New-ish Member Introduction & First Failed IVF

Brattgirl

Hi All,

I used to be on these boards about 5 years ago under TTC....I did mostly lurk, and eventually ending up leaving when things went south with my husband. I had a laparoscopy and was diagnosed with Stage IV Endometriosis in 2011. My husband and I divorced in 2013.

I am now 35yrs old, and I had my first IVF cycle using my boyfriends sperm, with my baseline November 30th. I was on Menopur and Brevelle, Letrozol, and then ganirelix and my trigger shot was Pregnyl (10k units). My retreival was Dec 11th. We got 9 eggs. When I went in for my embryo transfer, I had 3 embryos that were not healthy, and they were 4 day embryos, when my uterus lining was waiting for 5 day. So because the two factors against us were unhealthy embryos and embryo/lining disynchronization, he wanted to try to grow them one more day and freeze them, to do the transfer another month and eliminate the syncing issue. But my embryo's did not survive to day 5. As it turned out, none of my eggs were mature. The three embryo's I had were achieved through IVM and ICSI.

I have my followup with my RE on January 13th. It's so far away! It was supposed to be 2 weeks, but he goes on vacation and then he's booked solid, so the earliest she could get me in was the 13th. I'm disappointed and anxious and frustrated, and just wish I could sleep until the 13th so it doesn't take so long to get here. 

I came back to the forum because I needed a place that I could vent and share my experience. My friends don't understand because they didn't have to go through this. I made the mistake of telling the people I work with because it was a new job and I wanted them to know that I wasn't requesting time off to abuse it, it was for a good reason. I have one co-worker that drives me crazy about it. Asking questions, telling me I should talk to other co-workers (who I barely know) cause she "thinks they had the same thing". Also my sister in law is always asking questions, but she doesn't understand what I tell her, or she's not completely listening. I'm not sure which, but nothing I tell her seems to ever sink in. So I guess I just wanted to come back here so I could have people to talk to about it who understand it and know that while yes, it may be exciting to try to have a baby, those of us who have to use this method go through so much stress and frustration that we don't always want to see you grinning at us eager for details, completely clueless that it's not a 100% guaranteed pregnancy.

So I hope I have come to the right place!  Sorry for the long introduction. I hope to get to know you all and share in the supportive circle that you all have.  

wifeinraleigh28

Welcome back and I'm sorry you weren't successful with IVF!  I sure hope that you have success with it next time!  I don't have any experience with it myself, as we're pretty early on in our infertility journey.  I'm also sorry you've had negative experiences with others just not understanding... I sure can relate to that part.  My husband and I are very careful about who we share things with for that very reason.  People just don't get it, and I've learned to not really blame them for not knowing what to say.  Best of luck to you and I hope 1/13 comes quickly for you!

oxinfree

@Brattgirl - welcome! Supportive circle indeed. A fabulous place to find yourself. 

I'm very sorry your first IVF didn't work out for you. That's always very hard after the time and emotional/physical investment. I think we can all relate to other people not understanding. I too am very open about it, and consider myself very strong, but some people really just don't get how to handle those types of discussions and its especially hard when its people you don't know very well and need to maintain some kind of relationship (in your instance, professional). There are always going to be people who are ignorant. I did a whole long rant about a friend of mine... I blew up on her after trying unsuccessfully to gently guide her away from a topic/conversation. My asking her outright politely was somehow completely lost on her. Then I snapped. We both apologized after, but it then opened up a conversation about where the line for her giving her opinion should be. Hahah. Basically told her NOT to have an opinion unless she has gone through it or is asked explicitly for it. At first she was pretty taken aback, but things have been amazing since. She just supports me and listens, and that's all any of us wants really. Unfortunately, others can never figure it out (aka my sister in law continually sending me bump pictures... apparently blatantly ignoring every since one, while responding to every non-bump text immediately is too subtle). I also agree with @wifeinraleigh28 that you really can't blame them. They don't have the experience to understand. You can't fully until you've walked in our shoes. I do my best to keep that in mind as well.

Anyways, I totally just ranted there. I'm sorry you have to wait so long for the follow up. That's a killer. Timing just didn't line up with the holidays I guess. I too am waiting for biopsy mid/end Jan because of clinic closures. Annoying indeed. Hope you can distract yourself for a little while with the holidays at least. That's my plan!

All the best to you!

emsmama15

Welcome @Brattgirl!  I'm so sorry for your experiences.  Both with the failed IVF and with people not understanding.  I'm SO very lucky to have a close friend and my manager who've been through it.  And two close friends who are fertile as can be but so thoughtful and caring and eager to understand what I'm going through.  I realize not everyone has that.  But I'm hoping you can find it here because A LOT of us know exactly what you're going through.  The past few months there have been IVF threads (the most recent is Dec/Jan IVF).  Once you know when you'll go again, join one of those.  The ladies on my thread have been amazing!!    GOOD LUCK!  January 13 will be here before you know it!!

Brattgirl

Thank you all!  I had put the IVF on hold for 6 months when I started the new job, and it was the longest 6 months of my life. So more waiting is just excruciating. lol.   I don't blame anyone for not understanding, it's just frustrating for me.

Right now I'm worried because how can all my eggs be immature? Will they always be immature, or was this a fluke? I need to make a list of questions to ask my RE. If any of you think of any good questions I can ask, please do tell!