How do you hold each other accountable?

lovecountry

Hi everyone! My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year now and I have been seen by a RE already. I've had diabetes since I was 12 and diagnosed with PCOS around 14 or 15 years old. I need to lower my a1c to have the iui done but struggle with depression so I eat and have a hard time controlling my sugar at times. I had it down to 6.8 but now its 7.9 so I need to get with it. In the midst of all this we found out my husband has a slightly low sperm count and its our choice to go to a urologist or not. Of course he don't want to so I told him if he takes a supplement I got him and cuts down drinking and chewing I'd hold up my end of the deal with watching my sugar and working out. Well he didn't so I didn't. How have any of you held each other accountable because if at a loss and don't know what else to do.
Thanks!

Piperella

It's really a team effort.  It takes two people to make it successful if you are planning to use your eggs/body and his sperm.  The whole "well he didn't so i didn't" is immature and not going to work for you both in the long term.  Have both of you sat down with your RE to talk about the realities of what you need to do to get to a point where an IUI might even be a possibility? My DH and I went to appointments and it really struck a chord with my DH.  We've been on the same page since seeing an RE and we've both cut down on things where we've needed to.  I think making him an active part of this process has helped keep us both accountable to what we need to do in this process. You may want to also look at counseling or therapy if you're serious about this to make sure you both are on the same page.  

I wish you luck.  And yes, cutting sugars down bites the big one, but you will feel better once you have a handle on your sugar cravings.  It is hard, but totally worth it in the end if it means the possibility of your body supporting a healthy pregnancy.

oxinfree

@lovecountry - I guess you both have to decide how badly you want it. When you've been trying as long as I have, I'm willing to do just about anything... and yes, for me that has meant cutting out sweets too! COMPLETELY. (with the exception of natural sweets such as berry fruits). I agree with @Piperella that two wrongs don't make a right. If one of you isn't doing your part, then the other person following suit with bad habits or lack of commitment is only making matters worse. I'm sorry if you are feeling unsupported though, that really sucks. Have you two considered going to counselling. A lot of couples undergoing infertility find it helpful. Also, maybe its something if he hears from an RE he'd be more willing to cooperate? I think you're asking very little of him with all you have to endure and hope you two come to a happy resolution. I wish you all the best of luck with your upcoming treatments!

suchaglencoco

I completely agree with the PPs.
Infertility is a terribly difficult process. I could not have made it through had my husband not been so supportive. He wanted us to have a baby just as much as I did so he did everything he could to help me.
Perhaps your husband is having a hard time accepting and coming to terms with the fact that he has a low sperm count. I could see that affecting a man's opinion of himself and maybe pushing back some.

Please take the great advice they gave you and talk to him about things and go get some counseling together. Good luck!

PCOSat25

I thinks this conversations should be less about "holding each other accountable" and more about " inspiring each other to succeed". My husband and I are healthy normal weight individuals but there have definitely been times when one or both of us has wanted to focus on exercising more or eating better. My husband has told me countless times that when he sees me to for a run or make progress on my goals it encourages him to keep working hard on his.

When you say "hold accountable" it just sounds like nagging to me. My husband would never respond well if I was like "hey it's been a few days since you've gone to the gym" lol.

Honestly it sounds like you focus should be on YOU right now. Unfortunately you are the only person you can really change. He may not be committing to changing his behavior as you have not committed to yours. If you really go after your goals he will probably see that it is important and start working on his.

Good luck

wifeinraleigh28

It is a team effort, however at the end of the day you can only control your own actions.  If you stop trying on your end because he did, you are part of the problem.  I agree with what all the previous commenters said before me, especially what @PCOSat25 said about inspiring one another.  The best way to inspire your husband is to hold up your end of the bargain, no matter what he chooses to do.  When the two of your are a team, you hold YOURSELF accountable and offer emotional support to each other along the way.  If he doesn't take the supplements, ask him how you can help, or what he needs from you, to turn things around.  If it's what he really wants.  Counseling can assist you with having some of these difficult conversations as well.  Good luck.