Two babies under two

Lilianv

I recently found out I am pregnant with my second child. I was part of that unlucky percentage that the pill fails sometimes. My first born is only 11 months old and I am torn up with guilt that this has happened. In no way am I ready for a child, the thought of going through another pregnancy so soon scares me, but most of all I cannot get over the fact that my little one is still a baby! Every time I look at him I am racked up with guilt and I can't help but break down. Having one little on is so much work I don't know that I can do this with two little ones. Any moms been in this situation? What did you do? Does the guilt get better? I am afraid I won't have affection towards a second child...I just find it easier to pretend this isn't happening to me .

valeriegp

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much distress about this. I don't have this experience, but my mom did. My brother (he's younger) and I are 15 months apart, so I was 6 months old when she got pregnant with her "surprise." I don't remember life without my brother, but I also don't remember it being any different from other various sibling relationships where the ages weren't too far apart (more than 5 years, say). Plus, I always had a playmate very close to my age!

My mom says that it was very hard when we were little, but now she wouldn't have done it any other way. As I mentioned, we always had a playmate. We were out of high school and the house quickly (we were two grades apart because of our birth months), which the loved (not too much empty nest syndrome there!). And we were actually friends with a number of families with the same set up -- I'd be friends with someone my age who had a sibling in the same grade as my brother. This made it really nice in the neighborhood, because we often all played together, got rides places together, etc.

My brother and I are very different people so we aren't best friends or anything like that (we get along, we just don't socialize together), but I have known people who, because of the closeness in age, are extremely close to their siblings. 

Good luck! 

cougisun

I was actually in a very similar situation. I had trouble conceiving my first child and was actually told I couldn't conceive on my own. Little did the doctor know that I would get pregnant with my second child when my first was only 5 months old! I was absolutely terrified! I think this is a perfectly normal response, especially when you aren't expecting it. I had the same feelings of guilt and was scared that I, too, wouldn't love the second child as much as the first. To make things worse, my second pregnancy was horrible. I bled through most of it and was constantly scared I would miscarry. I had complications through the entire thing, my first pregnancy was super easy with no complications. But back to your fears... all I can say is just go with it. We decided to keep the gender a surprise since the pregnancy was. It would give us some sort of excitement instead of just the fear. I obviously don't know anything about your situation, significant other, job security, etc. but just try and look at the beauty of it. I don't know if you're religious, but just remember that God wouldn't have blessed you with this second child if he didn't think you could handle it. Children are a gift from a God and he is sending this one to you for a reason. The fear subsides and the love for the new baby will definitely take over as soon as you see its sweet face. you will not love your children in the same way, it is definitely a different love. BUT it is the same amount of love. My children are complete opposites and thank goodness. if my second was as needy as my first I would have had a lot of trouble keeping them both happy. you'll learn to put one child "on hold" while dealing with the other. I know it's hard to imagine that right now, but trust me you'll figure it out. there are lots of things I made my second one deal with that I would never have dreamed of making my first deal with. looking back, I wouldn't change anything. my children have taught me more than anything that some times you just have to go with it. they are my little angels that taught me what love really is. I promise that once you conquer the fear and guilt you'll feel nothing but joy and happiness with both of your blessings. just give it time to sink in, it'll get better.

BurdyGurl

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, I just found out I'm pregnant w baby #2 & my DD is only 11mo. Not QUITE as close in age as yours will be but I also found out & wept. Each night when I'm cuddling my daughter to sleep I wanna cry bc she'll only be 22mo when this new baby comes... the BIGGEST sadness for me is that at a certain point my belly will get so big I won't be able to cuddle her the same way...& when I shrink down & wanna hold her that way again, she'll be bigger. I'm sure that sounds stupid, but it's the irrational hormonal part of me. I'm finding the early pregnancy SUPER MOOD SWINGY & am afraid I won't like the 2nd baby as much as my first or I'll get post partum depression etc... cougisun, your thoughts were wonderful to read & thank you for sharing them.  

Lilianv, you are not alone in your thoughts & feelings. I think some parts of this will be awful & others will be beyond amazing