So discouraged, feeling so low, need some support (child mentioned)

DA682

Hi all- I have lurked on this board and wanted to make a formal intro. I'm sorry for all of your losses and that we have to meet in this way. 

We had our first child 2 yrs ago after 1 year of trying- I was diagnosed with luteal phase defect and was able to conceive using progesterone. This year we started trying for #2 over the summer and shockingly got pregnant on our second try, only for it to be a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. Failed cytotec and had a d+c in Sept. We have been back to trying for 3 cycles without success. Today is 11dpo and BFNs. I know in my heart of hearts that I should be seeing something by now so I'm calling it a bust. I don't feel pregnant at all. 

I am just so so so sad and discouraged. Most of my friends who had miscarriages conceived immediately after, and I guess I was hoping that would happen to us. We have been timing everything perfectly and I'm taking progesterone. I don't know what else we can do to increase our chances and I'm just so worried that something is wrong. My mind is going crazy thinking that we will never get pregnant, or if we do, it will end in miscarriage. I'm just feeling hopeless. 

Im sitting here crying like an idiot. Just feeling really low and could use some encouragement. Thanks in advance. 

RiverSong15

I'm so sorry for you loss. If you're taking progesterone, that can extend your LP. 11days isn't a long LP, especially if you are supplementing. You're not out until you get your period. Are you temping and charting? What do your LPs usually look like on progesterone?

Beyond that, I just wanted to send some creepy internet hugs. I have those hopeless feelings too sometimes. I try to just ride it out and know that those feelings will pass. If they don't though, don't be afraid to find a therapist... It can really help. Hugs.

DA682

Thank you so much for the hugs, I'm hugging you back!  I am thinking that if this continues another month or so I will need to seek therapy. I am feeling so depressed and hopeless over the situation and its really making it hard for me to get up and go to work every day. That combined with the cold weather and post holiday blues is really getting me down. 

My LP is usually around 14 days. I do still get my period on the progesterone though. I just know that things should've implanted by now and I'm not even getting a hint of a super squinter on any of my most sensitive tests.

RiverSong15

DA682 said:

Thank you so much for the hugs, I'm hugging you back!  I am thinking that if this continues another month or so I will need to seek therapy. I am feeling so depressed and hopeless over the situation and its really making it hard for me to get up and go to work every day. That combined with the cold weather and post holiday blues is really getting me down. 

My LP is usually around 14 days. I do still get my period on the progesterone though. I just know that things should've implanted by now and I'm not even getting a hint of a super squinter on any of my most sensitive tests.

You're definitely not out if you're still 3 days away from your expected period. I think fertility friend did an analysis of their users' data and found that the average day for a first positive was 1 day before the expected period. I don't want to get your hopes up, but neither should you be feeling definitely out yet. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs.

MissAmeliaPond

I am so sorry you are feeling so depressed. I don't think I've seen you around the TTGP board, so if this isn't your cycle, don't be afraid to jump in there. The ladies on that board are a wealth of knowledge and support (and science-based logic), and it has been helpful for me to participate in the WTO and TWW threads, and lurk there throughout my TTC journey. I'm currently dealing with the aftermath of a chemical pregnancy, so I'm right there with you with all the feelings. 

If you need to seek out a therapist, I definitely think you should. I'm planning on trying acupuncture this cycle, as it can supposedly help with the emotional aspect of TTC, too. I've even had doctors recommend it as part of a physical TTC regimen, so it can't hurt! I hope you feel better soon. 

DA682

Thanks so much ashbear- I was on TTC back in 2012 when I was struggling to get pregnant with my first. It was definitely helpful and I learned soooo much. I may jump back in there too.  It may help to see people getting bfp's after a few months of trying. All of my friends get pregnant immediately (including immediately after a miscarriage) so I keep comparing myself to them. I know going into cycle 4 isn't that bad. I guess it just feels like forever since we've been trying for a sibling since May and the m/c + 4 cycles feels like forever

MissAmeliaPond

@DA682 I'm still trying for my first, and am now going in to cycle/month 5 (my CP was cycle 4). It totally sucks! I started taking folic acid over a year ago to start getting ready for TTC, went off HBC in June, and we started actively trying in September. So it definitely feels like this process has been happening for a long time, now - and I thought because I was doing everything right things would happen right away. I'm not good at being patient either, and I hate that TTC is really just mostly waiting with very little you can actually do. I feel like the CP has stolen valuable TTC time from me, and I'm hoping my body will bounce back and this cycle won't be too wonky.

I think there's also a weekly(ish) TFAS check-in thread that happens on TTGP, and there are lots of ladies over there who already have one or more child and are trying again. Honestly, it's hard to find people in real life that I can relate to (I'm the first one of my friends who is actively trying, and my SIL got PG with her first on their first try so I refuse to talk to her about this!). TTGP also has fun daily threads that don't necessarily revolve around TTC, and those are fun distractions, too. As long as you read all the newbie threads and follow the rules, it's a great board. 

kja2011

I am sorry for your loss, and that it is taking some time for you to get pregnant again.

Following my loss, I started seeing a fertility acupuncturist.  Not only was the acupuncture great, we would talk at the beginning of each session--I considered it therapy.  Since my acupuncturist works with women with varying types of fertility struggles, she offered a lot of great insight.  

Sending lots of good thoughts your way!

DA682

I am so sorry about the CP, it truly sucks- I think b/c it was so early your current cycle should be pretty much normal. Even when I had my miscarriage at 9 weeks, I got my period 1 month after d+c and my doctor told me I would likely ovulate before the period (I think I did but I wasn't checking). While a miscarriage is SOOO awful, the silver lining is that at least you know you and your partner can get pregnant. Thats what I keep telling myself. Fingers crossed for you! 

daisy62103

So sorry you're having a rough time. I mc'd back in july at 14 weeks and still have some very difficult days. I'm on month 6 TTCAL and it's frustrating. I've always gotten pg very easily, but, as you see from my siggy, my problem is keeping the pg the whole 9 mos. I've been stressing about getting pg again- so I'm sure that can't help me ttc. Definitely see a therapist if you think that might help. 
Sending big creepy internet hugs!!

megsbrock

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so incredibly frustrated right now. you definitely aren't alone, I also cried many tears of frustration (and I'll be honest, jealousy at other pregnancy announcements) while TTC between my first and second loss. It does feel like forever when you are waiting for a BFP and of course the stress is going to spill into your everyday life and make it hard to function or focus on anything else. I completely understand that. I hope you can take good care of yourself as you move through the grief and frustration. If you are leaning towards therapy, why not make the call sooner rather than wait a month? It might help to feel like you are taking control or a step in that direction. Unless of course there are some practical reasons you wish to wait a month on that. Big hugs. One foot in front of the other!!

fafa1111

I'm so sorry for your loss and struggles @DA682! I agree with the PPs on here but wanted to offer my support, as well. I'm in my first month TTC after a CP and can definitely empathize with the feelings you have. I know if I get a BFN this cycle I'll be super sad since like you, my friends have told me they got preg the first cycle after their CPs. On the other hand, if I get a BFP, I'll be scared that it'll end the same way as last time. Participating in the TTGP board has helped me not feel alone and keeps me motivated. Everyone's really great on TB so I hope to see you in the threads if this isn't your month! *hugs*

NamelessAria

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that you're having such a bad TTCAL day. Here is a creepy internet hug:


I'm not as far along in the TTCAL journey as you and I can only imagine how frustrating and depressing it must be to get BFNs and AF month after month.

If it makes you feel any better, since you got pregnant with your first child within the "normal" 1 year time frame and then again with your angel baby within 2 months of TTC, I'd say it's pretty likely that you and your DH/SO are both fertile and healthy. It sounds as if the odds are in your favor that you will get pregnant again, eventually. I know you said that you've been telling yourself that at least you know you can get pregnant, and that reminding yourself of that fact has brought you some comfort.

As far as the feeling that if you get pregnant again it will only end in another MC. If it helps at all I found some statistics (because statistics help me and have brought me comfort since my MC) that say that if you had 1 healthy baby and a miscarriage after then your chances of having a miscarriage the next time you get pregnant is 10% (same as someone who had never had a miscarriage). So the odds are definitely in your favor that not only will you get pregnant again but that you'll get your rainbow baby, eventually.

PeggyOlsonFTW

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I feel you. After my MMC, once we were given the green light, we started trying for our rainbow baby. Much to my surprise, we got a BFP on our first cycle trying. I was ecstatic and never suspected we'd have another loss, but we did. Now I can't help but feel that there's something wrong and DS is my miracle baby. I know lots of people who have had one miscarriage, but not two. The stress and wondering is just awful.

Lately, I've found myself spending a lot more time with my adult coloring books. It's really calming and stress relieving. Much more so that falling into endless Google holes about fertility and miscarriages.

alanna3622

@DA682 sending you compassion. I am so sorry for your loss and current stresses.

@PeggyOlsonFTW Sorry to hear your story - talk about screwing with someone's mind. I am glad that you are hear and have not given up on TTCAL.

alanna3622

@NamelessAria You are fabulous.