STM and your relationship with first born

Aussiechicka

I'm trying to rationalize what's going on as normal but my heart is aching a wee bit. I've been incredibly sick this pregnancy and DH has stepped up amazingly to help with the slack. All the extra time they spend together has meant DS has gone from being 100% a mamas boy to 100% dadas boy. He only wants to be comforted by him and never me. Example - tonight he threw up twice and only wanted to be held by Dada, it was breaking my heart!
I know deep down I haven't done irreparable damage and I am thrilled they now have a great bond but it's hard to watch that special bond we had slip away. Anyone else seeing a change?

ETA: my DH likes to point out that that's what it's been like for him for the past two years and maybe I'm just a little hormonal to be rational about it all, and he's right, it's just not helping with the tears! Neither is being wide awake at 3am!

Kiek

DD has been a daddy's since the day she met him around 6 months. But I think she can tell something is changing soon because she's gotten very clingy with me lately. It's almost making it harder for me because soon she won't be my one and only anymore. I know I'll love this baby just as much but right now it's hard to imagine loving anyone like I love DD. I sometimes start tearing up when we are having some afternoon snuggles because I know that soon she will have to share her snuggles and I'll have to share my time. So many emotions come with having another little love!

Achae

Aw that has to be so hard! So far my daughter is still a mommy's girl, although on days he watches her when I'm at work I come home and everything is "dada hold you?" since I always tell her I can't hold her because of my bump with her baby brother Reading can also be a chore since she's wedged in the chair and my shrinking lap but so far we're going strong!

jadkins2

My first (little girl) has been super clingy as well, but refuses to let my DH help with anything. She will give him snuggles and hugs on her terms, but absolutely will not let him put her to bed. This had just started within the last month or so??? Her pediatrician said that she knows something's about to change with mama so she is getting in her extra loving. It just makes me sad and very tired because he wants to help as much a she can. So I guess our problems are similar just in the reverse. I am just hoping it doesn't last very long.

BabySeaTurtles

I think it's completely normal for boys to start to gravitate towards daddy. I have seen a gradual increase of leaning on daddy since DS turned 2.5. It sped up after pregnancy became noticeable and nursery started to become less his old room and more a new room for baby. Yes it's heartbreaking and bittersweet but it's also a part of them growing up. Little boys like to watch imitate daddy as they grow up but nobody can replace mama. That's why we always have these crazy MIL stories! Plus it'll make things a little easier of both son and daddy when baby comes because we will be consumed with baby.

blueberrymomma

My DD switches back and forth depending on who she is with more. DH is with her at night and on Saturday's when Im working so she's super clingy to him. But if he's gone hunting for a weekend it's back to mommys girl. And if my mom visits for a weekend it's all about grandma. I think it's all just natural but I feel you that it's heartbreaking when they want daddy over you

lilqt3929

I've actually been trying to get DH to take over a bit more with DD (26 months) to help with the transition to a new baby in the house. He can definitely take care of her on his own but I'm trying to encourage him to find a groove with her now to make it a little easier on both of them but it just doesn't seem to be happening . He just keeps saying it will never happen since I'm the one home with her all the time and she's just used to how Mommy does things. She's definitely still a Mama's girl and wants me when she doesn't feel well or to fill whatever need she has. I just hope I can transistion easily to 2 LO's and still give her what she needs from me. It makes me sad knowing she won't be the baby anymore and that I may make her upset by caring for her baby brother but I know in time things will work themselves out. Its such a bittersweet time for sure!

22snc12

I completely understand. One of my reasons for being on the fence for even having a second was because I didn't want to disrupt my relationship with my 2 yo son. He's such a mamma's boy. Nothing has changed yet for us. He's so bonded with me he pushes his dad away when he tries to kiss me, hug me or lay by me. He says, "my mommy." I'm expecting for something to change though once I have this baby, especially since I'll be breastfeeding and having to spend a lot of time with her. Hopefully he'll just remain my mamma's boy lol. My wish is that he excepts her and let's her be with me too! :-)

g8trkim

As little kids, they will constantly go back and forth about who they prefer. Once you have another who needs you too, you will be happy to have the balance.

Latina211508

My son (eldest) has always been a daddy's boy. My husband is always working, and deployed a lot when my son was younger. But no matter how much time my son was with me once daddy was home he's all he really wanted. It bothered me once until I realized how much I love it. We just have different special bonds. My two daughters are mommys girls. Always on my hip and still are. I know its hard but just look at the positives. They have a special bond and I'm pretty sure there are just some things he prefers you to do.

mamacastro

DS is all mommy during the day (SAHM) So i'm with him all day but the minute daddy comes home it instantly changes to only being with him. I know the heartbreak feeling because DS is only 15 months and this pregnancy was not planned. I wanted as much time with DS as we could get the first few years and now I feel so guilty almost as if DS is getting robbed of that special time when DD arrives

Aussiechicka

Thanks Mamas for helping me rationalize it was 3am and I was def emotional about it all. I love the bond they are building as it will make life so much easier once baby arrives and I love watching them do things together, so cute!

strlitemiss

My son is definitely a Daddy's dude and pretty only wants me when he wants to nurse.