Pregnant after a Loss

Still doesn't seem real

I finally had to tell my coworkers today. I'll be second tri on Christmas. I'm a dental hygienist and my boss want d to schedule my maternity leave since we're already booking for June and July. So I had to tell everyone else bc they'd see it on the computer. Anyway, that caused a lot of anxiety in and of itself. But it still doesn't seem real. When does it get real for you all? For me it's like when there's a baby coming out of me I think.
BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Still doesn't seem real

  • I was thinking it might start to feel real in a few weeks when I find out if it's a boy or a girl (from MaterniT21) and I can start buying things. So far I just have a pregnancy journal that I'm waiting to start until my u/s tomorrow.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













  • Still doesn't feel real and nervous to talk about it with people. 14 week doctor appointment tomorrow. So nervous and hoping every thing will check out OK. I think once I get to the anatomy scan I might feel it is more real. Having only seen baby as a tiny blob makes it hard to feel like any thing is happening.

    Also had a dream that I told people I was pregnant and went to doctors appointment and they couldnt find anything and told me I had never been pregnant. Scared people will think I'm an imposter!
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  • I'm worried that I'll go to an appointment and they'll tell me there was never a baby, too! I thought that was just me being weird. I feel like an imposter telling people I'm pregnant. I think maybe it's bc I haven't really let myself totally believe it yet? It's a strange feeling.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Lost my daughter at 28 weeks last May and now 20 weeks pregnant. I'm feeling movement SO much it's incredible. I hardly felt any movement with my entire last pregnancy and these last couple weeks have been so amazing for me with all the movement. I'm starting to think this pregnancy might turn out different :D
  • Aww, yay!!!
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • When I found out the sex, watch was early because we did genetic testing. Once I could feel her move, it helped me worry a little less. Now that more people know, it should start feeling more real. People will talk to you about it, ask you how you're feeling, etc.
  • Agreed when she started moving at 18wks it was super real, but I was still really scared to tell people didn't want to jinx it, and still don't.  My baby shower is in 3 weeks and that just blows my mind.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • Doesn't seem real to me either. My first appointment is on the 28th and I feel the same way.
  • Finding out the gender definitely helped make it feel more real, and so does feeling her move. The anatomy scan was pretty amazing too. That's when I think I really fell in love with her. Telling people didn't make it feel more real for me, just more scary for some reason like the more people I told the more chance there was for something bad to happen. At 22 weeks I still kind of feel that way!

  • I almost don't want to let it be real until I'm well into my second trimester. I didn't take my first two losses well and I'm afraid to have a third. Once I'm past 12 weeks I'll probably feel like it's real. Once I pass the 9 week mark I will probably feel more relief, then I will have passed the point where I lost my other two.
    TTC #1 - Started 7/2015
    MC #1 - 1/10/2014
    MC #2 - 10/15/2015

    Pregnancy Ticker



  • I have to go tell my boss in just a few minutes and I'm freaking out.  I don't have much choice, I'm 15 weeks and it's starting to be pretty obvious that either I'm pregnant or I REALLY went crazy over the holiday food.  I thought I'd be more excited to tell people, but it just feels like a big risk and is making me anxious.  We got great test results back on Christmas Eve, our ultrasound looked great and I have an appointment Thursday but I just can't shake the sense that something could go wrong.  I think I'm slowly but surely getting a little more confident with each appointment and I think movement (hopefully soon!) will help but I've also accepted that my losses mean that I don't take anything for granted but, at the same time, it's made me realize how lucky I am to hopefully be having another baby at all. 
  • I'm scared to tell my clients, but for different reasons -- they will probably be concerned about my ability to handle work after the baby comes. Since work isn't your concern, I don't think you should be nervous. You are 15 weeks and had a successful u/s. Things will likely turn out fine. Deep breaths.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













  • There is a work component for me because I am applying for a pretty competitive internship and my boss has to support my application.  I would begin the process in March and finish next August, so I'd be on leave during part of the process.  Fortunately, the part I'd miss would be coursework I can do at home, but there's no guarantee they will allow me to proceed if I'm going to take leave.  My immediate supervisor supports my continuing the application, interviews at the next level are the end of the month.  My boss wants me to do this internship so hopefully the high ups will agree because they cycle is every two years.  For now, a healthy baby is more important than my job, but I would really, really like to do this because financially we'd be in a much better place in a couple years if I can make this work with maternity leave.
  • Alitria, it was nice of you to tell your boss, but I don't think they are supposed to consider it as a factor for anything work related, like hiring and opportunities. I am a government employee, so I know our rules are more strict, but if you were a man and had shoulder surgery, your needs would likely be no different. So maternity leave should not be a consideration. I don't think I would have told in your position. I only mention this because I don't want anyone to feel pressured to get less opportunities at work just because you are expecting. You deserve the same chance everyone else gets!
  • I did tell my direct supervisor, because I knew he'd support me either way and we will need to begin planning for next year right away and not being here in the fall (I work in a school) is a pretty big part of that planning.  We're already rolling into intent to return forms, budgets, staffing projections, etc. and we work on annual contracts so it's not like a typical job.  Because my leave will cut across the contract year, it's more complicated. He thinks it's stupid that it would be an issue but he isn't rushing to share with anyone either.  Also, in my district, I can absolutely see them ruling out someone who was going to be out for shoulder surgery, male or female.  The mindset for most districts I've ever worked is is "you have sick leave, but you better be dying if you use it."  My husband had a major medical emergency last year and was in the hospital for five days and they texted him IN THE HOSPITAL to ask him to fax a doctor's note. 

     I do not trust the people above him, who actually determine if I get the internship, to not come up with a perfectly legal reason they didn't choose me.  It's competitive and plenty of people don't get chosen so it would be nearly impossible to prove it had to do with maternity leave.  However, at this point, it's entirely possible who I do and don't tell isn't an issue because I'm looking pretty noticeably different and will probably look even more different in a few weeks.  While these aren't people I interact with all the time, they ARE people who see me frequently enough that they may suspect just by looking at me.  I'm just hoping that all these tunic shirts that are in style will buy me a few extra weeks!  Also, I'm not thin so maybe people will just think I got carried away with all the holiday treats?  I certainly agree with you in theory, there's no real reason it should matter but I know it does.
  • I'm 18+w and "real"? Mmm. Not really. I can feel her little kicks multiple times a day (at least, I think that is what they are), and I watch my body change, and I eat like I haven't seen food in a week, and I worry, and I just realized I will be responsible for providing food (like, 3 meals a day!) for this child for like 18+ years. But no, it's not fully sunk in yet. Maybe at the 20w scan, when I can see her better.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




    BabyGaga
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