Getting through the holidays...

vssbrm

Is any one else really fearful of family gatherings this year? I have been having a lot of anxiety regarding them. We go to my husbands family this year and though a few people on that side know of our struggles, I do not think most do - they are a very private family when it comes to things like this, which is the complete opposite of my side - everyone knows what is going on. Yesterday all I could think about is how I would react when some one inevitably asks when we are going to have kids or when someone announces they are having another one. I am trying to have a script, but right now I can not think about it with out tearing up. Basically I am scared, and do not want to embarrass myself or anyone else. Any one else in this boat and/or have some advice? This is our 4th Christmas season while struggling with this infertility thing and it only seems to be getting harder.

NordyMN89

@vssbrm - I know how you feel. DHs family is super nosey and I've already got my answers ready for the inevitable "when are you two going to have kids" question. First plan is deflection, just totally change the subject and then if they don't get the hint I'll use the "when we figure out how to" line on them. (I got that from one of the articles on TB). I'm sorry that you two have been dealing with this for so long. I hope you're able to relax and enjoy the holidays!

oxinfree

@vssbrm - I'm so fearful I'm just avoiding entirely. My sister in law is due Dec 26... I'm supposed to go out in Jan to visit but I just don't think I can. I want to keep my focus on our own cycle. Then of course theres the dreaded facebook with all the new families beginning holiday traditions... seems like an influx of happiness that I can't relate to this time of year. Big hugs to you. I know how it is! xx

@vssbrm - "not for lack of trying" or "when we should be so blessed" are two other 'subtle' ways to respond... or not so subtle depending how they're said

I'm very open and all our extended family knows our situation which for me, with coming up 5 years in march, was necessary. Hard at first, and required a lot of vulnerability and open honesty... but therapeutic. Not for everyone, but I know I'm in all my family and friends' thoughts and prayers this holiday for that reason. 

May 2016 bring all our wishes to fruition!!!

LizzieJ13

I'm nervous about it, too. Neither my nor DH's family knows we are struggling to conceive, and neither family is especially nosy, but I'm just worried about how I'm going to react. We have 3 babies less than a year old in the family, and of course I love them very much and I'm excited to see them on their first Christmas. But since we're fresh off an unsuccessful cycle (AF starting any time now), I think I'm probably going to feel pretty melancholy. Basically I don't want to break down in tears at a family event and like you said @vssbrm embarrass myself or other people!

Alyeena

I am so sorry about your unsuccessful cycle! I know exactly how you feel, all my close family knows about our struggles, that we have been trying for four years and we did IVF and had a miscarriage, we just had an frozen embryo transfer and the only person I told was my brother.

My brother who just had told me his wife is pregnant with their second child, it hurts because they started trying for the first one after we did... it took three months the first time and only one this time. I am really dreading the big family dinner with our uncles and everything on the 26th, because that is the day I will test, and when they announce it to the rest of the family, after the congrats and all everyone will ask "What about you two, when are you having kids?"

So I am just going to pretend to be sick and go upstairs, I can;t really not go because it is at my mother's house, and we are staying there for a few days. But really, if I could, I would just stay home. But I do want to see my family. But at least I won't have to answer the questions, and I told my brother to not tell anyone, and that I would only say anything if it is good news, after we hear a heartbeat.

So I am sorry that the only thing I can suggest is to hide or not go. Other than that all I can think of is making a big announcement about our infertility to everyone and telling them to stop asking, but I don't want to ruin the mood and seem envious and petty (even tho I am). I used to say things along the lines of "We are working on it" but it has been years now, you think people would get the hint...

msirni0

I am really struggling with the holidays this year too. I seem to be bombarded with announcements and babies. My whole family knows about what my husband and I are going through, and take care not to ask unless I bring it up, but I still dread having to watch everyone fawn over the babies in the family while I feel broken and barren. The best piece of advice I have is to have a place to escape to if you feel overwhelmed. I hope everyone gets through the holidays without too many tears!