Sleep help needed for a 3 year old! Please help!

mierasm1

I have a 3 yr old (3 yr 8 months) along with a 2 year old and a baby coming next month. My 3 year old will not sleep alone.  He slept alone just fine up until 4 months ago and since then my husband and I have taken turns sleeping in his bed with him. If we try to leave he has a huge fit, wakes up his brother and spazzes out.  He kicks walls, screams, and runs out of the room. He says he is afraid. He has several night lights, glowing stars, flash lights, etc. You name it- he has it in his room. We also leave the door open and the hall light on.  I try to sneak out after he falls asleep, but if we do this he wakes up and runs to our room crying for us several times throughout the night.  He has always been very strong willed and a sensitive child.  I need help on a plan of action to get him to sleep alone before the new baby comes.  I am worried that through this all he will keep his younger brother up as they have rooms right by each other and him losing sleep will affect his behavior at preschool.  He just stopped  napping and has been acting up a bit at preschool. He needs his sleep to feel and act good, but I have no idea where to begin with this all. Rewards and bribes do NOT work for him either as we have tried everything as far as bribing him.  Please help me as the baby will be here soon and I have no idea what to do. Thank so much! 

WillyBean

Whew you have a lot going on! Kudos to you.

You and your husband need to come up with a sleep game plan and stick with it. Example: read a story, then cuddles for 10 minutes, then leave the room. When your son gets up and comes out to find you, take him back to bed repeatedly and tell him repeatedly that it's time for bed and he needs to sleep in his room. If he lays in bed crying and screaming then that's what he does. If he comes out of his room 100 times, take him back and lay him down 100 times. It wont hurt him. If he is still crying and upset, go in and reassure him every 15-20 minutes but he has to stay in bed and he has to sleep there. No other options. Sleep stuff is soooo hard and the only thing that makes it easier is consistency. Possibly have your 2yo sleep in a different room so they are not disturbed during this?

Another note, I'm a huge fan of the zipadee zip sleep sacks. They have some for toddlers that make them feel snug. May want to try something similar?

These are just my suggestions. Good luck and I hope your family gets some rest.

tracij12

Agree with pp on setting a plan and sticking with it. My oldest turned 4 in December (and I had my second in September) and she had a very similar sleep regression. She would also say she was scared or having bad dreams.

I think some of it was connected to the pregnancy and knowing little sister was coming.

We slipped a few times b/c I was totally exhausted, but for the most part never let her sleep in our bed or slept in her room with her. We would follow almost exactly what PP laid out. Once baby came and it was clear that she loved being a big sister we started telling her how good of a big sis she was and how she is doing such a good job teaching her little sister how to be brave and sleep like a big girl. It's silly, but is totally working for her.

Good luck and hope it passes quickly for you!!

Bigboobsmcgee

WillyBean said:

Whew you have a lot going on! Kudos to you. You and your husband need to come up with a sleep game plan and stick with it. Example: read a story, then cuddles for 10 minutes, then leave the room. When your son gets up and comes out to find you, take him back to bed repeatedly and tell him repeatedly that it's time for bed and he needs to sleep in his room. If he lays in bed crying and screaming then that's what he does. If he comes out of his room 100 times, take him back and lay him down 100 times. It wont hurt him. If he is still crying and upset, go in and reassure him every 15-20 minutes but he has to stay in bed and he has to sleep there. No other options. Sleep stuff is soooo hard and the only thing that makes it easier is consistency. Possibly have your 2yo sleep in a different room so they are not disturbed during this? Another note, I'm a huge fan of the zipadee zip sleep sacks. They have some for toddlers that make them feel snug. May want to try something similar? These are just my suggestions. Good luck and I hope your family gets some rest.

This is the exact advice I would give. You have to be 100% consistent OP or nothing will work.

valeriegp

I have no advice just empathy, because we have a 3 year old with almost the same sleep problem. No kid coming, though. We started doing basically what PPs have suggested about 2 weeks ago, and, I hate to say, it is not getting better. We both work full time and the sleep exhaustion is starting to affect our performance at work. I really, really hope you have better luck with it, and I'm going to keep an eye here for any other suggestions.

Bigboobsmcgee

valeriegp said:

I have no advice just empathy, because we have a 3 year old with almost the same sleep problem. No kid coming, though. We started doing basically what PPs have suggested about 2 weeks ago, and, I hate to say, it is not getting better. We both work full time and the sleep exhaustion is starting to affect our performance at work. I really, really hope you have better luck with it, and I'm going to keep an eye here for any other suggestions.

My 3.5 year old was getting out of bed a ton, claiming he was scared of the dark, or having nightmares, etc when basically he just wanted to sleep in bed with us. He would scream and cry if we tried to take him back to his room and that was bad because his sister (12 months at the time) sleeps in the room next to him and he would wake her. We let him sleep with us for a little while then had to put our foot down (well, DH put his foot down!).

Eventually I bought a stoplight clock for his room off Amazon and told him he couldn't leave his room until the green light went off. We also got a reward chart with stickers for each time he stayed in his room/bed. Both of those things seem to have done the trick after countless trips back to his room weren't working.

What is your son doing? What have you tried?

valeriegp

He was sleeping in our room and this is us putting our foot down. He also says he is scared but I think it is partially a ruse. We have a reward chart but it only worked for about three days (and by worked, I mean he only woke up once in the night crying and yelling rather than multiple times). Reward charts, and rewards in general, don't usually work with him (it was the same with potty training) -- he's the type of kid who just decides when he's going to do something and does it, no looking back. 

We've been talking about getting one of those clocks and couldn't decide if it would work with him or not (considering they aren't cheap). It's still a consideration. The good news is, last night he only woke up once (knock on wood). He had been waking up every 2-3 hours, like we had a newborn again. He screams and cries and can't comfort himself back to sleep. That's the main issue, I think. Despite all our attempts over the last three years, he's never latched onto a transitional object to help with comfort. 

Bigboobsmcgee

valeriegp said:

He was sleeping in our room and this is us putting our foot down. He also says he is scared but I think it is partially a ruse. We have a reward chart but it only worked for about three days (and by worked, I mean he only woke up once in the night crying and yelling rather than multiple times). Reward charts, and rewards in general, don't usually work with him (it was the same with potty training) -- he's the type of kid who just decides when he's going to do something and does it, no looking back. 

We've been talking about getting one of those clocks and couldn't decide if it would work with him or not (considering they aren't cheap). It's still a consideration. The good news is, last night he only woke up once (knock on wood). He had been waking up every 2-3 hours, like we had a newborn again. He screams and cries and can't comfort himself back to sleep. That's the main issue, I think. Despite all our attempts over the last three years, he's never latched onto a transitional object to help with comfort. 

Ahh, I didn't even think about this. My son has a blanket and a Yoshi doll that are his comfort items. He always has them.

This is what we bought for my son just in case you were interested. He LOVES it.

https://www.amazon.com/Stoplight-Sleep-Enhancing-Alarm-Sports/dp/B002TKLN46/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452271604&sr=8-1&keywords=stoplight+clock%5C

SLGILL1978

I would get to the root of why he is afraid before pressuring/forcing him to "change" for lack of a better word. Is there anyway that maybe you discuss with him, maybe make a deal to start off the night in his bed. If he gets scared or afraid then he can come into Mommy and Daddy's room? But have a little area for him set up. Like a pallet or a toddler mattress. And it could possibly have to do with a new baby coming. 

MrsBigTime

I'm sorry you are struggling! 

From my limited personal research, though, regressions at this age are very common! I always find it reassuring to know that I am not alone - especially when I'm struggling with something I feel like I've already conquered! 

I also want to add that it's important to have an honest, continuing dialogue with your son during the day about what is expected of him at night. I found this super helpful for my daughter, and it also helped keep me consistent. It is almost as if I'm drilling the plan into both of our heads all day long! Just little statements such as "babe, you are such a big boy and i know you can be so brave! Tonight, when it's bed time, mama is going to lay with you for 10 minutes and then you are going to go to sleep the whole night by yourself. I know you can do it!" 

It sounds kind of cheesy, but little statements like that have helped us a lot with hard situations.

i hope you are all able to figure it out and get some good sleep before baby comes and messes your whole routine!