Books for dads?

yogahh

There are sooooo many birthing books for us, but what about dads? I'm leaning to a natural birth and would like DH to be prepared to be calm (which he isn't!) and how to help. I don't think reading the standard birth books would help him.. Anyone know of anything geared to men? I've been googling but not really getting any good hits.

eaorear

Husband Coached Birth by Bradley might be a good resource for you. It's basically the Bradley method, so research that a little bit. It is all about ways for you to work naturally through labor and how he can support you at every stage of that time. The writing style is really wordy, but I like the principles.
Edited to add: I think one of the keys to helping him be calm is an understanding of exactly what is happening. I don't think my recommendation is great at explaining that in a concrete way. You might need a different resource to help with the 'science' of it all.

kami09

I agree. We took the classes but I'm sure the book is great. Just having an understanding of birth and what is happening to your body is so helpful.

sarawifenow

I can't remember right now what it is called...I'm thinking it is "The Caveman's Guide To Pregnancy". H loves this book and it is actually really funny. When I get into work I'll look it up and let you know!

ETA Ok it is called "The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion". Highly recommend.

yogahh

Thanks, Ill look into these...

2 years ago when our cat was sick and we had to rush him to the emergency vet, we got stuck on a one-way street behind a cab that was taking his good ol time. DH actually got out of the car and started screaming "we have an emergency". This is how I picture him in the delivery room! So if I am not going to be drugged up, he needs to figure out how to calm himself down!! He doesn't do well under stress. I suggested last night that we look into doula's to help us both. He's not too into the idea, and thinks he can just read a book!

eaorear

@yogahh this sounds exactly like my husband!! We had to have some very candid conversations early on about what he realistically thinks his role should/can be.

swflJD

I got DH a couple of books. One is for him to read now called "Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad: How to Get (Both of You) Through the Next 9 Months."  It's just a basic guide for dads-to-be.  He's about halfway through with it and likes it so far. I also bought him a book for Christmas called "Dad's Playbook."  He's a sports fanatic, and it has various quotes and advice from some of the greatest sports coaches of all time.  They're both available on Amazon.

kami09

I say yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.get a doula. I only say this because I *thought* my husband would be amazing during birth since we took the classes and he knew what he was supposed to do, but it didn't exactly work out that way. He kept eating food in front of me and took naps. I labored on my own for most of it. I wasn't very happy and would have LOVED to have someone else there.

Eta: even if your dh is great, it would still be nice to have someone else deal with nurses, getting you ice chips, etc. He may need a break too

yogahh

kami09 said:

I say yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.get a doula. I only say this because I *thought* my husband would be amazing during birth since we took the classes and he knew what he was supposed to do, but it didn't exactly work out that way. He kept eating food in front of me and took naps. I labored on my own for most of it. I wasn't very happy and would have LOVED to have someone else there. Eta: even if your dh is great, it would still be nice to have someone else deal with nurses, getting you ice chips, etc. He may need a break too

I would have punched him in the face. Thats my "perry" training

kbrands7

@yogahh He might surprise you! My DH was notoriously bad under stress in a lot of cases, but after he got over the initial shock of my water breaking, it's like he gained Daddy power. He was great, and has actually handled emergency situations with much better composure since.

That said, I second the Bradley book-- or at least looking into the coaching method. I haven't read the caveman book, but it sounds good; I'll have to check it out.

Eta, when we talked about it, DH's #1 concern besides my safety was that he felt uncomfortable knowing I'd be in pain and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. When I explained that he could help me to be more comfortable and he practiced counterpressure, visualizations, etc with me, he felt better.

kami09

yogahh said:

kami09 said:

I say yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.get a doula. I only say this because I *thought* my husband would be amazing during birth since we took the classes and he knew what he was supposed to do, but it didn't exactly work out that way. He kept eating food in front of me and took naps. I labored on my own for most of it. I wasn't very happy and would have LOVED to have someone else there.

Eta: even if your dh is great, it would still be nice to have someone else deal with nurses, getting you ice chips, etc. He may need a break too

I would have punched him in the face. Thats my "perry" training

-QBF----UGH-----
If I had the energy, I might have!

doozer1345

Pregnancy for Dummies is really good (weird I know), I'll second Dude You're Going to Be a Dad, What To Expect When You're Wife's Expanding, The New Dad's Survival Guide: Man To Man Advice For First Time Fathers, and there is another one that I can't remember.

I learned more in his books than in the women's books funny enough. They also bring a lot of humor in that eased my mind the first go round.

camillaandcarson

Mine has this. 

The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

lalala2004

I'm not sure if this is the one @doozer1345 was referring to, but my DH has "Dad's Guide for Pregnancy for Dummies". He has read is slow but steadily.

mumbolino

Mine has "be prepared" and he loves it. I actually like it, too. Very practical , lots of illustrations and not too much fuss. Hands on approach.

https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547

yogahh

Thanks.. We have the expectant fathers book (something like that) but I guess I'm looking for something more geared towards actually being in he delivery room. I'll check out all he recommending!

gamommyx3

I'm going to check these out too.  I bought my husband a groom's survival guide about 8 months before we got married, which went largely ignored.  Then, about 2 weeks before the wedding, he started studying it as though there would be a test.  As in, note taking was involved and everything.  Better late than never?