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May 2016 Moms
kp90
member
How long? (Maternity leave & other)
kp90
member
Moms who have already been through the maternity leave process... how long did you take off to be with your LO and was it long enough?
My work allows up to 12 weeks and I will file for FMLA. I know some ladies only took 6 weeks and said it was definitely not long enough. So how long are all of you working mommas planning to take? Mine is unpaid but I can use all my acquired leave that's saved up. I really want to take at least 10 weeks. I know I'm going to HATE coming back and leaving my LO.
My next debate will be sitting down with SO and seeing if it makes sense for me to continue working after LO arrives depending on which daycare we choose and the cost vs. how much income we have. We have several large bills already and I wish I could find a way to get rid of some of those so maybe we'd have a fighting chance to keep an income plus afford day care.. but I'm not so sure. I'm an LPN and he is military. Obviously he makes more than me but even both our incomes I'm not so sure what this is going to look like with a baby. Any of you ladies have advice or stories on how you make it work and what works best for your family or what you plan on doing come May?
Re: How long? (Maternity leave & other)
That said, you need to make sure if you do decide not to go back to work that you won't be hit with an insurance bill or depending on how your job works, having to pay back money to your employer (my district prorates my pay on the condition that I will continue working, thus if I quit I would owe them lots o' money).
Finally if you believe your job to be worth keeping, even if daycare will take a hit out of your take home pay, it is valuable to keep your spot and position at your company. There are more than financial benefits that come from working (i.e. Socialization, self-worth, maintaining goals etc)
We decided that I would be staying home back when I got pregnant with my DD. Partly because, even though I had worked daycare for years, we wanted our daughter raised at home by me, not raised at a daycare. Not that we are anti-daycare, it was just important to us.
Financially, child care for an infant would have taken most of my paycheck. Another large chunk would have gone to gas, etc. By the time it would all be set and done, I would have been working for $50/week at the current cost of gas then.
We decided it wasn't worth it. I was able to "make" $50/week at home by making everything from scratch, limiting errands and such to 1-2 times a week, focusing on coupons and sales, a few things online like Swagbucks, etc. It made no financial sense for me to work. That's not to say money isn't tight but me working wouldn't really change that fact.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
DH will be the primary caretaker after I go back to work, and I will be working from home at least initially. So I'll still be there for feedings and backup.
However, at that point, I wonder whether I could apply for a more advanced position (which I am fully qualified for, just not my ideal opportunity) and increase my income by 15-20K annually, which would be enough to support my husband caring for our son. At that point, we could have our second child sooner to finish out our family - otherwise we'd have to wait until the first is out of daycare before having the second.
If my husband does find a good opportunity before then, our kid will definitely go to daycare- my company has great benefits and could never be a SAHM- too career oriented.
But I will be working. And I am so scared.
DH technically makes enough for the three of us, but I do want to earn some money towards the house etc.
My sis and I run our own thing and I can't really drop her for 4 months. We'll see how it goes - I'll probably be working less than my 8 hours a day though.
I had 18 weeks off with DS because I took FMLA and then didn't take a summer teaching position (another teacher here). Even with 18 weeks, I didn't feel like it was enough. That said, I'm in the camp of women who didn't expect to want to stay home or work from home, and realized a bit too late that it's what I'd rather do. Going back to work was very hard because of the emotional element, arranging a pumping schedule that would be respected, and my school is not particularly friendly to those returning from maternity leave (we're treated like 1st year teachers in terms of scheduling and evaluations even though I had tenure before having my first). This time, I'll have 15 weeks off unless we can figure out a way to cover insurance costs I'd accrue for me to take a 10 month unpaid leave after FMLA (which would end up giving me a year +15 weeks). FX we can make that work.
Ideally (and my boss is on board with it), I would like to start working from home shortly before my due date (especially if commuting becomes uncomfortable) and, after the birth, take 4 weeks of leave and then work from home from week 5 to 10'ish so I don't have to take any unpaid time (depending on my health, LO's health and sleeping habits, etc.). We have started a savings account, though, just in case I'm not able to return that soon. My company has a daycare at our office, and we have already gotten on the wait list for it. They don't accept infants younger than 6 weeks (which I think is standard), but we probably won't start daycare until at least 2 months. My MIL works in the school system and will have the entire summer off, and she is planning to fly in from out of state and stay at her condo across town for a month or two after the birth to help with LO.
I will definitely be returning to work after LO. From a financial standpoint, I make about 3 times as much as DH, so there is no way we could sustain our lifestyle without my income. I'm also not willing to put my career on hold, so I'll be going back as soon as possible. DH and I have discussed it, and if either of us were to decide to stay home with LO, it would make much more sense for him to.
Edited because I can't spell today!
I get 6 weeks paid at 60% with short term disability and then the rest will be out of pocket for me. We've been saving up money for the rest of that time. DH is going to take a week off in PTO then go back. He also has enough days saved up where he can actually sell some of his days (I think like 15 days worth) to get a little bit more money.
As far as I know I'll have to cover my insurance during my leave, but work does pay a good portion as it is so its not more than I can handle.
Also we're pretty excited bc we found a few daycares with availability in our price range. We haven't gone to see them just yet, but we're glad we have a few options.
I would love to be able to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately it would cost more out of pocket for me to be a stay at home mom than it would to pay 800 a month for daycare. If DH were to add me to his insurance and the baby to his insurance that would be more than a half a month's paycheck. (All thanks to the ACA or aka: Obamacare forcing us to have insurance or be fined......) At least with the daycare I'm paying for my own insurance and will probably pay for the baby's as well. Also with my paycheck will be paying for the daycare. It is still a huge hit financially.
I've never understood how it can be so easy for low income families to pop out kid after kid (they qualify for gov't assistance) and high income families can pop out kid after kid (they can afford it), but if you are barely out of the low income zone it gets rough. We are just a tiny bit past the allowed income amount to receive gov't assistance so we can't. It sucks. We were looking at seeing if we could get a few trusted friends and family to commit to one or two days each week to "babysit" or "nanny" and we would pay them. It would be cheaper than daycare, but two of the three people we were looking at all have health issues that prevent them from being able to commit.
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
I'm thankful I had PTO saved up, because I couldn't imagine going back at 8 weeks, let alone 6. This time my company has changed their policy to give 8 weeks 100% paid for c-section maternal leave, and 8 weeks 100% paid for bonding leave. So essentially, 16 weeks paid, taking me likely through the whole summer. I'm definitely so grateful for this!
With my son, I had to take STD for the month I was on bedrest before he was born and wasn't able to return to work due to complications. I ended up getting a job as a nanny for another little boy and it was the greatest job of all time. I got to be with my son, he got a play mate, and we were actually making more/saving more than we are now. Without having to pay for daycare (which is ridiculously expensive in my area) and being paid under the table, we were actually pretty well off. The family paid for any outings for both their son and mine so we got to go to museums and all sorts of fun activities we may not have been able to afford otherwise. They would also pay for groceries and I would make huge batches of baby food for both boys so we were saving there too. I was able to be with my little guy for the first year of his life. It was awesome. I honestly have no idea why I went back to being a school nurse full-time. I think I felt like I wasn't using my nursing degree/license and wanted the pride of going into work as a professional nurse. Ha! If I could go back, I would still be working for the family because being a nanny was the best job ever!
I'm a teacher, due about 3 weeks before the end of school. I have enough accrued sick days (and we have to use those first for maternity leave) that I'll be able to be paid through the end of the year, then have the summer off till we go back at the end of August. If baby arrives on time, that'll be about 14 weeks paid leave, so I'm feeling very fortunate!
Last time around I was working for a non-profit that had amazing benefits. I got 12 weeks, 8 of it at 100% pay and the last 4 weeks at 60% pay. That applied even though I hadn't even been there a whole year at that point; maternity benefits kicked in after 3 months of employment!
I definitely feel like more time is better, but with such crappy maternity leave policies in this country I understand why so many women have to go back to work after short leaves. If you can get away with it financially, I recommend taking as much time as you can get, even if it's unpaid. My SIL took a whole year after my niece was born (she also works in education, and got the 10 months unpaid that a PP mentioned above). Things were tight for them financially, but she loved being able to be home with my niece and nephew for so long.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!DS: Born 5-17-16
It comes off as judge-ey.
That is all.
DS: Born 5-17-16
AND cosign to what @vinerie said above. xoxo.
I have zero issues with daycare in general. I have zero issues with moms who choose to work, whether because they need to or just plain really enjoy it and want to. I specifically said it was important to me that I stay home with my child. I specifically said it was important to my husband. Just like it is important to some moms that they work or some moms really want their kid to have the experience of daycare, it was important to me to have the exact opposite experience.
I am not judging at all and am sorry that anyone thinks that about my post. The OP asked about maybe staying home so, in full disclosure to her, before I went into the financial aspects that made that decision easy for us, I explained that it was already something we had been leaning towards doing.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
ETA: The same is true in reverse. It is rude if someone who chooses to continue with their paid career goes into a SAHM thread talking about, say, how to cut costs to live on one salary and explains that she could not fathom giving up her career because that is important to her and her husband/partner.
DS: Born 5-17-16
Sorry if anyone saw one phrase that was used as background as "judge-y."
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
Thanks ladies for the input and advice. I started doing my budget and seems as though I will still have minimal income after bills plus daycare so I will probably be coming back to work after my maternity leave (for now anyways) but SO and I will still discuss soon and weigh our options. I plan on taking my full 12 weeks and spending as much time with LO as I can because I know I will never get that time back so it's very important to me. I would hope my work understands this!
Also - props to both types of moms regardless if you stay home or continue to work. I'm sure both have their pros and cons just like anything else. If I could do a happy medium between the two I feel that would be perfect for me and my family.. but life is not always the exact way we want it, when we want it. Regardless, being a mommy is hard work so kudos to all of us and the decisions we choose to make.
I mentioned to my boss I would like to take through Labor Day off (so another 3-4 weeks depending on when I go out) and she isnt having it. I might tack a week of PTO at the end to extend my time off to 13 weeks. I will play that by ear.
I will say that by the time I pay my portion of rent and daycare, I will be left with one paycheck. Depending on how money looks, we might reassess my time off (meaning after 6 months, decide if it makes sense to work or not). I think the best thing for me to do is to continue to work, since when baby #2 comes along, I probably will need to stay home for a year or so to cut back on daycare costs, but we will tackle that as the time comes. If I get a raise and bonus this year though, I will be making more than DH so loosing that salary will be rough.
I get 12 weeks paid time off through my job (4 weeks guaranteed to all employees + I can use up to 8 weeks of accrued paid sick leave). I will probably tack on two weeks of vacation because we're actually going on vacation at the end of that time. So that's 14 weeks of paid leave, more or less.
After that, health and circumstances allowing, I'm heading back to work. First and foremost, because I'd go crazy staying at home (I may even end up working irregular hours before my maternity leave is up, depending on how twitchy I get; one of my OB-GYNs told me that she actually started working again at four weeks, not because she had to for money, but because she had to for sanity, and I think I'm wired very similarly to that lady). Second because I'm the primary wage earner, so we really can't afford for me to stay home, and third because my office is very flexible on work hours and I have my own office so I can pump at work without problems (several of my coworkers have done that already and everyone is very respectful). So going back shouldn't be a major hardship in those respects.
My husband's going to do the stay-at-home dad gig.
DD: 05/14/16
My best friend is in Canada and she's a teacher, so she'll be getting the year off with all her benefits and most of her salary - why did I move again ???
I just got this particular job and only work three days a week but twelve hour shifts. So I don't qualify for any benefits at all. My mother can stay home with the baby during that time so daycare isn't and issue either with LO being so young.
Before anyone mentions that I'm nuts, or tries to debate why I shouldn't...I am going back so soon for a very specific reason: post partum depression. I had it with DD and it was severe. I resented everyone in my life and became suicidal with a month of having her. It was AWFUL. Getting out and being social/productive is the only thing that helped me through last time, so I know I'll need to do it again but much sooner (waited till six months last time). And my husband will still be overseas, so I know it's going to hit hard this time around again. I'm hoping this will help me.
Once LO is 6-7months, DH will be coming home and we'll be moving overseas. I'll be a SAHM at that point....and hopefully I will be out of the depression window and mentally in a good place for my kiddos.
Bottom line of my post: there are many reasons people return back to work. Sometimes a person's financials have nothing to do with it. Do what you need to do to BE HAPPY. So if you find out that eight weeks was plenty of time, and you NEED to go back sooner than you planned...go back and don't feel bad about it.
(This is all dependent on healing and if any complications arise medically of course
This time I'll be a SAHM full time (I think), but it took me almost 2 years mentally preparing for that decision. I hope I'm ready
Can I just say though, thank you so much for sharing your story as well! I feel like mental health isn't discussed enough as reasons TO work or shorten maternity leave.
I'm sure you'll do great! You know the signs to watch out for now. Maybe join a mom's group that can get you out of the house a little bit each week? Or set up weekly play dates with friends? Don't forget some ladies nights out!
I actually expected our parental leave package to better than it is, given that our other benefits are quite good. Having said that, I know they are better than many parents' and I'm grateful for that.
Depending on the type of birth, we get either 6 or 8 weeks at full pay, provided we have the sick time to cover this, which I do.
Then we are supposed to use our vacation time for the next 4-6 weeks, again at full pay. I probably won't have the vacation time to cover this so I'll have to take some unpaid leave and pay to cover my health insurance,
I get the sense I could take another month or so unpaid beyond the 12 weeks--- my supervisor's boss told me "take as much time as I need." My immediate supervisor took 4 months when she had her son last year.
My husband is the major earner in our family and he has to travel quite a bit for work so I expect there will be weeks where I feel like a single mom. The thought of that stresses me out big-time.
The really lame thing is that DH will probably be able to take only a week or so off work. I know he'll want to be home.
I so wish we had better parental leave laws in the US.
Since I'm mostly WFH now and am transitioning out of that, I've started doing weekly play dates with other moms and have DD enrolled in activities like Little Gym. That's great advice, and it's definitely been the best thing for me with respect to making the switch to SAH.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!I would take as much as you can if you can afford to.
@josie12367