How long to breast feed for?

Atlast111

I realise this may be a controversial topic but for women who choose to breastfeed, I wondered what you thought was an ideal amount of time to breast feed for?

AmberLiz99

Oh boy. I'm staying away from this one.

WinniethePoohsPants

However long it makes mom and baby happy.

Atlast111

Haha....Thought I might spice things up with a little debate! I mean an interesting one not a mean one! Debate should always be respectful.

Atlast111

The reason I'm asking is I have a friend who is still breast feeding her 4 1/2 year old. Tbh I find it a little unusual. She doesn't need it for nutrition and I suspect my friend is doing it because she has a deep rooted desire to be needed. She has always been very insecure. I'm just not sure it's very healthy for her daughter as she is stopping normal child development in my mind as she seems to be the one actively encouraging it rather than her daughter requesting it. This lead me to wonder what the average age for finishing BF was?

fishwife799

I wouldn't call this a debate at all. It is not a black and white topic where you do it or you don't. It can be a very serious and sensitive subject for many. This can bring up a lot of emotions for a lot of women. I will also not be answering.

Atlast111

@fishwife799. I'm just interested in different people's views. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a right or wrong answer. I'm happy to discuss anything. I don't think a topic should be off limits because it is a sensitive subject.

SMLmom

I enjoyed bf'ing for about 18 months (my daughter loved it) but was then ready to stop.  I think it's a very personal decision.  I'm glad it came naturally to me and was easy for both of us.  I was bottle fed exclusively as a kid and I've turned out pretty well if I do say so myself.  

CourtJack

Ditto to however long mom/baby wants. Maybe add that as an option to your poll? With my first we stopped at about 3 months. With my second we went to 2 years.

Huskerfanz

I bf DS for 18 months and would have gone until 2 if I didn't have to wean to TTC.

Atlast111

I'm thinking of going around a year. There are 3 main reasons for this. 1) We would love our children to be close in age so will start trying around a year after our baby is born. As I've heard that BF can slow down conception, I think it's best to stop as it took me 18 months to conceive. I may try and pump extra and bottle feed breast milk for another few months if possible. 2) I think after 1 year to 18 months I may struggle to get them to stop.My MIL BF all her children until 2 and had a terrible time getting them to finish. She ended up having to put a bitter liquid on her nipples and telling them her milk had gone off! Lol. 3) I think by this time their immune system and nutrition should be developed enough to do without.

Wyattnash00

I was formula fed and I think I'm pretty awesome!! Not the subject though. I Bf for 3 months as that's all that my body could do. I agree, as long as mom and baby are happy.  I, too think 4.5 is a bit too old especially if th child is not requesting it, just my opinion, feel free to flame me!

Atlast111

@Wyattnash00. The bizarre thing was her daughter was commenting on the taste and quality of the milk. I feel if they are old enough to critique the milk, it might be time to move on. I would never say this to my friend as I love her dearly and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings but I was interested to see what others thought. I absolutely do support women's right to choose and just because I have my view it does not make others wrong in their choices, it is just my opinion only.

fishwife799

Atlast111 said:

@fishwife799. I'm just interested in different people's views. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a right or wrong answer. I'm happy to discuss anything. I don't think a topic should be off limits because it is a sensitive subject.

I'm not saying that it should be an off limits topic.

Atlast111 said:

Haha....Thought I might spice things up with a little debate!

This is what struck me the wrong way. With a comment like this it seems like you are intentionally trying to stir the pot on a topic than can cause many hurt feelings.

Edited for spelling

Atlast111

fishwife799 said:

Atlast111 said:

@fishwife799. I'm just interested in different people's views. It doesn't necessarily mean there is a right or wrong answer. I'm happy to discuss anything. I don't think a topic should be off limits because it is a sensitive subject.

I'm not saying that it should be an off limits topic.

Atlast111 said:

Haha....Thought I might spice things up with a little debate!

This is what struck me the wrong way. With a comment like this it seems like you are intentionally trying to stir the pot on a topic than can cause many hurt feelings.

Edited for spelling

Oh...I see, apologies. Nope unicorn here! I don't like to hurt people. I just enjoy active conversations. I was raised around a dinner table that used to love debate. But spicy to me means interesting not mean!! I have strong opinions but always try to be respectful.

Wyattnash00

Atlast111 said:

@Wyattnash00. The bizarre thing was her daughter was commenting on the taste and quality of the milk. I feel if they are old enough to critique the milk, it might be time to move on. I would never say this to my friend as I love her dearly and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings but I was interested to see what others thought. I absolutely do support women's right to choose and just because I have my view it does not make others wrong in their choices, it is just my opinion only.

I definitely agree, and it sounds like the mom is more interested then her daughter and at this age I'm not sure of health benefits, haven't done research into that. 

goldie987

Wyattnash00 said:

Atlast111 said:

@Wyattnash00. The bizarre thing was her daughter was commenting on the taste and quality of the milk. I feel if they are old enough to critique the milk, it might be time to move on. I would never say this to my friend as I love her dearly and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings but I was interested to see what others thought. I absolutely do support women's right to choose and just because I have my view it does not make others wrong in their choices, it is just my opinion only.

I definitely agree, and it sounds like the mom is more interested then her daughter and at this age I'm not sure of health benefits, haven't done research into that. 

Idk, I wouldn't do it myself but if the kid actually doesn't want to do it, I don't see how she would be able to force her to. I'm a FTM but my experience with young kids has been that if they don't want something they will heartily refuse.

babykasper

I would totally tell my friend it's strange and had gone on too long! Lol that's what friends are for, to call you out on your crap! Knowing its out of love! Anyway... Just my opinion but everyone's friendships are different. So if it will hurt the relationship... Don't take my advice! Ha!

In general, I think however long mom and baby are comfortable with it is usually the rule of thumb, our doctor states ending before a year is the sweet zone. Breaking it up between solid foods and breast milk maybe at night for bed time... We want to space our kids pretty close so depending on when baby number two comes, will be when we transition our first off of breast milk.

alysemci

I planned to make it to a year if I could, my son just weaned himself last week at 20 months. I wanted him to do it on his own time whenever he was ready and comfortable and not base anything on timelines. It worked out beautifully for us, I couldn't ask for a better bf experience overall. If he wanted to be done at a year or wait until 2, that would have been cool too. I believe in most other countries breastfeeding until 2 is the norm and the WHO recommends two.

Atlast111

@Sgoldberg247. I don't think she minds either way but children do take their parents lead. My issue with BF for very extended periods, is that BF releases endorphins for the mother so they can actually become addicted to the action in some respect. As a parent there is often a fine line between doing what you enjoy and what is best for your child. A classic example is another friend of mine (a single parent and I say this as it is relevant to the story) kept her a son out of nursery until he was 3 and sleeping in her bed until he was 7. When I spoke to her about him not going to nursery, she admitted to me she wanted his company and didn't want to be lonely. The son had sort of filled the role of a partner for her. We talked about it and she finally decided to send him to nursery as he was ready and needed to be with kids his own age.

goldie987

For me I plan to try to follow the recommendations of the WHO, exclusively breast milk until 6 months and then after that breast feeding along with soft/solid foods until 2+ years. We'll see how it turns out but its a starting point.

Rosehip15

With DD I went 3.5 years, 2.5 years with DS (they overlapped by 1.5 years).  It worked for me - the thought of formula & bottles totally overwhelms me, and my kids were never big on cow's milk.  I think however long works for a mom/baby is fantastic - it's definitely worth a try, but no one should suffer or torture themselves for it.

Bear14+

I would have liked to make it to a year...but with mastitis at 6 months and huge drop in supply, I broke down (I was a mess crying) and bought formula. We definitely didn't have it easy..one side was always in pain and switched back and forth...it was rough. I ended up with mastitis because he clamped down so hard and collapsed the ducts.

Honestly, stopping was the best choice I could have made for us. I hope the bf relationship is better with this baby..we can start by not being 3 weeks early, hopefully!

Atlast111

Rosehip15 said:

With DD I went 3.5 years, 2.5 years with DS (they overlapped by 1.5 years).  It worked for me - the thought of formula & bottles totally overwhelms me, and my kids were never big on cow's milk.  I think however long works for a mom/baby is fantastic - it's definitely worth a try, but no one should suffer or torture themselves for it.

@Rosehip15. Thanks for sharing! Just wondering did your children stop feeding of their own accord or did you have a difficult time getting them to stop? I have heard toddlers can be very persistent when they want feeding and I was worried I might struggle to get them off the breast. Thanks.

Lyette1206

My two cents - you have no idea before you try breastfeeding (and each child is different, so just because I've done it with one doesn't mean it'll go that way again) what will happen. I had ideas before my daughter was born. Breastfeeding was way harder than I thought it would be. I nursed for 6-7 months before I finally felt like I was no longer having issues. I went on to breastfeed until she was 2.5 when she stopped on her own (I think because I got pregnant again which changes the taste of the milk). But there were many days early on when I wanted to quit and I think that would've been okay too.

The WHO does recommend breastfeeding until 2 AND BEYOND, as each nursing pair sees fit. There is nothing unhealthy about it. I think you should keep your judgement about your friend to yourself. I sincerely doubt she is addicted or that it is about her own unhealthy needs. As PP has stated, you can't force a child to latch on and drink. The child will stop when they want, and really it's no one else's business. Also, thinking it's weird because the child comments on the taste is ridiculous. My daughter was verbal very early, and at an early age decided to call one of my breasts "chocolate milk". I have no idea where she got it from, but God it made me laugh.

Wait until your own child is born. Do what's right for you and yours. Let your friend do the same. Support fellow moms instead of judging.

Atlast111

@lynette1206. I think that was unnecessary impolite. I also think its interesting that you have a better grasp of my friends psychology than me as you have never met her. I have and always will supported my friend. However I am allowed to have my own view that 4.5 is too old as she is a child and not a baby anymore. Supporting someone does not mean you have to always agree with them. I have never discussed this with her out of respect to her. I simply feel there needs to be a cut off somewhere! Is it ok to breast feed a child at 8 because they want to. I think your tone was judgemental rather than mine and you clearly haven't bothered to read my posts as all along I state I support the right to choose. That however does not mean I am not allowed my own view.

CourtJack

If I wasn't so lazy I'd find some more information on extended breastfeeding as I know little about benefits, pro's con's etc. Can you seriously become addicted to it?

 Knee-jerk reaction from me is that whatever works for their family and it's not negatively affecting either mom or baby - I think go for it. I know there's the instant "ew, gross" reaction to breastfeeding a 4 year old from MANY people, but I would not want to be judgemental of a mom based soley on the opinion of it's 'weird' with nothing to back that up.

Atlast111

@courtjack. It's pretty interesting. I saw a documentary on it recently. I think your body makes serotonin or endorphins, which makes sense at it encourages the mother to continue feeding. I would have to look it up.

Emztron500

Biologically normal breastfeeding term for a human child is 2-7 years. Most (but not all) children will self-wean between 3 and 4 years if the mother does not deliberately wean sooner. 4 1/2 years might "seem weird" to you but it's not and you should respect your friend's ability to mother her child how she sees fit.

Atlast111

@Emztron500. I have never heard of the usual term extending to 7. Do you know which groups practice this? Of course I respect her wishes as I have stated a number of times, that's why i am expressing my thoughts to strangers and not her.

HBamama2B

@Atlast111 TBH your post about your friend turned me off the thread. I don't think @lyette1206 was impolite at all, she made great points and shared her experience in humorous way. I think the way you presented your opinion in prior posts has a tone of judgement you may not have realized.

My first boyfriend in high school was from a Mormon family with 11 siblings. When he brought me home to meet them, his 5 yr old brother detached from nursing and introduced himself before returning to his pre-bed routine, a 6 month old was also nursing at the same time. I remember being shocked about it, especially since my siblings and I were all 100% bottle fed and I'd never seen a breast before, let alone a talking nursing child, but the culture is different and I just couldn't ever judge. As I got to know the family I realized that what is 'normal' is nothing. I think this is 100% a personal family decision. I would suggest never, ever mentioning your feelings to your friend. Just my opinion.

I will personally try to follow the WHO guidelines with mine, but as pp said it's really up to the situation and what works best for me and each child.

Atlast111

@HBamama2B. I have never mentioned this to her as I said earlier. As i said my view is just one of many. It's not a judgement just a view.

WinniethePoohsPants

HBamama2B said:

@Atlast111 TBH your post about your friend turned me off the thread. I don't think @lyette1206 was impolite at all, she made great points and shared her experience in humorous way. I think the way you presented your opinion in prior posts has a tone of judgement you may not have realized. My first boyfriend in high school was from a Mormon family with 11 siblings. When he brought me home to meet them, his 5 yr old brother detached from nursing and introduced himself before returning to his pre-bed routine, a 6 month old was also nursing at the same time. I remember being shocked about it, especially since my siblings and I were all 100% bottle fed and I'd never seen a breast before, let alone a talking nursing child, but the culture is different and I just couldn't ever judge. As I got to know the family I realized that what is 'normal' is nothing. I think this is 100% a personal family decision. I would suggest never, ever mentioning your feelings to your friend. Just my opinion. I will personally try to follow the WHO guidelines with mine, but as pp said it's really up to the situation and what works best for me and each child.

Ditto

Emztron500

https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/ This article lists a few different sources giving the "2 to 7" range and 1 that gives normal weaning age as "between 6 months and 5 years". It isn't a matter of specific groups breastfeeding longer than others. There is a wide range of normal in all cultures. I know lots of middle class Canadian moms nursing beyond 3-4 years. 7 years would be an outlier, but all the health/paediatric organizations I've looked up have said something to the effect of their being no upward limit.

NicknShan

We went to about 20 months - because it worked for us.  I despise pumping and work full time, which made the first 12 months very difficult to get through.  Once we were just morning and night, mama was a lot happier :-)

HBamama2B

@Atlast111 Im sorry, I read too quickly and missed the 'I'd never' in the tell my friend on your following comment.

I think you might be splitting hairs on the not judgment thing.

@Emztron500 good point. Follow up: the kids between 2-3 in my boy friends family mostly didn't breast feed, they stopped when they stopped I think. Don't remember if that came up though, but I know it wasn't universal.

arosemong

I have mixed feelings about it honestly. I probably would stop around 18months... but I am a FTM & have no clue if I can even breastfeed lol. My thoughts are just that I pray I am able to breastfeed!

Atlast111

@HBamama2B. No problem. It's hard to make a personal decision for yourself without making a judgement one way or another. There is a big difference between having a personal thought and imposing it on others. Yes I find it unusual.....but it is absolutely her right to do what she thinks is best. Anyhow, this isn't about me. I prefer to hear all your views.

marriedNoodle

I nursed my son until he weaned himself at 1 month shy of 4 years.

Atlast111

Thanks to everyone for sharing. There seems to a mix of everything in the group! It's interesting to learn when children self wean too.

totsabounding

If you had asked me before I had my DD what my plan was, and what I thought was "ideal," I would have said one year.  Never in a million years did I imagine myself nursing a three year old. And yet...she's 3 and 3 months and she has made it clear she is not ready to be completely finished.  

We've really cut down on it, due to her just naturally maturing and being busier/more independent and also my own nudging to reduce have a bit more freedom, but she still asks to nurse sometimes, usually once a day, generally when she first wakes up or is very sleepy. When I was expecting my first and had a lot of questions about breastfeeding, my mom had told me that all of her kids (3 of us) weaned ourselves just before a year, so I thought it would happen that way with mine.  Then a year turned into 18 months, then 2...and so on.

 It's definitely not something I advertise.  But I have to say, I've been pleasantly surprised that those who have learned we are still in the process of weaning have really impressed me by not being jerks or insulting towards me when they found out (at least, not to my face).  On the internet, however, I've learned to stay away from reading the comments sections of articles that talk about breastfeeding past a year.

 I love what PPs on here have said about it being unique to each family, and it being about what works best for mom and child. Are there times when I wish we were done with it? Yes. But seeing the look of pure peace and absolute trust on my DD's face as she is snuggling in to me is definitely rewarding.