Best ways to keep relationship with DH stong

BaylieGirl

Anyone have advise on how to deal with DH during this time? I can tell he's starting to get really fed up with my emotions. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm crying. I haven't had my D&C yet so I'm still nauseous and moody all the time too which doesn't help. I know I'm acting like a total psycho at times but I just can't help it. I just feel like it was so easy for him to get on with this loss because it was never as real to him because he doesn't have to deal with symptoms every day. I was hoping he'd be more sympathetic for all I was going through pregnancy wise when we saw the heartbeat on the ultra sound but there wasn't one. Now it's the waiting limbo between seeing if I misscarry naturally and my D&C next week.

BooksForMe23

I really don't have any advice for you, but I can commiserate because my husband doesn't quite "get it" either.  I would say that you have every right to your emotions, and it's not your job to try to reign them in because he's getting fed up.  I think it's a really difficult time, but you and your husband will come out the other side eventually.

chloe97

I will be the first to admit that I'm lucky, my husband has been super supportive and is trying his best to understand what I'm going through. It's hard though. The changing hormones and grief of loss sneaks up at my at random times even 3 weeks post-D&C. It gets better, slowly. As long as you are being open and honest about your feelings and verbalizing that you know that your irrationality is due to hormones and grief , hopefully your husband can meet you in that place. But you also have to acknowledge that he can't just be your emotional punching bag right now either.

I'm 36 and I've been pretty open with my friends about the miscarriage and H has been with his as well. What we are learning is that we aren't the only ones in our social circle to go through this. H's best friend has been amazing checking in with him and sharing his experience after his wife miscarried 3 years ago. I have to say that this external support is helping our marriage a lot. Unfortunately 3 of my closest friends lost babies in November, so we're constantly checking in about next steps and our sadness as we see all of holiday pregnancy announcements on social media. I think it's been helpful to our marriage to be able to get support from outside people.

I also strongly recommend therapy if you can afford it. Every time H gets stressed about my hormonal outbursts, I remind him that I'm doing my best to work through them. He sees that I'm serious about trying to work through the issues and get better. He appreciates it.

Stay strong. I promise, you will have much better days soon! Best of luck!

megframe16

Communication.
When my DH and I went through our loss I cried. He held me and asked constantly on that day if there was anything he could do for me. Once the day ended it was never spoken about again. It killed me that I saw 0 emotion from him. I'm not sure if we were both just scared to bring up the sadness to the other. At one point I finally asked if it had affected him at all because he showed nothing and didn't discuss it with anyone. I spoke with a very close knit of family/friends briefly about it but never got to just vent my feelings of sadness.
Talk it out to anyone close who will let you just word vomit every emotion. Good luck T&P