My Husband Wants Attention... — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

My Husband Wants Attention...

So I get he wants to spend time with me, but his idea of that is us just watching tv on the couch. So me wanting to be productive and relaxed I decided to crochet which he later complained about because he wanted to spend time I can't do something that I enjoy?? I tried to explain to him that I get zero time during the day to do what I enjoy such as crafting and reading, In fact I don't get any time to myself period. So what am I to do? Either I'm unhappy not doing anything that's for myself, or he's unhappy because he doesn't have my full attention(not that he would be talking to me anyway if I did). It's super frustrating and I feel like he's being a bit immature and selfish about it.

Re: My Husband Wants Attention...

  • Actually what he is feeling is completely understandable. I would encourage you to Google "the five love languages" it's by John Gottman. Essentially what it means is that people only feel loved in one or two of these five different ways. They are words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service. It sounds like how he feels loved is "quality time" and by you denying it, it is actually telling him that you don't love him. I understand that is not what you are actually saying but that is how he understands it. It is just the way we all are, try to understand what quality time means to him and try to fulfill it in a way that can help him feel loved and you can still get your time alone.
  • Also quality time doesn't mean that you and him have to be talking just that he loves you being next to him.
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  • hayleydeeehayleydeee member
    edited December 2015
    "The 5 Love Languages" immediately came to my mind too when I read your post. It's an interesting read (with a Christian slant) that I highly recommend.
    I can relate. You don't say how many kids you have, or what their ages are. But I've found that as my kids get older they entertain each other more and more. Now I am able to find moments for myself here and there. It's still nowhere near what I had before kids, but at least it's something. I'm an introvert by nature, so I get it.
    I like to craft too, and will sometimes knit while I'm watching TV next to my husband. Do you enjoy doing anything that you could do while you're in the room with him? It sounds like he just wants you to be near him. 
    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • What works for me and my hubby is a schedule. Mon/Wed he goes out with my oldest and takes karate. Tues/thurs. I take exercise classes or go out with friends. Friday's through the weekend are for us and family time. We usually get my parents to watch the kids once a month for the weekend. Maybe you could talk to him about the importance of alone time and pick a day each for yourself and then make sure to schedule time with hubby too. Tell him what your "love language" is too.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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