Daycare expectations

hacharles

My baby and I have survived the first week of daycare. Of course I generally don't like the fact that she's there and maybe I should just give it more time but I'm getting concerned about a few things and want to hear from you all if perhaps I am expecting too much.


My biggest concern is the amount of sleep my baby is getting. I realize one person can't rock 5 babies at one time but my LO Is only getting max 2.5 hours of sleep for a 9 hour day. I've asked them to encourage an extra nap in the afternoon especially but each time I've picked her up since, her note reads "tried nap, didn't work".

Am I being "that mom" by expecting them to get her to sleep more than 2.5 hours a day?

GoogleMD

I don't think you are expecting too much. I was having the samenissue, granted my mom and sister are watch LO so it is a little different. I wonder how hard they are really try to encourage a second nap.

helsbels222

How old is your LO?

hacharles

I'm wondering how long and what techniques they are using also. My fear is that the other babies (including the teachers 2 month old) are a little more fussy so they may get more attention.
Either way, I'm ending up with a monster in the evenings. But I'm not as upset with my inconvenience as I am with risks to her development. Babies need sleep!

flas

My LO only naps about that much in a 9 hours span, he is 11 weeks.

chein1

My mom watches LO and DD1. LO only catnaps throughout the day for her. It's a little different for me, but considering it's my mom, I know she's doing everything in her power to get LO to sleep. I think ultimately it's only been two weeks since I've been back at work and LO is still trying to get used to being with my mom all day.

dramaphile

It's only been a week, could be that LO is getting used to being around more action and so isn't napping as much. Home is probably much quieter than daycare. It can take time to get into a routine, I would give it a bit longer.

makeoutside7

My LO slept pretty well her first week of daycare. She has now been in daycare for 6 weeks now and has a much more set schedule. She naps once in the morning 1.5-3 hours and again in the afternoon 1.5 hours. Typically 3-4 hours in an 8 hour day. A 5 to 1 ratio is high for a infant room. It typically should only be 4. So glad my baby goes to an inhome daycare with where she is one of two infants and one toddler. I know she is getting plenty of one on one time with the low ratio. If you are already unhappy with your baby's care you might wanna check it other options. Good luck!

angelinthepit23

I'm with @dramaphile I know any change at my house messed with his sleep routine. So I would give it a little more time.

Elyse1384

Always raise concerns at daycare if you have them. I felt shy about asking at first with DS, but kept reminding myself 1) that I'm paying these people good money to ensure his well being and 2) he can't fight for himself so I need to.

That said... When DS started daycare I was beyond shocked by his lack of sleep! He slept all the time with me at home and I too felt they weren't trying hard enough like I did. I freaked out thinking he wasn't happy there or comforted enough, but after a few unannounced drop ins when I was able to work remote, I saw that he was well cared for when watching from the door. I guess he was just more engaged by all the activity and noise than the quiet home life. His nighttime sleep wasn't impacted at all so I started to worry less and he quickly settled into a steady nap routine not long after. You might notice the same. DS started to give us a 2hr morning nap and a 2 hr afternoon nap and solid sleep at night. I now expect the same will most likely happen with DD when she starts there. Again, if something feels off though speak up. You have every right to.

cdepperschmidt

I don't think that's enough nap time. If your baby is miserable at night then he/she is over tired. I would 100% push the issue.

rubirubi89

Just curious, what exactly do babies the age of ours do for 5-6 awake hours at daycare?

Elyse1384

rubirubi89 said:

Just curious, what exactly do babies the age of ours do for 5-6 awake hours at daycare?

Surprisingly plenty if the daycare is good. For infants our daycare does various activities to help develop motor skills and work on areas of concern for parents. For example they do tummy time, rotate "activity" stations and seats (eg different bouncy seats, play gyms, swings), plenty of 1:1 time/cuddles, etc. Also keep in mind that our infants take a while to eat compared to older babies. That counts in your calculated awake time.

DS also had terrible reflux like DD and HATED tummy time with us which was a concern, so they worked with him via alternate methods/positions to encourage those skills developed from tummy time. They made huge progress with him. A good daycare should give you a full report of all "activities" for the day and your child's progress.

VexedMommy

There is much more activity and interesting things to look at/listen to at daycare than at home.  It's a new environment and your LO is probably trying to stay up to experience as much of it as possible.  LO may also be cat napping throughout the day.  15 minutes here, 10 minutes there.  Not necessarily enough to write down as a nap, but some sleep.

hacharles

I appreciate all of the input and will give it more time to see how she adjusts. I will likely do some drop in visits to see how she's being cared for. My, possibly irrational, thought is that she isn't being interacted with unless she's crying because there are more fussy babies in the nursery, including the teacher's 2 month old son. And if she's not crying from being tired then why would they make an effort to get her to sleep. I definitely expected less sleep than what she gets at home but I assumed she'd get more than what she got last week.

Week number two has begun so I'll practice patience and hope for the best.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

@elyse1384 I get a report showing when she ate, napped, and her diaper changes. They will usually add something small like, "she had a great day!" but that's all I get. I don't expect an hour by hour log of her time but I am indeed interested in what she is doing in the afternoon span of no napping. Only one way to find out...go there and see but I am guilty of being shy and not wanting to hover.

JamieA322

You could ask if they have any lesson plans. My daycare posts a grid outlining the week. It's nice to see the activities she is doing.

Elyse1384

hacharles said:

I appreciate all of the input and will give it more time to see how she adjusts. I will likely do some drop in visits to see how she's being cared for. My, possibly irrational, thought is that she isn't being interacted with unless she's crying because there are more fussy babies in the nursery, including the teacher's 2 month old son. And if she's not crying from being tired then why would they make an effort to get her to sleep. I definitely expected less sleep than what she gets at home but I assumed she'd get more than what she got last week.

Week number two has begun so I'll practice patience and hope for the best.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

@elyse1384 I get a report showing when she ate, napped, and her diaper changes. They will usually add something small like, "she had a great day!" but that's all I get. I don't expect an hour by hour log of her time but I am indeed interested in what she is doing in the afternoon span of no napping. Only one way to find out...go there and see but I am guilty of being shy and not wanting to hover.

Odd that they let the teacher's kid in that room. Ours wouldn't even allow that within the same building (they have 2 on site). Definitely drop in if you can and watch the interactions. That really set my mind at ease. The back of my son's take home sheet (which also goes over diaper changes, feedings, nap times and daily notes) also shows a schedule on the back for what the specific room does with the kids. I was shocked they really keep to it as I walked in many times during those scheduled activities to do an early pick up. They even did "art" haha. Amazing how creative they can get with infant hand prints and foot prints.

Also take a few minutes to chit chat with the teachers if you can. We developed a friendship with DS's teachers and they actually started texting us pictures and videos of him throughout the day which was so sweet. When they heard we will be sending DD there, they fought to get her on their classroom which makes me feel so much better about that first day since I know them and know their style.

Jeenyus

Prior to having my daughter I ran an infant/toddler program, and I would have to agree with the above posters.

1. If you have any concerns, talk about them with your educators! Try not to be confrontational, but remember that you are a team in caring for a child and open communication is essential! As a parent you have every right to know what goes on during the day, to ask questions, and to raise concerns.

2. Daycare is a very busy place, with lots of stimulation. There are always things to look at and listen to, and often children will sleep less than at home.

3. The educators aren't mom and dad, and as much as they try the same techniques as you to get your little one to sleep, they often don't work the same. With time they will find what works to help your child fall asleep.

4. Time. As your child learns to trust the educators, and learns to predict what comes next based on the flow of the day, they may begin to nap more, and more consistently. Right now everything is so new, but after your child develops a sense of safety in the program things will fall into place.

After settling in, nearly all of the children in my program would fall asleep within minutes of settling in for nap, but it takes a bit to get there

hacharles

Jeenyus said:

Prior to having my daughter I ran an infant/toddler program, and I would have to agree with the above posters. 1. If you have any concerns, talk about them with your educators! Try not to be confrontational, but remember that you are a team in caring for a child and open communication is essential! As a parent you have every right to know what goes on during the day, to ask questions, and to raise concerns. 2. Daycare is a very busy place, with lots of stimulation. There are always things to look at and listen to, and often children will sleep less than at home. 3. The educators aren't mom and dad, and as much as they try the same techniques as you to get your little one to sleep, they often don't work the same. With time they will find what works to help your child fall asleep. 4. Time. As your child learns to trust the educators, and learns to predict what comes next based on the flow of the day, they may begin to nap more, and more consistently. Right now everything is so new, but after your child develops a sense of safety in the program things will fall into place. After settling in, nearly all of the children in my program would fall asleep within minutes of settling in for nap, but it takes a bit to get there

I appreciate the insight. Some days I feel like she is adjusting and other days it seems extremely sporadic. But I'm still being patient.

Do you think that the teacher having her 2 month old in the same class is a conflict of interest?

Jeenyus

Yes. I'm not even allowed to register my daughter at my workplace since it is open concept, even if I were to switch programs. A lot of other day cares in my city have policies that you can't have your own child in your program (some even don't allow relatives). Having your own child in the program would make it very difficult to be impartial, imo.

Ceridwen77

We went on another walk through of our daycare this week. In the infant room, I noticed several children sleeping in bouncers/swings. I was going to inquire but they proactively told me they needed a doctor's note in order to allow sleep anywhere but the crib (state regulation). Well funny enough I knew the mom of one baby that was sleeping in the bouncer. He was asleep when we got there and we visited the room at the beginning and end of our tour so he was in there for 45min that we saw. I asked the mom if they had a dr note and she said no, but they gave verbal approval to allow him to nap in there.

I had several questions after I left so I called and also asked them to clarify this policy, bc I don't want DD to sleep anywhere but the crib. The person I spoke with was adamant that they require a dr note but when I mentioned my friend (she was ok with me saying something ) she just repeated herself that they require a dr note but may let them fall asleep in the bouncer or swing before moving them. Like I mentioned this baby was in there at least 45min. I saw some other violations while I was there but this one was the most concerning to me. DH says every daycare will have issues with violations because my state is strict and he's not concerned. I am ok giving explicit instructions about no sleep except in the crib and then popping in at random times to check in her.

So I'm wondering if I'm overreacting or if this isn't a big deal? Would help to hear from those who have BTDT with daycare.

Squirtgun

hacharles said:

Jeenyus said:

Prior to having my daughter I ran an infant/toddler program, and I would have to agree with the above posters.

1. If you have any concerns, talk about them with your educators! Try not to be confrontational, but remember that you are a team in caring for a child and open communication is essential! As a parent you have every right to know what goes on during the day, to ask questions, and to raise concerns.

2. Daycare is a very busy place, with lots of stimulation. There are always things to look at and listen to, and often children will sleep less than at home.

3. The educators aren't mom and dad, and as much as they try the same techniques as you to get your little one to sleep, they often don't work the same. With time they will find what works to help your child fall asleep.

4. Time. As your child learns to trust the educators, and learns to predict what comes next based on the flow of the day, they may begin to nap more, and more consistently. Right now everything is so new, but after your child develops a sense of safety in the program things will fall into place.

After settling in, nearly all of the children in my program would fall asleep within minutes of settling in for nap, but it takes a bit to get there

I appreciate the insight. Some days I feel like she is adjusting and other days it seems extremely sporadic. But I'm still being patient.

Do you think that the teacher having her 2 month old in the same class is a conflict of interest?

------------qbf-----------


I used to be a teacher in an infant classroom, and I did have my daughter in the class from 3months until I decided to stay home with her at about 11 months.
Honestly, it was really hard for me because most people assumed that I would favor her when in fact the opposite was true. I was paying full price for her to be in the program, and yet I would put her needs behind every other baby's every time. I was just so nervous that people would think I was favoring her! (One of the many reasons I left.)
If the teacher is any good, they will not play favorites with their own kiddo.

I'd agree with others on the nap thing. The first couple of weeks are really adjustment weeks for the little ones. They are so much more stimulated with all the other babies around that it is harder to sleep. They are also getting used to their new caregivers and that is an adjustment as well. Normally by two or three weeks, they should settle into more of a nap time at school. I'd also agree with just dropping by unannounced just to see what is going on. It should make you more comfortable!

Squirtgun

Ceridwen77 said:

We went on another walk through of our daycare this week. In the infant room, I noticed several children sleeping in bouncers/swings. I was going to inquire but they proactively told me they needed a doctor's note in order to allow sleep anywhere but the crib (state regulation). Well funny enough I knew the mom of one baby that was sleeping in the bouncer. He was asleep when we got there and we visited the room at the beginning and end of our tour so he was in there for 45min that we saw. I asked the mom if they had a dr note and she said no, but they gave verbal approval to allow him to nap in there.

I had several questions after I left so I called and also asked them to clarify this policy, bc I don't want DD to sleep anywhere but the crib. The person I spoke with was adamant that they require a dr note but when I mentioned my friend (she was ok with me saying something ) she just repeated herself that they require a dr note but may let them fall asleep in the bouncer or swing before moving them. Like I mentioned this baby was in there at least 45min. I saw some other violations while I was there but this one was the most concerning to me. DH says every daycare will have issues with violations because my state is strict and he's not concerned. I am ok giving explicit instructions about no sleep except in the crib and then popping in at random times to check in her.

So I'm wondering if I'm overreacting or if this isn't a big deal? Would help to hear from those who have BTDT with daycare.

There are A LOT of regulations with daycare, but honestly in the infant classroom sleep regulations are one of the more important safety ones! (In my state you can get shut down for having kids sleeping not in their cribs when liscencing comes by for a surprise check. Dr. notes excepted, of course.) I'd definitely make it clear that you are only comfortable with your little one sleeping in a crib. If you are already friends with another mom, you could also ask them to tell you if they ever see your little one sleeping in a bouncer, etc. as well.

JamieA322

Maybe I am too laid back. I am just happy if Jordan naps. I leave her in her bouncer here, so I gave them permission to do the same.

hacharles

@squirtgun it's honestly hard for me to fault the lady for having her child in the same room because if I worked in a daycare I'd likely want my baby in there with me too. It does make me question things at times though.

As far as sleeping arrangements goes I'm also getting a little nervous about those with my daycare. The first day, they asked me if she slept well on a boppy. My response was, "I don't know because the boppy says it's not for sleep so naturally I've been nervous to recline her on the pillow to sleep".

They said, they wouldn't let anything happen and yes there is someone in the room at all times but things can get hectic.

A few days later they sent me this picture of my daughter in her daycare crib. WITH A BOPPY and loose blanket. That screams bad idea.

I promise I'm not that dense but I am wondering if I'm overreacting about this. They do this every day for several babies so they probably know more than I do but this goes against everything I've ever been told.

(the lighting makes my baby look ghostly)

MargaretC5

hacharles said:

@squirtgun it's honestly hard for me to fault the lady for having her child in the same room because if I worked in a daycare I'd likely want my baby in there with me too. It does make me question things at times though.

As far as sleeping arrangements goes I'm also getting a little nervous about those with my daycare. The first day, they asked me if she slept well on a boppy. My response was, "I don't know because the boppy says it's not for sleep so naturally I've been nervous to recline her on the pillow to sleep".

They said, they wouldn't let anything happen and yes there is someone in the room at all times but things can get hectic.

A few days later they sent me this picture of my daughter in her daycare crib. WITH A BOPPY and loose blanket. That screams bad idea.

I promise I'm not that dense but I am wondering if I'm overreacting about this. They do this every day for several babies so they probably know more than I do but this goes against everything I've ever been told.

(the lighting makes my baby look ghostly)

I don't think you are overreacting. I would be pissed if my day care sent me that picture. I would ask them not to let her sleep in the boppy. Even if they are in the room I would not be comfortable with that. I would me worried about the incline interfering with her breathing if it is not at the right angle or if she slides down.
Personally I am not as worried about the blanket if they are in the room (it is easy to see if a blanket is over her face from across the room), but if you are not comfortable with it I would ask them not to use one and maybe send a sleepsack to use instead.

natalknitter15

hacharles said:

A few days later they sent me this picture of my daughter in her daycare crib. WITH A BOPPY and loose blanket. That screams bad idea.

I promise I'm not that dense but I am wondering if I'm overreacting about this. They do this every day for several babies so they probably know more than I do but this goes against everything I've ever been told.

I would freak out if my provider sent me that picture. I don't think you're overreacting. It would really concern me that the educator seems to have no idea that that sleeping arrangement is unsafe.

Squirtgun

Yeah... No. That's not safe. I would not be ok with that!! The muslin blanket- I honestly let my LO sleep with one because it is breathable. But in a boppy, in a crib?!?! No way. They can slide down the boppy as they're sleeping, and get stuck underneath it! There are safe ways to have a baby sleep on an incline, and this isn't one of those ways.

(I mean, with your own kid in your own home and you're sitting right there is one thing. In a daycare setting with lots of other kids to keep an eye on? No. )

I'd reiterate that this is not ok with you, and if it continues anyway, definitely speak to the director of the center about your concerns. If you can find it online, look up the liscencing rules for your state. Then you can use what you have found when talking it over with the teacher.

GoogleMD

All of the daycare we looked at allowed only a sleep sack eith nothing else on the crib. I feel like she could slide down compromising her airway. They could have no idea until the tried to wake her

dramaphile

Boppy in a crib is a major no-no, no matter if someone is watching her or not. The daycare I worked at allowed nothing in cribs, including blankets, and did not allow babies to sleep in bouncers, swings, or car seats. The blanket doesn't worry me nearly as much as the boppy, which can cause issues with airway restriction if baby were to slide down.

I would talk to the director and let them know that you are concerned that the infant teachers are not following AAP safe sleep standards. It may be in your state's licensing code as well.

Ceridwen77

Wow I'd definitely freak if I got that picture from my day care. That just seems negligent.

For anyone with daycare experience - my LO gets crazy fussy when she's tired during the day. I'm worried they're not going to be able to soothe her. My DH says our DD is not the only baby with this issue so she'll be fine. I can't help but worry, and that they'll try to get her to sleep in a swing or other place vs the crib. Anyone have experience with how their daycare handled this?

Squirtgun

Ceridwen77 said:

Wow I'd definitely freak if I got that picture from my day care. That just seems negligent.

For anyone with daycare experience - my LO gets crazy fussy when she's tired during the day. I'm worried they're not going to be able to soothe her. My DH says our DD is not the only baby with this issue so she'll be fine. I can't help but worry, and that they'll try to get her to sleep in a swing or other place vs the crib. Anyone have experience with how their daycare handled this?

He's right; that is pretty common in babies. They should be able to handle it! Let them know what works well for you, and they should be able to try using the same techniques at daycare as well. At the same time, they may have tricks that have worked well for other babies in the past that they can share with you too!