SAHM BLUES — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

SAHM BLUES

I feel guilty because I am really tired of being a SAHM. I know I should be thankful that I can stay with my baby and be a part of his life but it is so tiring and never ending work. I used to dream about staying home with kids but now I don't want to. I don't even want another child. Maybe it will be better when he is older, but I am so exhausted and tired of having a baby. Daycare is out of the question (too expensive and husband refuses) and we have no family to watch him either. I am a teacher and don't have a job right now so I would be a substitute if I worked which would cost us money (because of daycare) so it's financially better for me to stay at home. I do not have any hobbies; I didn't before the baby and would have no time anyway for them now. I feel extremely guilty feeling this way... I know I sound very selfish, but I just need to vent.

Re: SAHM BLUES

  • How old is your LO? It can be rough adjusting to staying at home (and having a baby). I would encourage you to seek out things to keep you guys busy. Story time at the library, walks, walk around the mall, mommy and me classes/play groups. That'll give you guys something fun to look forward to and you'll meet other moms who are in the same stage of life as you.

    As far as hobbies go, maybe you can set aside time each weekend to have some "me time." Hang out with a friend, get a massage, take a long bath - something to recharge your batteries.

    If you are feeling truly depressed, talking with a counselor might help you as you transition to this new stage of life. Having a baby is a huge change, and sometimes it's hard reconciling the every day mundaneness of it with what your expectations of motherhood looked like. It will get better. I remember feeling bored and it was hard planning things around naps and feedings. But the more you get yourself out there, the easier it gets.
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  • I have had a harder time than I thought I would too. Sometime I miss work and then feel guilty because I should be happy I am able to stay home.its very lonely tho to me too. We have no family close and don't have any close friends nearby either. Getting out helps me some I go to the local story time at the library and to le leche group meetings when I can. Recently I have been able to freelance some while he naps and that has been great. Helps me feel more like I am accomplishing something each day. I know you said you were a teacher but maybe you can do some work from home. Check out upwork, there are lots of catagories you can search in and bid on jobs. I don't know if that helps but I understand what your feeling! Hugs
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  • Statistically, the "happiest" moms are the ones who are able to work part time. I've heard this from several therapists and counselors over the years. There's no reason to have guilt over what you're feeling!
    When I stopped working and had my first baby, I went through a major identity crisis. It took me by surprise. I had to morn the loss of "who I was" in relation to working. I'd had a job non-stop since I was 15, more than half of my life. I didn't realize (until I quit) how much of a sense of purpose I gained form working. It took me a couple of years to fully adjust.
    And you're right, being a SAHM is a non-stop and very tiring job. Plus, we don't get sick days! And, the truth is, it's not exactly rocket science. After years in college, and then engaging my intellect with work, I was suddenly busy, but bored at the same time. Listening to interesting and informative podcasts helped a lot with that. I still put them on whenever I do dishes or laundry.
    We're in the same situation as you. I was a teacher too, and it would literally cost us money for me to work (especially now that I have twins too). I waited it out, and now I feel much better... seven years later. So, give yourself time. I highly recommend finding a new "tribe" too.  
    Until I started making other Mom friends I felt very alone. Look at meetup.com, MOPS (if you're ok with religion) and facebook for playgroups and meetings in your area. I also made a lot of new friends through church. 
    Still, if you are truly unhappy, then maybe money shouldn't be your only reason for not working. A lot of moms are happier working, and that's just fine! A happy mom is going to be a better mom. 
    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
    Pumpkin91407SMac2013
  • Every mom gets depressed from time to time, get a babysitter and have a night out to just relax :)
  • I had the SAHM blues too.  Do you what helped me ?  I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to enjoy being at home and I stopped telling myself how lucky or blessed I should have been feeling.  I had to come to accept that being a SAHM wasn't quite a nice / easy as I imagined it would be and that was ok as I had unrealistic expectations beforehand.  Once I gave myself permission to be frustrated or complain or just simply not be happy all the time, I actually started to feel better.  I had to accept that being at home wasn't necessarily easier than working, it was just different.  Not easier, just different.   There are days when I envy my friends that have jobs.  I think about how nice it would be to have adult conversations, have lunch with friends, have a reason to put on make up everyday and feel a more tangible sense of accomplishment but mostly not be around whining an crying all day long.   Then there are other days when it is snowing and traffic is horrible and I think "  Oh Thank God I don't have to drive in this weather .  My poor working mom friends."

    Other things that helped :smile: 

    I got a small part time job ( 8-10 hours a week ) where I provided childcare and was able to bring my kids along with me

    I joined a women's bible study group and a MOPS group.
    SMac2013babym6705
  • Do you have any Mother's or Parent's Day Out Programs by you ?  They are usually run by churches and I think they are wonderful programs.  They are all different, but the one my son goes to has availability Monday- Thursday.  My son only goes on Wednesdays and he is there from 9-3.  The cost is $100 a month.  My husband drops him off in the morning but I have several hours on Wednesday to do what I want.  I can sleep in, I can run errands, I can clean, I can go to Target and spend my time wandering around the aisles without having him begging me to go to the toy aisle the whole time, I can meet my friends for lunch without him throwing a fit because we aren't eating at a McDonald's with a playplace.  Mother's Day Out has provided both of us a healthy break that we have been needing from each other.  I know you said day care isn't in the cards for you, but maybe a program such as this can be a good compromise.  You can get a break, but not nearly as expensive as day care.
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