It hurts me how people who do illegal drugs etc still have full term babies and I have heartache

scrowle5

why

Kurtni

I would never wish baby loss on anyone regardless of what crappy choices they make, but I definitely sympathize that seeing people who don't even want their kids or care for them properly is much more hurtful after loss. Life is just not fair, everyday after a loss is a reminder of that.

PeggyOlsonFTW

People who make poor choices don't deserve a loss. No one does. You don't know that person's story, so don't judge them. Life's not fair sometimes. End of story.

AmMcc12

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are struggling so much. From looking at your other posts I might suggest speaking to a therapist about how you are feeling.

RiverSong15

As hard as it is to see people with babies who might neglect them, you need to remind yourself that other people's fertility takes nothing away from you. There is not a finite supply of babies in the world. I know it's tough to see this when you want a baby so badly and you're hurting, but try to keep that in mind.

alanna3622

As an adoptive mom (through public domestic adoption, where the children are removed from their parents' care), I can tell you that all mothers love their babies. Whether those mothers are willing/able to make choices that allow them to properly care for those babies, inside/outside of their bodies, is a completely separate issue.

And at the same time, as a mother who has recently experienced a pregnancy loss, I can also tell you that my first thoughts was the same as yours. That it isn't fair. We didn't deserve this. We are good people. We would've been amazing parents to our son. Why me and not other, less-deserving women? I wanted him SO MUCH.

The trick is to remind yourself of what the other ladies here have already pointed out. It will help you get through this awful time.

Trying to make sense of something that is so completely senseless is an impossible task.

BooksForMe23

I totally get where you're coming from.  I'm a Kindergarten teacher, and I often see kids who are neglected or abused or live in homes where the parents do drugs.  At times, I really wish that somehow babies were only given to the parents who would take good care of them, but obviously it doesn't work out that way.  I think it's best to not focus on other people's situations, since you clearly can't do anything about it anyway.  Just focus ond being good to yourself.

AmMcc12

I work for child welfare and deal with this on a daily basis. Parents who's kids are in care and get pregnant again without changing their ways. Yea it hurts like crazy but I do what I can. But as @RiverSong15 said they have not taking anything away from you.

Soapbox: if anyone has ever thought of adopting look at the kids who are available from the child welfare system. Yes they may have troubles, but it is what they have been handed and need/deserve a caring and loving family.

Cubslove12

I'm personally one of those full term babies from a mom who did drugs. She was a heroine addict and I had drug withdrawals when I was born....

I'm now a High School Special Education teacher specializing in emotional disabilities... So I also see my students that make poor choices getting pregnant and having children. Which is very difficult at times.

There are days that I am over here questioning everything, why did my pregnancy not last. 

I do have to say everything happens for a reason. I shouldn't of lasted, for some reason I did and I try to make a positive contribution to society. I try to give back and help students who need it. 

I guess being adopted, as much as I want biological children I am also open to adoption. As hard as it is to see it right now, there is a reason and you will have your miracle baby!