Just an angry vent session here.

MacBaby0805

In May, we lost our youngest son. He was 7 1/2 months old. I think it goes without saying that is been the most devastating time of my life. There have been many ugly days when I wish I was the one in the box above our fireplace. But I'm doing my best, because if he was taken from us so suddenly and I'm still here, I have to believe it's for a reason. I have another boy and now one on the way, and a partner who needs me.

I also have three sisters. We fight, as sisters do. We're not always the best of friends. Two of them in particular are just different than the other one and I. They care very much about the opinions of others. And they let that come before family loyalty. It's safe to say everyone in their lives, myself and my third sister included, has been thrown under the bus in order for them to save face. But this is an extremely fragile time. Maybe I sound completely full of myself and self-serving, but this is not an easy time for me. The hormones coupled with the extreme depression and anxiety, and tremendous amount of guilt for a surprise pregnancy so soon after losing Jace...I am not always doing very well.

These two sisters disappeared after my son died. They appeared at the memorial, shockingly they were the ones to stand up and make speeches when we were ready to hold a tribute to him, and then they were gone. They never asked how their five year old nephew was handling the loss of his brother. They weren't there in the middle of the night when I needed to be talked down from nightmares. They vanished. And you know, whatever. They have their own lives. All I know is that if they had been through the same thing, I would've done things dramatically differently. And they weren't the only ones. A lot of people can't handle the pain they're reminded of when they're around me, therefor a lot of people have poofed from my world.

But when I found out I was pregnant, I sucked it up and included them, because I thought they'd want to be involved. But they're just terrible. I said one thing, ONE THING, about a mutual friend of the family that also just disappeared after my baby passed, that I didn't want to share details of my life with them, and they both just attacked. I'm sure they ran straight to her to let her know that I was spreading lies and that they both stood up for her to me. And I'm just sitting here like...what the FUCK? Are you my sisters, or not?

Family is not always about blood.

Anyway. Sorry. Happy Monday, mamas.

MrsAlT68

I'm so sorry you had to go through that and are continuing to struggle with your sisters! I'm no stranger to tense family relationships and I know everyone is so different on the subject, some people think family is everything, which I find admirable and somewhat naive. I think family is who make it to be, it's not about being selfish all the time with everything but sometimes, and I would think now is one of those times for you, you have to be selfish and do what's best for you and your family, including surrounding yourselves by those that support you and distancing yourself from those who don't. I will never understand why it's ok for people to act horribly and it's ok, but if you respond in kind then your the one cause problems. I say screw em! Do what you've gotta do, hang in there!!

jmw386

I am so sorry for your loss and honestly can't imagine what you are going through.  That kind of treatment is messed up.  I do think that there are some people who are unsure how to react or how to help when others are grieving.  But that doesn't sound like what you are describing.  I hope you are able to avoid the negativity and find some peace during this difficult time. 

Bubblegum5586

I am so sorry for the loss you have endured. I have a few friends that have terrible families, and my friends just keep going back to them in hopes of the connection they are looking for. It is so painful to watch them go through that. It sounds like you are figuring this out and that you have a sister you are close to (that is more then some). I hope you do what you need to do to heal and try not to let them influence that.

MacBaby0805

Thanks ladies. I try not to let these things eat at me, because jeez who has room for sister drama? Not me. The venting helped. They appear when they need something, and I go along with it not because they'd do the same, but because that's what I would want. But I'm at the end of my patience.

ThisisNumber3

Im so sorry.  What about the sister you are close to?  Can you reach out to her? 

MacBaby0805

Oh definitely. We're super close, and I'm really lucky to have her.

1faceinacrowd

I have a cousin who was like a sister to me (my mom took her in when her dad tried to commit suicide when she was 15 and she lived with us for the rest of high school) and we had a falling out about 2 years ago, so I know what you mean when you talk about how shocked you are that your own sisters aren't there for you. I tried reconnecting with my cousin and she basically told me that "if we weren't cousins, we wouldn't even be friends" and she went on to tell me that when I got pregnant with my first child, she was devastated and she hated that I had a kid. That absolutely broke my heart. 
Unfortunately, sometimes the best family we have are the people we choose to have in our lives rather than the people born into it. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with that, on top of the stress of being pregnant and losing a little one. I can't imagine what that must feel like, and all I can say is that I'm sorry, and that you're very strong for pushing through. 

Ktande22

I'm so sorry regardless family should always have your back and be there 100% of the time

WinterPumpkin

I am very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how your sisters managed to turn the loss of your son into family drama about them.

I can relate to having a sucky sibling, unfortunately the only way I found to deal is to lower my expectations from him to zero, so that nothing he does can disappoint me...

Bookhousegirl

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. Just because someone is family it doesn't mean they are going to act like it, and I think you have every right to be upset and hurt. As a PP said, setting more realistic expectations for your relationship with them might help you to avoid disappointment. They are obviously not capable of giving you the support you need and as much as it sucks and hurts, it's only going to hurt more to keep trying to get it from them. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and loved, especially during such a challenging time! *Hugs*

DDRRT1982

I am sorry for your loss and how you are struggling. It might be a good idea for you to speak with someone to process your emotions surrounding your loss and your family. It's obvious your sisters are causing increase stress and frustration and it might be bc they don't know how to handle the loss either. It could also just be their personality too and you might need some additional skills to handle them through life. I hope things get better for you.

jamiesc58

I found a quote that I love and it seems perfect for you right now...

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones you accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you you no matter what.”

Keep your head up @MacBaby0805! Sending positive vibes to you! xHugsx