LOW MOOD

ashleighjade90

Hi everyone,

I know I've posted a couple of times on here and I'm sorry to those who don't agree with what I am writing.

Just after some advice really. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my mood seems to be getting lower by the day: is this normal? I've not enjoyed my pregnancy from day one due to many reasons mainly midwives and doctors not seeming to care about anything that should be alarming to them.

My partner has tried to cheer me up loads this weekend and I still find myself snapping at him I come to bed early everynight and lay on my own thinking about wanting this to be over. I judt want to meet my little boy now I want it all to seem worth it. I've also finished for maternity so finding it hard to get out of bed in a morning and need some motivation

Is this normal or am I just been stupid?

mcklough

Have you ever been depressed before? If you are just cranky and miserable that could just be pregnancy OR it could be signs of depression.

Not wanting to get out of bed can be either too. Is bed just comfy and warm or is it a feeling of wanting to avoid life?

I think there are plenty of things that you have talked about that compounded mean you need to see a mental health professional and get their assistance. We are just ladies on the Internet...

ashleighjade90

No ive never been depressed.

I wake up in the morning and when my partner goes to work I lay and think what is the point in me getting up ive got absolutely nothing to get up for with me not been at work now. I've worked full time since I've been 16 and I know I'm only 25 but I've never had time off work I've been off nearly 3 weeks now and it's driving me insane.

I feel like I've got no particular purpose at the moment and feel completely ready for my little man to be here.

suchaglencoco

You need to seek professional help. All of the issues you've discussed point to the possibility of some mental health issues you should deal with immediately.
Internet strangers cannot help you at this point.
You're not working, make any appointment as early this week as possible.

SarahFoley725

@ashleighjade90 I have days like that as well. I'm also done working for the first time since I was 16. For me it's more of a "why bother getting up, I don't have anywhere to be". I'm not sad or down about it necessarily. Do you have friends or family in the area? Maybe you could meet someone up for lunch. You could also go to the store and get some stuff to make a few crafts. I've enjoyed having time to read or watch some movies as well. I think the boredom can be overwhelming. My husband is out of town currently so I went to stay with my mom and dad. Being around other people and not home alone has really boosted my mood!

ashleighjade90

Thanks for your replies. The only thing I'm worried about is what if I go to see someone and tell them I'm feeling like this: what if they think I'm not going to be a good enough mum?

That is my biggest worry!!!

It's just an unreal feeling going from been needed to then feeling like I don't even exist!

SarahFoley725

ashleighjade90 said:

Thanks for your replies. The only thing I'm worried about is what if I go to see someone and tell them I'm feeling like this: what if they think I'm not going to be a good enough mum?

That is my biggest worry!!!

It's just an unreal feeling going from been needed to then feeling like I don't even exist!

My doctor told me that bad moms don't worry about if they're going to be a good mom ❤️
You've said in your post that you're excited to meet your baby, so I don't think anyone will be worried about that. Depression is common during pregnancy, think of all the other ways hormones affect your body! Your doctor won't judge you.

Sweet_D

I would talk to someone. It can't hurt. I suffer from anxiety and noticed since the third trimester some depression has been creeping in. Nothing horrible but I let my DH know when it's getting worse so he can keep an eye on my moods. A psychiatrist, psychologist or councilor could help you figure out if it's hormones, a funk or something a little more. Heck it could just be a combination of everything.

clairemwalker

I would find someone to talk to maybe a councilor? even if its just a bit of pregnancy blues then you may still feel better after talking to someone about it and then if they feel that there might be something more going on they can refer you appropriately? Hope you feel better soon.

MamaRoni

I've only been reading thru 3rd trimester board for a few days and already I can tell things are rough for you @ashleighjade90 .

I definitely think you need to find a professional to talk too... no matter what they "may think of you". All of these emotions get stronger and more difficult once baby arrives.... not less. And goodness u sure don't want to experience major post partum depression.

SisterMaryNapalm

ashleighjade90 said:

Thanks for your replies. The only thing I'm worried about is what if I go to see someone and tell them I'm feeling like this: what if they think I'm not going to be a good enough mum?

That is my biggest worry!!!

If *anyone* you talk to says this to you they are not any kind of professional you need. Antenatal depression or low mood is definitely a recognised condition that practitioners take seriously. I would recommend talking to a professional but don't be afraid to change if they're not someone you "click" with.

In terms of your feeling of a lack of purpose, I think it's totally natural going from a workplace to nothing. I was ill a while ago and couldn't work and this was a real problem because I still needed to *do* something. I found making appointments (or coffee dates, shopping dates etc) to get me out of the house and small, manageable goals for the day (even "have a shower", "put on clothes", "buy some milk or bread"). Just be gentle with yourself, it's better to meet all of your goals and find more than feel overwhelmed by the goals you have in front of you. GL xo

imakeeff0rts

ashleighjade90 said:

Hi everyone, I know I've posted a couple of times on here and I'm sorry to those who don't agree with what I am writing. Just after some advice really. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my mood seems to be getting lower by the day: is this normal? I've not enjoyed my pregnancy from day one due to many reasons mainly midwives and doctors not seeming to care about anything that should be alarming to them. My partner has tried to cheer me up loads this weekend and I still find myself snapping at him I come to bed early everynight and lay on my own thinking about wanting this to be over. I judt want to meet my little boy now I want it all to seem worth it. I've also finished for maternity so finding it hard to get out of bed in a morning and need some motivation Is this normal or am I just been stupid?

I'm going to touch on this since I didn't see anyone talk about it (maybe I just missed it). 

What exactly "should" your doctors and midwives find alarming? Are you having serious health issues? The only other things that I've seen you post about is feeling embarrassed about bodily functions and feeling the need to go often, pelvic pressure, and restless legs - none of which are that big of a deal. You're going to be uncomfortable when baby drops, feeling the need to use the bathroom frequently comes with the territory of being pregnant, and restless legs are common. None of those issues are particularly alarming or serious, so if that's what you're talking about, I invite you to lurk and read some posts from women who are actually having seriously, potentially life threatening issues to gain some perspective. Not trying to be rude here - just trying to be straight and honest with you.

Keep in mind that your health care professionals are just that - the professionals. They deal with and treat pregnancy related issues on a daily basis and have been for a number of years. IMO, if there was something that was truly concerning to them, they'd address it. 

That said, it's never too late to find a different practice. It'll be more difficult to find someone to take you this late in the game, but someone will. If you can't trust the people that are going to be delivering your child, then I would switch.

I also agree with what previous posters have said. It sounds like you need to bring this up with your care team and find a therapist. No one is going to question whether or not you're going to be a "good" parent - ESPECIALLY if you take it upon yourself to get help. If anything, you'll probably be praised and commended for recognizing that there's an issue and seeking help on your own. You're allowed to be depressed - you're human, and pregnancy is hard. Don't beat yourself up. Just go and do and get the help that you need. 

Good luck to you, OP.

Edited for grammar.

ashleighjade90

I put my cot up today and that helped me massively. I am so excited to be a mom never felt so ready for something in the whole of my life.


Feeling much happier in myself and that's without seeing anyone

Thanks guys xxxx

SarahFoley725

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better!!

shani12345

I definitely relate to how you are feeling. I have anxiety-depression in my history and have been successfully treated with medication and therapy. I had an episode of palpitations mid way through second trimester which started me on a heart med and I stopped working, and ever since then my anxiety-depression has creeped in. My husband has had enough of my complaining that he is never there for me. I feel sometimes like I have no one to turn to, and it is really helpful when I speak to my therapist(s) and feel like I have good support and backing from that perspective. My husband also knows my history and has come with me to a couple of appointments and I know that when it comes down to the nitty gritty I have his and my family's support. anyways, you are not alone ! :-)

shani12345

P.s- one technique my therapist recommended is to make an "angel list" or a "white list" of wonderful things about being pregnant and things you are lucky to have and be greatful for. she says the depression distorts the truth and it's good to look at the list when a low mood strikes. I thought about getting creative with it and drawing an angel with list in a creative way...

Esk311

I have felt the same way at times. The unknown is scarey. Your baby will be totally worth it. Try working out or just be positive you don't want that negative energy to rub off on your baby. I'm 37 weeks and I'm so done being pregnant but I'm scared to death. I hope the best for you.

GinnyJ2012

Have you stocked the freezer with meals? That kept me busy at the end with my first. I made big batches of my favorites and froze in meal sizes so I didn't have to cook much after baby came. I also prepare breakfast sandwiches and froze individually.

ivyvines6

I do have a history of clinical depression, and what your describing in this post is exactly what it feels like when I'm in a down swing. Do not ever worry that someone will judge you for getting the help you need. You deserve to feel like a person, even if you aren't working. But take it day by day. I just had a LONG week of feeling like crap. Lots of bickering with my fiancé, no laundry getting done, running late out the door everyday etc. Yet today I feel ok again. That's very normal to go through when you are going through depression though. Don't mistake having a few good days with being "cured." Talk to your Dr about your mood swings. They may have some insight we can't provide given their experience with your particular medical history with them. They also might have an idea of places to turn to for help, as you're more than likely not the only person who has gone through this under their care.

If you do end up getting a diagnosis, or even if you just need some cheering up, there is a bump group for moms with depression you can join. There are a few regular posters on there so you will have someone to talk to about what you're going through.

RissKay

imakeeff0rts said:

ashleighjade90 said:

Hi everyone, I know I've posted a couple of times on here and I'm sorry to those who don't agree with what I am writing. Just after some advice really. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my mood seems to be getting lower by the day: is this normal? I've not enjoyed my pregnancy from day one due to many reasons mainly midwives and doctors not seeming to care about anything that should be alarming to them. My partner has tried to cheer me up loads this weekend and I still find myself snapping at him I come to bed early everynight and lay on my own thinking about wanting this to be over. I judt want to meet my little boy now I want it all to seem worth it. I've also finished for maternity so finding it hard to get out of bed in a morning and need some motivation Is this normal or am I just been stupid?

I'm going to touch on this since I didn't see anyone talk about it (maybe I just missed it). 

What exactly "should" your doctors and midwives find alarming? Are you having serious health issues? The only other things that I've seen you post about is feeling embarrassed about bodily functions and feeling the need to go often, pelvic pressure, and restless legs - none of which are that big of a deal. You're going to be uncomfortable when baby drops, feeling the need to use the bathroom frequently comes with the territory of being pregnant, and restless legs are common. None of those issues are particularly alarming or serious, so if that's what you're talking about, I invite you to lurk and read some posts from women who are actually having seriously, potentially life threatening issues to gain some perspective. Not trying to be rude here - just trying to be straight and honest with you.

Keep in mind that your health care professionals are just that - the professionals. They deal with and treat pregnancy related issues on a daily basis and have been for a number of years. IMO, if there was something that was truly concerning to them, they'd address it. 

That said, it's never too late to find a different practice. It'll be more difficult to find someone to take you this late in the game, but someone will. If you can't trust the people that are going to be delivering your child, then I would switch.

I also agree with what previous posters have said. It sounds like you need to bring this up with your care team and find a therapist. No one is going to question whether or not you're going to be a "good" parent - ESPECIALLY if you take it upon yourself to get help. If anything, you'll probably be praised and commended for recognizing that there's an issue and seeking help on your own. You're allowed to be depressed - you're human, and pregnancy is hard. Don't beat yourself up. Just go and do and get the help that you need. 

Good luck to you, OP.

Edited for grammar.

AAAAAAAAAAND no one else is commenting on this? 

I mean, I'm glad you're feeling better now... but honestly. ALL of what @imakeeff0rts said.  

DebraG421

Hello Ashleigh, I'd like to know how you're doing now.  You've probably had your baby since your post.  How are your moods doing?  I'm really glad you posted because pregnancy is very hard and confusing for me, too.  I know how lucky I am not to experience life-threatening or serious problems, but it doesn't make what I'm going through feel any easier.  It's not a competition called "who has it worst."  I have been through depression before... the treatment plan even included how to notice signs of a relapse and steps you would take to fix it.  You definitely have the signs from your description.  When I noticed my own listlessness and low thoughts, I recognized it fairly quickly and followed my plan: 1) be honest with friends and family (tell immediately!) not matter how silly you feel about doing so (good job to you for that!) 2) make myself stay active by creating structure (exercise included) 3) call my doctor- start therapy and meds.

Although I have been doing step 1 and 2 very well.  It's been a constant struggle because step 3 is not working for me as a pregnant person.  I do not want to take meds as a personal choice for my baby's sake.  Talking therapy isn't working for me this time because i don't really have issues to talk about.  A lot of the time I just feel sad and I am not thinking anything!  I too am anxiously awaiting the baby to get here.  

I hope things have brightened for you.  Post partum I hear can be hard too.  Just know this:
Your moods do not make you a bad mom.  It's hormones!
Finding a purpose goes beyond work alone.  Taking care of yourself while the little one grows is also a purpose.
Keep busy!  Do not let yourself lay in bed all day... it WILL make you sink further into depression.
Once the baby is out, seek help!! You may need some meds to help you get over the hump and, while breast milk is preferred, generations grew up just fine on formula or talk to your doctor about how it would affect him.

Good luck!!!

ashleighjade90

Hi

Me and my little boy are doing brilliantly. It was strange because as soon as he was here everything fell right into place and I felt like all the low moods where definitely worth it. I was quite scared of feeling like it after he was born but I've honestly not had time to feel anything other then love for my little boy. Honestly is the best thing in my life by far

ashleighjade90

my perfect little boy xxx 

DebraG421

Ok. If you have read my post and others on here that talk about low moods, you will know that you are not alone and you are definitely not being stupid! How you feel is how you feel.  The problem is in imagining how you are "supposed" to feel.  I did the same thing with my wedding, wanting everything to be perfect and feeling guilty over any moment that was not and wrong for being sad about it.  This time, however, with pregnancy, you have the added excuse of hormones!  Yes, hormones make you do weird things.  
Of course, people will say see a doctor or get on meds if it gets to severe.  And while this is great advice, there are some things you can do for yourself that your doctor will probably neglect or not know to tell you:
take omega 3, b-12, b-6 supplements- they can help boost your mood.  If your baby is taking it all, it can leave you depleted.
sit out in the sun for vitamin D and some sun therapy- read a book that relaxes you
massage and accupuncture
prayer/meditation
Most of all, give yourself a break!  You do not have to be happy!  It doesn't mean anything because hormones affect everyone differently and this is how it affects you.  You didn't do anything wrong.
Please take care of yourself- You're almost there! You can do it!!

DebraG421

oops... ignore the last post... typing quickly at work.  Thanks for the update! Happy for you!!!!!