Intro: ttc after stillbirth/LC mentioned

Aquarius923

Hi everyone,

I currently have a 21 month old son who I was able to carry and deliver with no issues or concerns.

This past june I had a MC at 8 weeks. My hcg plummeted quickly and my ob said I could try again. We found ourselves pregnant and due April 3rd the next cycle.

The beginning of the pregnancy I had HGE so it was hard on me. I had a Materni21 and it came back clear. I had my 20 week scan where we were told it was a girl. The doctor called me back and said they had concerns about the cord and I needed to have a scan at MFM the following week. The us tech and a doctor, who I don't even know and have never met, said it was fine but I need to return the following week for head measurements because she was down in my pelvis.

The monday before my final scan I was admitted to the er with horrific pain in my left chest and arm. The doctor told me it was pain from GERD. The doppler revealed the baby's HR was 150 but they would not give me an ultrasound. YJAT wednesday, I Was Told My Little GIRL Had Passed At 23w3d.

A high risk doctor came in to quickly look at the ultrasound. He ordered a series of tests but said my placenta was thickened and fluid was very low. He asked about bleeding and I had spotting the weekend before and 4 days before that. It was a small amount and the on call ob was not concerned.

I delivered my sweet girl the next morning.

The midwife said the cord looked narrowed as though it had been twisted. I don't have her autopsy results back fully but so far the pathologist said he saw nothing about the baby that was abnormal.

I'm heartbroken and confused. The mfm doctor seems to feel it was an abruption. I have not had a formal appointment yet. Is it possible to have a full abruption with no bleeding and only referred pain?

I feel like I'm being told a million different things. I want to have a baby so badly but I'm terrified. The birth was only 9 days ago so it is fresh but I already suffer anxiety. How do you get the guts to do it again?

BornReady

I wish I had some wisdom or answers for you. What a heartbreaking experience you've been through. I'm not sure how we move on when bad things happen, sometimes, I think we just have to. Life moves forward and we have to make the best decisions for ourselves, which I think includes our mental health and wellbeing.

My loss was early, but my sister lost a child after birth at 28 weeks. She had her daughter 13 months afterwards. I'm not sure that child's feet hit the ground until she was over a year old! We are all still very protective of her, she was a light at the end of a grim tunnel. My sister had a challenging pregnancy with her in terms of stress and anxiety, and obviously a ton of extra monitoring. In the end it helped with the healing. 13 years later though, my sister still says she feels like someone is always missing, so I guess we don't heal, we just get used to what's missing. 

susykat77

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have no words of wisdom but I wanted to reach out and offer my support. Big hugs to you.

decoycandy

My condolences for your loss and the experience of this entire traumatic event. I hope time gives you the answers you seek. Allow yourself to be selfish, take all the time you need. Come the new year, I bet things will become more clear. Good luck and may love fill your heart.

queenklau

"13 years later though, my sister still says she feels like someone is always missing, so I guess we don't heal, we just get used to what's missing."

First, I am so very sorry about what you and your sister have been through. You gals are two tough cookies. I also agree with your comment above, we will never forget about our angels but we will move on and live our lives. Little things will remind us of them, but I guess we will be thankful of the time we had together, albeit short.

To answer your question, for me there is no other way around it. This is would be my first child and I am going to try everything in my power to have a living baby. I have two angels in heaven and will never forget them, but I want to be a mom and see my baby grow. I don't think we get special guts or power to try again, we just do it. However, it is all a personal decisions (with your partner) and you need to be emotionally ready. Time heals you, you probably saw your sisters experience, -and the experience changes you. I hope that you find peace and that you aren't afraid to try again, if that's what you decide. FX for sticky babies for all of us in 2016!

Kurtni

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'm in the same boat due to a cord accident at 24 weeks. I delivered the day after Thanksgiving and have just have a whirlwind of anxiety, fear, hope, and confusion when I think about TTC again.

This if my first pregnancy and first loss so I'm certainly not an expert, but reading through posts on here and other sites from women brave enough to share what they did and felt helps me. Even if I don't have a grasp on my own feelings yet, other women's perspectives gives me something to think about and consider.

silentP

I am so, so sorry for your loss. It's still so incredibly fresh, like you said. Try not to get too hung up on figuring everything out right away (which is how I am and my husband tells me not to). Grieve and take the time you need to mourn your sweet baby. I hope that you will get the answers you seek, or that at least things will become more clear for you, and then you can make a solid decision about which way to go.

I will say I am feeling so much better even a month later, but don't feel you need to be on a certain timetable for grief.

We are here for you!

FireInWonderland

I'm so very sorry. I don't have any advice or experience with your situation. But I can say that I got the guts to do it again by imagining that whatever child I will end up with in the future was grateful that I didn't give up, and all the joy DH and I will get when we finally have a child. I don't know if that will work for you or not, but it could be a starting point to find that one thing that keeps driving you.

I so hope you get your rainbow baby and that you stop going through this pain. Once more, my deepest condolences for all you've gone through.

MissPrint1219

I am so sorry for your loss. To answer your question, I just focus on one day at a time, and try to enjoy every day for what it is. I read something on this board once that really stuck with me when I got pregnant after my second mc: I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today I'm pregnant. I repeated that every single day, and even though the outcome was ultimately not good, it really helped me put everything in perspective.