back and you're not seeing it as up to par. I'm not an attachment parent myself but from everything I've read it's pretty involved, I could understand why he doesn't want to parent like that. My husband used to do the same thing I.e sitting on the couch while LO's would fuss. We have 3 now and it's been the same way each time. Once he realized I wasn't going to swoop in and take the baby he quickly realized that he needed to comfort/feed/change them. Also since he wouldn't have been around sometimes because of work I would have to remind him that there was bum change due up or LO was probably tired since they hadn't napped for a bit.
Also, you're right, no one can probably take care of LO like you can, but if you're unwilling to try you are going to burn out. When I became a mother, even for the first time I fought tooth and nail not to lose my identity. I was a person with ambitions, and desires, and hobbies before I had my children and while I might have less time to do them now I have not thrown them out completely. There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy. You chose your husband. He is the father of the child you created together and unless there are other issues not mentioned (cheating, abuse, other emotional issues) then you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your LO to give it a shot. It would seem to me that by asking for a date your DH is trying to reconnect with the woman he loves. Pulling away fr it is only going to drive a wedge further between you. You are more than your baby and I bet he's trying to find that woman again.
Let me say I am not religious in any way, but I do feel that your husband should be in your top priorities, just like your children. Do not ignore that relationship for this new one. For me when I look at it, the only reason my kids are here is because of how much their father and I love each other so for me to ignore that would be like ignoring a part of them too. My oldest is 7 and even though he thinks kissing is gross I will still be affectionate in front of them. I want them to see us as a strong family unit. Alright I've probably written a novel and I probably could go on but ultimately the decision is yours, and not just whether or not you go on a date, but whether or not you decide to work on your relationship.
I don't want to start a war but this comment actually pisses me off
" There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy."
Who are you to say that it's not healthy? I am loving being a mother and plan to continue to be headlong and ignore things that aren't important.
I know your message wasn't meant for me but I just think for you to state what is or isn't healthy behavior isnt right and I couldn't just pass it by.
Actually my message is meant for everyone. If you completely ignore who you are as a person it can be unhealthy I should know I did it and know plenty of others who did it too. You child is your life but they shouldn't be the only reason for living. I want to live a life outside my family too, and if you don't that's fine but I personally would prefer to be me and not just such and suchs mom.
Im not arguing that you should be your own person, I'm just saying you can't tell someone what is or isn't healthy behavior. If someone wants to consume themself with their child then that is their business. Your an Internet stranger who shouldn't tell people what's unhealthy unless your a professional.
IMO it is unhealthy to smoke crack, and have a diet made up exclusively of McDonald's cheeseburgers. Am I also not allowed to tell someone these are unhealthy since I am not a "professional" even though it is common sense just like @flas's comment?
Valid point but no you shouldn't because it's not really your business if someone smokes crack or eats as many cheeseburgers as they want. It is their life!
I've made it no secret that DH and I aren't getting along. My parenting style it more attachment style and his is more.... lazy and selfish? Idk. It's really starting to take it's toll on our relationship and I'm finding myself not even wanting to look at him, tbh. However, I'm also aware that being a good mother means being a good spouse so I'm trying to like him again. He wants to go on a date and leave baby with his mom. I initially agreed, but I'm having second thoughts. No one takes care of her the way I do and I just feel like going to dinner or whatever isn't that important and may just lead to more arguing anyway. LO is 11 weeks. Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so I am going to play a bit of devils advocate here. First, you mentioned your difference in parenting styles, yours being attachment parenting. My first question would be is his parenting style really so much "lazy and selfish" as it is more laid back and you're not seeing it as up to par. I'm not an attachment parent myself but from everything I've read it's pretty involved, I could understand why he doesn't want to parent like that. My husband used to do the same thing I.e sitting on the couch while LO's would fuss. We have 3 now and it's been the same way each time. Once he realized I wasn't going to swoop in and take the baby he quickly realized that he needed to comfort/feed/change them. Also since he wouldn't have been around sometimes because of work I would have to remind him that there was bum change due up or LO was probably tired since they hadn't napped for a bit.
Also, you're right, no one can probably take care of LO like you can, but if you're unwilling to try you are going to burn out. When I became a mother, even for the first time I fought tooth and nail not to lose my identity. I was a person with ambitions, and desires, and hobbies before I had my children and while I might have less time to do them now I have not thrown them out completely. There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy. You chose your husband. He is the father of the child you created together and unless there are other issues not mentioned (cheating, abuse, other emotional issues) then you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your LO to give it a shot. It would seem to me that by asking for a date your DH is trying to reconnect with the woman he loves. Pulling away fr it is only going to drive a wedge further between you. You are more than your baby and I bet he's trying to find that woman again.
Let me say I am not religious in any way, but I do feel that your husband should be in your top priorities, just like your children. Do not ignore that relationship for this new one. For me when I look at it, the only reason my kids are here is because of how much their father and I love each other so for me to ignore that would be like ignoring a part of them too. My oldest is 7 and even though he thinks kissing is gross I will still be affectionate in front of them. I want them to see us as a strong family unit. Alright I've probably written a novel and I probably could go on but ultimately the decision is yours, and not just whether or not you go on a date, but whether or not you decide to work on your relationship.
I don't want to start a war but this comment actually pisses me off
" There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy."
Who are you to say that it's not healthy? I am loving being a mother and plan to continue to be headlong and ignore things that aren't important.
I know your message wasn't meant for me but I just think for you to state what is or isn't healthy behavior isnt right and I couldn't just pass it by.
Actually my message is meant for everyone. If you completely ignore who you are as a person it can be unhealthy I should know I did it and know plenty of others who did it too. You child is your life but they shouldn't be the only reason for living. I want to live a life outside my family too, and if you don't that's fine but I personally would prefer to be me and not just such and suchs mom.
Im not arguing that you should be your own person, I'm just saying you can't tell someone what is or isn't healthy behavior. If someone wants to consume themself with their child then that is their business. Your an Internet stranger who shouldn't tell people what's unhealthy unless your a professional.
IMO it is unhealthy to smoke crack, and have a diet made up exclusively of McDonald's cheeseburgers. Am I also not allowed to tell someone these are unhealthy since I am not a "professional" even though it is common sense just like @flas's comment?
Valid point but no you shouldn't because it's not really your business if someone smokes crack or eats as many cheeseburgers as they want. It is their life!
Ummm... The point in contention is the healthiness of certain actions/feelings and not whether someone should point out that it is in fact unhealthy (which to be clear the sentiments expressed are unhealthy as @flas and others have pointed out). The member sharing her story came to a public forum to discuss her issue with members and as such all are welcome and encouraged to chime in.
So I guess in this particular situation, the topic being discussed (enveloping oneself in LO to the point of losing a sense of self and/or hurting other relationships) does seem unhealthy and yes members should chime in to share said opinion.
I love being a mom to my amazing children, but that does not define me. I can't wait to go on a date with DH and leave the kiddos behind! I'm dying here as DD is refusing all bottles after momentary success the other week. I'm being held captive by a tiny dictator strapped to my boob!!!! With DS, he took to a bottle easily and we went out when he was around 1 month.
I've made it no secret that DH and I aren't getting along. My parenting style it more attachment style and his is more.... lazy and selfish? Idk. It's really starting to take it's toll on our relationship and I'm finding myself not even wanting to look at him, tbh. However, I'm also aware that being a good mother means being a good spouse so I'm trying to like him again. He wants to go on a date and leave baby with his mom. I initially agreed, but I'm having second thoughts. No one takes care of her the way I do and I just feel like going to dinner or whatever isn't that important and may just lead to more arguing anyway. LO is 11 weeks. Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so I am going to play a bit of devils advocate here. First, you mentioned your difference in parenting styles, yours being attachment parenting. My first question would be is his parenting style really so much "lazy and selfish" as it is more laid back and you're not seeing it as up to par. I'm not an attachment parent myself but from everything I've read it's pretty involved, I could understand why he doesn't want to parent like that. My husband used to do the same thing I.e sitting on the couch while LO's would fuss. We have 3 now and it's been the same way each time. Once he realized I wasn't going to swoop in and take the baby he quickly realized that he needed to comfort/feed/change them. Also since he wouldn't have been around sometimes because of work I would have to remind him that there was bum change due up or LO was probably tired since they hadn't napped for a bit.
Also, you're right, no one can probably take care of LO like you can, but if you're unwilling to try you are going to burn out. When I became a mother, even for the first time I fought tooth and nail not to lose my identity. I was a person with ambitions, and desires, and hobbies before I had my children and while I might have less time to do them now I have not thrown them out completely. There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy. You chose your husband. He is the father of the child you created together and unless there are other issues not mentioned (cheating, abuse, other emotional issues) then you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your LO to give it a shot. It would seem to me that by asking for a date your DH is trying to reconnect with the woman he loves. Pulling away fr it is only going to drive a wedge further between you. You are more than your baby and I bet he's trying to find that woman again.
Let me say I am not religious in any way, but I do feel that your husband should be in your top priorities, just like your children. Do not ignore that relationship for this new one. For me when I look at it, the only reason my kids are here is because of how much their father and I love each other so for me to ignore that would be like ignoring a part of them too. My oldest is 7 and even though he thinks kissing is gross I will still be affectionate in front of them. I want them to see us as a strong family unit. Alright I've probably written a novel and I probably could go on but ultimately the decision is yours, and not just whether or not you go on a date, but whether or not you decide to work on your relationship.
I don't want to start a war but this comment actually pisses me off
" There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy."
Who are you to say that it's not healthy? I am loving being a mother and plan to continue to be headlong and ignore things that aren't important.
I know your message wasn't meant for me but I just think for you to state what is or isn't healthy behavior isnt right and I couldn't just pass it by.
Actually my message is meant for everyone. If you completely ignore who you are as a person it can be unhealthy I should know I did it and know plenty of others who did it too. You child is your life but they shouldn't be the only reason for living. I want to live a life outside my family too, and if you don't that's fine but I personally would prefer to be me and not just such and suchs mom.
Im not arguing that you should be your own person, I'm just saying you can't tell someone what is or isn't healthy behavior. If someone wants to consume themself with their child then that is their business. Your an Internet stranger who shouldn't tell people what's unhealthy unless your a professional.
IMO it is unhealthy to smoke crack, and have a diet made up exclusively of McDonald's cheeseburgers. Am I also not allowed to tell someone these are unhealthy since I am not a "professional" even though it is common sense just like @flas's comment?
Valid point but no you shouldn't because it's not really your business if someone smokes crack or eats as many cheeseburgers as they want. It is their life!
Qbf
But when someone makes a thread about these issues then we certainly have a right to chime in with our opinions as we are contributing memebers of this public forum.
I've made it no secret that DH and I aren't getting along. My parenting style it more attachment style and his is more.... lazy and selfish? Idk. It's really starting to take it's toll on our relationship and I'm finding myself not even wanting to look at him, tbh. However, I'm also aware that being a good mother means being a good spouse so I'm trying to like him again. He wants to go on a date and leave baby with his mom. I initially agreed, but I'm having second thoughts. No one takes care of her the way I do and I just feel like going to dinner or whatever isn't that important and may just lead to more arguing anyway. LO is 11 weeks. Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so I am going to play a bit of devils advocate here. First, you mentioned your difference in parenting styles, yours being attachment parenting. My first question would be is his parenting style really so much "lazy and selfish" as it is more laid back and you're not seeing it as up to par. I'm not an attachment parent myself but from everything I've read it's pretty involved, I could understand why he doesn't want to parent like that. My husband used to do the same thing I.e sitting on the couch while LO's would fuss. We have 3 now and it's been the same way each time. Once he realized I wasn't going to swoop in and take the baby he quickly realized that he needed to comfort/feed/change them. Also since he wouldn't have been around sometimes because of work I would have to remind him that there was bum change due up or LO was probably tired since they hadn't napped for a bit.
Also, you're right, no one can probably take care of LO like you can, but if you're unwilling to try you are going to burn out. When I became a mother, even for the first time I fought tooth and nail not to lose my identity. I was a person with ambitions, and desires, and hobbies before I had my children and while I might have less time to do them now I have not thrown them out completely. There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy. You chose your husband. He is the father of the child you created together and unless there are other issues not mentioned (cheating, abuse, other emotional issues) then you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your LO to give it a shot. It would seem to me that by asking for a date your DH is trying to reconnect with the woman he loves. Pulling away fr it is only going to drive a wedge further between you. You are more than your baby and I bet he's trying to find that woman again.
Let me say I am not religious in any way, but I do feel that your husband should be in your top priorities, just like your children. Do not ignore that relationship for this new one. For me when I look at it, the only reason my kids are here is because of how much their father and I love each other so for me to ignore that would be like ignoring a part of them too. My oldest is 7 and even though he thinks kissing is gross I will still be affectionate in front of them. I want them to see us as a strong family unit. Alright I've probably written a novel and I probably could go on but ultimately the decision is yours, and not just whether or not you go on a date, but whether or not you decide to work on your relationship.
I don't want to start a war but this comment actually pisses me off
" There can be a desire to throw yourself headlong into being a mother and ignore everything else, but that's not healthy."
Who are you to say that it's not healthy? I am loving being a mother and plan to continue to be headlong and ignore things that aren't important.
I know your message wasn't meant for me but I just think for you to state what is or isn't healthy behavior isnt right and I couldn't just pass it by.
Actually my message is meant for everyone. If you completely ignore who you are as a person it can be unhealthy I should know I did it and know plenty of others who did it too. You child is your life but they shouldn't be the only reason for living. I want to live a life outside my family too, and if you don't that's fine but I personally would prefer to be me and not just such and suchs mom.
Im not arguing that you should be your own person, I'm just saying you can't tell someone what is or isn't healthy behavior. If someone wants to consume themself with their child then that is their business. Your an Internet stranger who shouldn't tell people what's unhealthy unless your a professional.
IMO it is unhealthy to smoke crack, and have a diet made up exclusively of McDonald's cheeseburgers. Am I also not allowed to tell someone these are unhealthy since I am not a "professional" even though it is common sense just like @flas's comment?
Valid point but no you shouldn't because it's not really your business if someone smokes crack or eats as many cheeseburgers as they want. It is their life!
Valid point but no you shouldn't because it's not really your business if someone smokes crack or eats as many cheeseburgers as they want. It is their life!
You can't eat meat? That is one of the most depressing things I have heard.
Also, that five guys picture might have made me break my diet, run out, and buy a cheeseburger. But the closest five guys to me is like an hour away. :-(
We have been going on a date every weekend since LO was three weeks old (he's now nine weeks). My mom and/or daddy come to watch LO while we go out. The longest we have been gone is prob four to five hours. We begin LO's bedtime routine at 8, so we're always home by then...nothing too wild! Like some PPs, I think it's best for us to nurture our relationship in order to provide the best life possible for LO. But I also believe it takes both parties; if one is not willing to do the work, then that's a problem.
Re: Has anyone gone on a date with DH yet?
Agree to disagree on the cheeseburgers.
Anyone up for a good old fashion food hijacking? I'd kill for cinnamon roll right now.
My sincerest condolences!
I'd kill for a juicy steak but I can't eat meat
No fair. We don't get milkshakes here.
But in other news, I really want Raising Cane's
Image wouldn't post
Also, that five guys picture might have made me break my diet, run out, and buy a cheeseburger. But the closest five guys to me is like an hour away. :-(