Back to work and LO to daycare

themarievon

I'm headed back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks unpaid leave. Both my hubby and myself work full time so our LO will spend a significant amount of time at daycare. I feel like I am abandoning him. I am so incredibly nervous and anxious about a.) leaving my little one at daycare and b.) pumping at work. Because I am salaried and work for a small business I don't qualify for FMLA or the breastfeeding laws so I am on my own with my boss to figure out leave and breaks. I am EBF but have been pumping and LO takes a bottle fine at this point. Still just incredibly anxious about the whole situation and really wishing we had leave laws without so many loopholes so that I could at least rest assured that I was somewhat protected. Any STMs have any thoughts or advice or words of wisdom?

Pontot31

I'm sorry. That really sucks!
As for pumping - have pictures of your baby on hand. Even on your phone videos- they help a lot to trigger your body.
Make pumping a priority. You've got to be diligent if you want it to keep working. A hands free pumping bra can allow you to do work still so if you can go into a closed off office you can still get stuff done while pumping.
And don't be embarrassed by it be proud you're feeding your baby. Speak up if you need to pump.

I've been researching and I'm about to buy a Freemie pump attachment for mine. It allows you to pump with your shirt on! It could be an option for you to continue working while pumping. I am in a car for work a lot so it will be easier for me.

As for daycare don't feel bad. Just make sure when you are together you make the most of your time. Your LO won't remember daycare and will likely thrive with other kids as they get older.

The first few days do suck, I won't lie. But you'll grow to love the adult time and it'll make you enjoy your time home with your baby.

themarievon

@Pontot31  Thanks for the freemie pump advice. I've never heard of them. Looks pretty cool. I might have to get one!  And thanks for the words of wisdom I need to be reminded every once in a while that I should be proud to be able to provide all the nutrition the LO needs. :-) 

GoogleMD

I go back to work tomorrow wand I feel just like you after being home with my LO for 9 weeks. I am not really worried about pumping, but definitely feel bad being away from him for 8 hrs even though my mom is watching exclusively till at least march

Elyse1384

I felt the same way when I had to return to work with DS. The first day is by far the worst and the following days are rough, but I promise you it does get better. For me I would try to arrive early for both drop off and pick up so I had a few minutes to watch from the doorway either before I left for work or before I went into grab him just to see how the teachers interact with him and how he responded to the environment. It didn't take too long for him to begin greeting his teachers with a big smile. Just remember that you are doing this for him by ensuring your family is financially stable. I'm certain many of us working mothers would much prefer to stay home, but at the end of the day if going to work provides our children with more opportunities, a roof over their heads and food in their tummies it is worth it. I also had to pump and as others said bring pics of your LO and try not to stress over output. You're doing a great job!

MargaretC5

DS is 2 and has been in DC since he was 14 weeks old and he loves it. When we drop him off he runs to play and never looks back. I think it is much harder on the parents then the baby when you drop then off at any age. The first few weeks back at work are very hard, but it will get easier.
My day care would text me during the day at first with updates and pictures, which ale it a lot easier to know DS was in good hands.
Before I went back to work I sent my boss an email explaining I was going to be pumping and asked him to let know if he had any concerns about my availability (I am also salary). He just replied with "ok". I never had another conversation with my boss about it and I pumped at work for 10 months. I did block out time on my work calendar for the times I pump so people would not schedule me for meetings, and then I would also get reminders from Outlook. So long as you make it a priority you can pump at work.

jdal1206

themarievon said:

I'm headed back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks unpaid leave. Both my hubby and myself work full time so our LO will spend a significant amount of time at daycare. I feel like I am abandoning him. I am so incredibly nervous and anxious about a.) leaving my little one at daycare and b.) pumping at work. Because I am salaried and work for a small business I don't qualify for FMLA or the breastfeeding laws so I am on my own with my boss to figure out leave and breaks. I am EBF but have been pumping and LO takes a bottle fine at this point. Still just incredibly anxious about the whole situation and really wishing we had leave laws without so many loopholes so that I could at least rest assured that I was somewhat protected. Any STMs have any thoughts or advice or words of wisdom?

First off I'm sending good vibes your way that this transition finds a way to go smoothly for you!

Second just a question and I apologize if I should know this but how come you don't qualify for the BFing laws in terms of pumping? I am currently job searching and when I find something I will have to pump at work and I was under the assumption that it had to be allowed/worked out with your boss?

Lolo427

I'm confused- you don't qualify for the fair labor act? I thought you HAD to if you worked a taxable (legal) job in the US?

https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqbtnm.htm

angelinthepit23

@Lolo427 I was thinking the same thing. Size of the company should only apply to the FMLA. I would double check the laws on breastfeeding at work.

vomitrosa

I feel for you, it's so so hard. I went back last Tuesday and I cry everyday when he leaves to go to Nana's house for the day. I feel like a piece of me has been ripped away. I also work for a small business and I just take my pump breaks regardless.....maybe because at this point I'm like....oh heck just fire me, I miss my baby so much.

JamieA322

@Pontot31 Did you order the Freemie? I did today. Thanks for mentioning it. I'm curious to see how it works.

Pontot31

JamieA322 said:

@Pontot31 Did you order the Freemie? I did today. Thanks for mentioning it. I'm curious to see how it works.

I haven't yet! I go back in 5.5 weeks and it's on my to do list. I have a friend who raves about it. You'll have to let us know how it works for you.

laswett

Did anyone give a list to the sitter? I'm trying to think of things she should know, but she's taken care of babies. All I can think of is how much he's eating and how often. He doesn't have any medical issues or anything.

RaisingJulian

laswett said:

Did anyone give a list to the sitter? I'm trying to think of things she should know, but she's taken care of babies. All I can think of is how much he's eating and how often. He doesn't have any medical issues or anything.

I let my sitter know how much tummy time I would like LO to have sometimes sitters don't think about that stuff even though it's common sense for us

VexedMommy

laswett said:

Did anyone give a list to the sitter? I'm trying to think of things she should know, but she's taken care of babies. All I can think of is how much he's eating and how often. He doesn't have any medical issues or anything.

I did not with my new LO, but I did with my first.  Lol.  It was an incredibly detailed feeding and activity schedule, , likes/dislikes, and pretty much everything else I could think of.  This time, I just gave a quick verbal run down of how much to feed her and her likes/dislikes before heading to work. 

GoogleMD

laswett said:

Did anyone give a list to the sitter? I'm trying to think of things she should know, but she's taken care of babies. All I can think of is how much he's eating and how often. He doesn't have any medical issues or anything.

My mom is watching lo so it is a little different.
I wrote down our work numbers
Pedi name and number
He gets gas drops before each meal
Whatever to use gripe water for and dose
Times when he generally eats and sleeps
How long breast milk stays good at room temp and fridge
Reminded not microwave or get breast milk too warm

kmd91

laswett said:

Did anyone give a list to the sitter? I'm trying to think of things she should know, but she's taken care of babies. All I can think of is how much he's eating and how often. He doesn't have any medical issues or anything.

I'm a SAHM, but speaking as a sitter I can tell you some of the things I appreciated having from parents.

What a typical day looks like for your baby. Not so much a schedule to follow, but just a guide for what is normal for that particular baby. If he tends to nap at certain times, tell them that. If he doesn't, just tell them what his naps are typically like. Is he a frequent cat napper or sleep longer stretches for naps?

Let them know some of the things you use to calm him. Sure, without that information they'll figure out what works as they go, but it's nice to have some tricks in your tool bag from the get go.

The frequency with which diapers are typically changed. This may seem silly, and it's definitely not necessary to tell your sitter. However, it's nice to know what the baby's typical output is like, because that does vary by baby. My baby is a frequent pooper, many babies could easily spend the day with the sitter without a poopy diaper. However, if my son didn't poop all day I would want to know because it's out of the ordinary for him.

Of course emergency contact numbers, though I'm sure that you've already got that down.

Really, I know some people get offended by it, but I have always loved parents who tell me everything they can think of about what is normal for their child. It's not about the sitter knowing or not knowing how to take care of a baby, but rather about giving them a quick crash course in YOUR baby.

M&MKorff13

Following this. I'm returning to work and the sitter will be at our home most days. Anyone have or has anyone found a general template that goes over everything to review about your LO during the day? I'd like to make a list to hand the babysitter to go over with her on our routine, likes/dislikes, where things are located, bottle cleaning, etc. I should probably just make one on my own but I also don't want to forget anything!

VexedMommy

M&MKorff13 said:

Following this. I'm returning to work and the sitter will be at our home most days. Anyone have or has anyone found a general template that goes over everything to review about your LO during the day? I'd like to make a list to hand the babysitter to go over with her on our routine, likes/dislikes, where things are located, bottle cleaning, etc. I should probably just make one on my own but I also don't want to forget anything!

I did a quick google search and didn't find anything to inform the teacher, but search infant daycare templates and a lot of really cute templates to let you know what happened with the baby are online. 

nycmommy13

I went back to work after 8 weeks. The first day is the hardest and the first week is pretty rough. It gets better slowly after that. Just remember, it's definitely harder on you than on your baby!

themarievon

Because I'm salary. Technically the BF law in the US only applies to non-exempt employees. It's a sneaky little loophole

bravoandprosecco

I'm returning to work in 2 weeks, baby will be 12 weeks. I cry at the thought and feel so anxious. How did you ladies get passed this? I know he will be cared for but I don't know how I will deal being away from him.

Ceridwen77

Sarah052085 said:

I'm returning to work in 2 weeks, baby will be 12 weeks. I cry at the thought and feel so anxious. How did you ladies get passed this? I know he will be cared for but I don't know how I will deal being away from him.

I feel the same. This is my last week home with LO. I don't know how I'm gonna do it

natalknitter15

Ceridwen77 said:

I'm returning to work in 2 weeks, baby will be 12 weeks. I cry at the thought and feel so anxious. How did you ladies get passed this? I know he will be cared for but I don't know how I will deal being away from him.

I feel the same. This is my last week home with LO. I don't know how I'm gonna do it

I returned to work when my baby was 11 weeks old. For me, the dread of returning to work was much worse than actually returning to work. Once I got caught up in the flow of the workplace, my anxiety and sadness diminished quite a bit. I do still miss my baby, of course. But it isn't unbearably gut-wrenching in the way that it was in the days leading up to returning to work.

Do you plan to pump at work? That's something that's helped me to continue to feel connected with my baby. I also take comfort in prepping his bag for the day - making sure he has enough diapers, changes of clothes, etc.

I still need to get a picture of him for my desk, but I feel like he looks so much older everyday that it would look outdated so quickly!

VexedMommy

natalknitter15 said:

Ceridwen77 said:

I'm returning to work in 2 weeks, baby will be 12 weeks. I cry at the thought and feel so anxious. How did you ladies get passed this? I know he will be cared for but I don't know how I will deal being away from him.

I feel the same. This is my last week home with LO. I don't know how I'm gonna do it

I returned to work when my baby was 11 weeks old. For me, the dread of returning to work was much worse than actually returning to work. Once I got caught up in the flow of the workplace, my anxiety and sadness diminished quite a bit. I do still miss my baby, of course. But it isn't unbearably gut-wrenching in the way that it was in the days leading up to returning to work.

Do you plan to pump at work? That's something that's helped me to continue to feel connected with my baby. I also take comfort in prepping his bag for the day - making sure he has enough diapers, changes of clothes, etc.

I still need to get a picture of him for my desk, but I feel like he looks so much older everyday that it would look outdated so quickly!

Digital picture frames are inexpensive and very easy to add new pictures to.  They're great for the desk at work because you can store lots of memories in the one frame and it never needs to get outdated.

natalknitter15

VexedMommy said:

Digital picture frames are inexpensive and very easy to add new pictures to.  They're great for the desk at work because you can store lots of memories in the one frame and it never needs to get outdated.

This is such a good idea! Thank you!

poupoule

Bump.

I will go back to work march 1st full time. I think I have the possibility to go part time - any of you tried it ? Was it better than full time and better than being a SAHM ? We comitted with a nanny to work full time so by changing the schedule we might lose her too... 

natalknitter15

poupoule said:

Bump.

I will go back to work march 1st full time. I think I have the possibility to go part time - any of you tried it ? Was it better than full time and better than being a SAHM ? We comitted with a nanny to work full time so by changing the schedule we might lose her too... 

If I could afford to work just part-time, I would do it in a heartbeat! I love my work, but I also love my LO (of course). Being able to do both is my dream. Could you float the idea by your nanny and see what her reaction is, then make a decision from there?

wulfpackgirl

I'm doing part time now. I love it. It's nice to get out of the house a few mornings a week and do something besides change diapers and feeds but I still get to be home a majority of the time and get lots of cuddles. I was going a bit stir crazy staying home all the time those first two months. It's perfect to me.

NovemberSno

Pontot31 said:

I'm sorry. That really sucks! As for pumping - have pictures of your baby on hand. Even on your phone videos- they help a lot to trigger your body. Make pumping a priority. You've got to be diligent if you want it to keep working. A hands free pumping bra can allow you to do work still so if you can go into a closed off office you can still get stuff done while pumping. And don't be embarrassed by it be proud you're feeding your baby. Speak up if you need to pump. I've been researching and I'm about to buy a Freemie pump attachment for mine. It allows you to pump with your shirt on! It could be an option for you to continue working while pumping. I am in a car for work a lot so it will be easier for me. As for daycare don't feel bad. Just make sure when you are together you make the most of your time. Your LO won't remember daycare and will likely thrive with other kids as they get older. The first few days do suck, I won't lie. But you'll grow to love the adult time and it'll make you enjoy your time home with your baby.

Agree 100% about being proud to pump! I'm a nurse and work 12 busy hours. I MAKE time no matter what to pump at least 3 times in my shift. I don't care who has to cover for me I make it my priority.  Once I was washing my pumping bottle in our break room sink and a girl looked at me weird I asked her "can i help you???" Don't let people make you feel bad. Pumping is hard and requires effort and dedication and you should be proud of that.