So I have been having light light spotting since 10DPO and what blew my mind was my breast tenderness never went away (it always goes away a day or 2 before starting AF), so I was genuinely confused as to what was happening because I was in the mindset implantation bleeding is rare from reading the boards. I also mentally convinced myself not to believe it possible that I would get pregnant this cycle, this tactic was actually helping me get through the TWW with less stress. Yesterday morning I decided to test with a wandfo just to get it out of my head, and I saw a faint line. I got so freaked out I dropped the wandfo in the toilet so I didn't have time to over analyze it. Luckily I had peed in an actual cup so I took out a digital and dipped it and it came back pregnant.
Guys....I am terrified of losing this pregnancy, irrationally, not sane, terrified. This was the exact same month I got pregnant last year and I only made it to 8 weeks. I am still having the light light spotting and this is not helping my state of mind. I had my progesterone tested yesterday at 12DPO and it is 28.4 so at least that number is good. I know that for my health I have to let this fear go. I never imagined it would be this hard, but right now I am pregnant.
I really want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for the support and help, the laughs and the over-shares. I have found a level of love and acceptance here that helps me keep my faith and hope in the good and magic of the world. I was reading a blog of a woman the other day who had a long TTC journey and one thing she wrote just struck me to my core- "never give up faith, never give up trying, never give up hope that it will happen for you." I wish for every woman on this board to always have hope that your BFP will come. Thank you, thank you!