STM: What's the best advice for pregnancy you can give?

candypantsls

As a FTM, I got a couple of pieces of advice that I couldn't have done without, so I want to pass them along.

STM, what is some pregnancy advice you'd pass along?

candypantsls

1. I felt so sick after taking my prenatal vitamin.  My mom suggested I take it at the beginning of the meal, rather than at the end like I'd always been told to do.  No more nausea.

2. Save drinking / fluids for non-meal times.  As my belly got bigger and heartburn got REAL, I found it helpful to drink minimal amounts during meals, and get my fluids in in-between my meals and snacks.  Helped with heartburn significantly.

ladythrice

Sleep. As much as you can.

DobbysSock

If you don't have a regular housekeeper, try to set aside some money in the budget to have someone come do a deep clean of your house shortly before your due date, and a few weeks after baby is born. It was the best gift I gave myself! 

Prepare yourself for all possible birth outcomes. I took a labour and delivery class but just assumed I'd be able to handle it so didn't do any of the prep they suggested in terms of practicing breathing, etc., and I didn't prepare myself for or research about a c-section at all, which I ended up needing.

Buy some BIG underwear and a pair of baggy sweat pants that you can pull up around your belly button, if you end up needing a c-section you won't want any pants that rub along your incision line.

mandyjulie

Pregnancy:

1. Agree about the prenatal vitamin timing -- I've been taking mine before bed and that's been the best for me.

2. Don't freak out about screenings like the NT scan. Though people will refer to "false positives," that's not a thing in a screening. It's a screening which means it looks at your potential risk. It gives you a ratio of odds. From there you can decide if you want non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT) such as Harmony, Verifi, MaterniT21. So honestly, don't freak out if you get elevated NT odds, just find out if you can do a NIPT and what you'll have to pay versus what your insurance will cover.

3. Don't have due date expectations. Stop putting all your energy into that one little date. Your kid has other plans. That means be ready to have the baby much earlier, and also prepare to wait much longer. Yes it's uncomfortable and can be hard to wait, but if you accept that it's out of your control it'll be easier.

4. If you think you want to breastfeed, start reading up on it now. Kellymom is great, the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding... there are lots. BUT. Don't let it consume you, either. I read something while pregnant about if you have a c-section, you're less less likely to have a successful BF relationship. Bull! I started crying because I was sure I'd have a c-section, since everyone in my family has (I didn't). Anyway, lots of people who have c-sections are able to BF, so whatever, take all of that with a grain of salt.

5. Speaking of that, don't get too attached to your birth plan. It's good to have a plan/ideas, but not everything will happen the way you want. The more you start reminding yourself of that, the less disappointed you'll be.

Baby:

1. If you can get sleep the first night after baby's born, do it. Mine was born in the middle of the night and my adrenaline was pumping, so in the hours after when I could have gotten some rest I was talking to my mom... dumb! It sure caught up with me.

2. If you want to breastfeed, great. Put as much effort into it as you're willing to. But if you're unable to, or want to stop, or supplement or whatever, do not beat yourself up. It's just not worth it. Your mental health is important, especially in your hormonal post-partum state, but also for the many months/years after!

3. Velcro swaddlers rule.

4. If you're interested in cry it out, it really isn't as cruel as it sounds. There are phased approaches and sometimes the kid doesn't even cry, or not much. Look into it and if you want to try, you can start around 4 months. If it's not your thing, NBD, don't! It's definitely not for every kid or for every parent. There are other ways you can establish good sleep routines, such as the Sleep Lady Shuffle...just keep looking/trying what works for you. 

5. Look into the 5 S's -- good soothing techniques for a crying or colicky baby. You don't have to read the whole book, you just need to learn what the 5 S's are. I think there's a short video about it.

6. If you start to feel like you're crumbling, you feel anger, you can't seem to lift the cloud of misery, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Post-partum depression is real, and don't deny yourself help.

7. Remember the one annoying thing everyone will tell you. "It gets better!" Really, it does.

megth

Your life is about to change so much, you don't even know. Do your best to go with it, but make sure to get time to yourself. 

If breastfeeding is your goal and it doesn't go perfectly, that is normal and happens all the time. Supplementing isn't bad and can help you while your build your supply. No matter what, don't let it send you to the loony bin if it doesn't work out. It's not your fault. 

And most importantly, listen to yourself and your doctor first, everyone else last.

e&a+momma

I know this seems silly but really soak up your first pregnancy! Try to enjoy it and nap often if you can. Pamper yourself. The second pregnancy, while it is still lovely, it so different especially when you have a toddler to chase after.

It is good to have a plan of your birth and what you want to do after the baby is born but don't get so stuck on it that if something has to change you are distraught over it. Try to go with the flow because in the end the only thing that matters is that you have your baby!

Lastly, remember opinions are like butts - everyone has one! Don't let people make you feel wrong or bad about your decisions. Listen to the opinions and if you like them use them and if not throw them out!

SparkySunshine

e&a+momma said:

Lastly, remember opinions are like butts - everyone has one!

And they usually stink! Haha, couldn't help myself

stephweinstein

This is my advice.  Truer words have never been written.

"The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep."

Puddles03

I agree with everything. During your first do things like prenatal yoga and other things just for you because running after a toddler means less you time

betheliz

1.  i know not everyone gains a lot of weight during pregnancy, but i did, and I ended up unintentionally torturing myself by wearing a bra band that was two sizes too small for most of my last trimester.  I thought i had heartburn but I was really just bruising my ribs. Along the same lines, budget now to buy a second set of maternity clothes for the last trimester.  You're going to want to be comfortable and not feel like a beached whale in too-small spandex.

2  bring big stretchy clothes to wear home from the hospital.  you won't be much smaller than you were pre-birth.  it takes weeks for your uterus to shrink back down to size.  plus, if you get a c-section you'll want something that you can pull up over your scar.

3. don't beat yourself up if you have trouble nursing.  i went to a breastfeeding class and the teacher made it sound like if I even supplemented once I'd lose my supply and never be able to make it work.  I stubbornly kept trying to bf at the hospital and my LO kept losing weight.  It was terrifying and heartbreaking.  We ended up supplementing but I wish I had done it sooner. I never did bf successfully but I did pump almost exclusively for a year.

4. If you do end up bf and/or pumping, look into renting a hospital grade pump from the hospital.  Yes, I know that insurance companies will pay for pumps that often claim to be hospital grade, but if your pump isn't the size of a small microwave it's not the real deal!  There was such a difference between my free pump and the one I rented

5. I second @mandyjulie 's velcro swaddle suggestion.  I never got the hang of swaddling (the nurses in the hospital will make it look so simple!!!), but these were awesome.

6. yes, your life will change completely. if you can afford it, go on a babymoon before you're too pregnant, or at least go and see as many movies as you can. 

soberkfell

Something that I found reassuring after bringing the baby home was the reminder that nobody is perfect and everyone has to figure out what works for her baby and her family. I had major mommy guilt that I wasn't the perfect Pinterest mom. Try not to stress and enjoy your baby!

FluffleSprout

1. Every mom is extreme to someone. You can't win, so don't even try. Just parent for you and your kid.

2. You will be a slightly different parent than you think. That said, if it's important to you, you should do it your way. Don't let anyone push, shame, or influence your parenting decisions.

3. Doctors are service providers and human. They can give bad or outdated advice. Feel free to find a better fit for you if you don't like a doctor. I tortured myself with a pediatrician I hated for 9 months. Then we switched and I'm so glad we did.

4. Invest in a good pregnancy pillow.

5. Buy a bottle of tums now. Trust me.

6. Those memory foam type pads are worth a little extra.

7. Try to journal or keep a diary during pregnancy. Sadly, you will forget it.

8. The boundaries you set now will set the tone for your life as a parent.

9. A lot of baby stuff is just marketing to scare you into buying stuff.

10. It's all totally worth it.

anskip

I agree with sooooo much here!!

Pregnancy pillow- a must!!!! Enjoy all the moments, the good ones and the bad ones. Even when you're puking your guts up. The first one is so different......it's just you and your little peanut. With any after it gets pretty crazy.

Find a group of moms that don't judge. You have to do what's best for you and your LO. Los of people give advice and tell you how. Listen with a grain of salt and do what you think is best.

Stand firm in what you want. For instance, I chose not to use a pacifier. I had to repeatedly tell the nurses that I didn't want one, but in the end it was the best decision for DD.

Don't be afraid to speak up. If you feel like something is not right, say it!!! If someone/something makes you uncomfortable, tell someone!! You are your own advocate.

Above all else, remember that this too shall pass. When LO hits about a week and that first growth spurt and you are nursing(if you choose) every 20 minutes and you think there's something wrong........remember, this too shall pass.

Taymiller

Trust your instincts and stick up for yourself and your baby! Lots of people will tell you what is best, you have to decide what is best for your little family.

SparkySunshine

It's ok to do things you said you would "never" do before you actually had child. Parenting is a lot of work and ever evolving.
Even if you feel like a whale, take pictures!

DataJane

For pregnancy - I tried to get a little exercise everyday with the last pregnancy (nothing strenuous, usually just going for a 1/2 hour walk but I was really religious about always doing it) and I think it really helped me feel good throughout the pregnancy and made my c-section recovery easier.

For once baby comes - I'd say just follow your instincts about things like breastfeeding and other medical stuff and don't feel bad making the right decision for you. I struggled majorly with breastfeeding and got a lot of conflicting advice that I should have ignored.

Also, I always felt like I needed to be doing something with baby, reading him a book, putting him on his activity mat, trying to stimulate him in some way. I realize now that for the first few months the whole world is stimulating and just loving and taking care of them is enough. Do that stuff if you want to but not because it feels like you should. 

quartz02

honestly... I did a lot of research about pregnancy but not a lot about parenting... and it's hard to accomplish that once the baby comes. Read up on baby's 1st year ahead of time!

MamaOlive

Suck it up and buy the darn pregnancy pillow. Once third tri insomnia hits you won't regret it.

Pack an entire bag of snacks for the hospital. You won't be able to eat during labor but you'll be starving when it's over and hospital food is the worst. People kept bringing me food and I still wish I would have had tons of snacks.

Take pictures. Be in those pictures. You might not like how you look always but you'll wish you had more pictures of yourself with your newborn if you don't have any. Every time someone comes to visit make them take a picture of YOU with your baby.

foxa319

The first few weeks and months are hard with a new baby, you will sleep again!

Accept help when offered! My mil offered many times to come over and watch ds in the first month and I always turned her down bc I wanted to seem like I had everything together, but I was exhausted!

Don't be upset if your birth plan doesn't go as you wanted. I was a labor and delivery nurse and helped moms deliver hundreds of babies. I thought I would go natural, and stay at home as long as possible labouring. Instead I was induced for 4 days with 4 rounds of cytotec, a foley balloon, and pitocin. I got an epidural after 3 days bc I couldn't take it anymore! I was able to have a vaginal delivery but I was only 30 mins away from being a c section due to a failed induction.

Like all ppers said bfing is tough. You nipples hurt and are bleeding, you never know if baby is getting enough. Ds was 3.5 weeks early and he ended up in the nicu for low blood sugars bc I couldn't get him to nurse. It was then even harder for the 2 of us to figure it out since he had monitors and wires all over him. I pumped and supplemented while he was in the nicu for a few days and then we figured out bfing when we got home. Learning how to bf in bed on your side was the best! Latch baby and back to sleep for mommy!

Most of all your heart will swell with love more than you ever thought possible and that little baby will be the best thing you've ever done!

nopegoat

100% on taking pictures. Bump pictures. All the newborn/baby pics. You won't regret it for an instant I promise.

Pregnancy is stressful enough all by itself. Be kind to your self and don't sweat the small stuff. More than likely that nursery you just had to have done won't be really used for a while. Half the baby stuff you'll organize will be arranged and rearranged as you are figuring stuff out. Do it to pass the time but don't stress.

Babies do not need a lot in the beginning. Food source, somewhere to sleep, clothes, and a carseat is about it. Don't stress about needing every little thing.

Don't get caught up in the mommy wars. You do what works for you and don't worry about everyone else.

Don't be afraid to ask for help!!!!!!!!!! Yes all those exclamation points were necessary. Your life is about to change so much. It's OK to break down and miss your old life for a minute. Parenting is hard. Make sure you ask for a break to take a shower or eat a real meal with both hands or even a quick trip to the grocery store alone. You are human and you don't have to do this completely alone.

Parenting is overwhelming. Take care of yourself. And that means being honest with your SO, your Dr's, and yourself. Baby blues, PPD are real things. Don't be afraid to admit if something feels off.

Also the way you do things with your LO won't always work for your SO. It's OK if your LO cries for a little bit. Let your SO figure out what works for them. This was hard to accept for me because it was easier to just jump in and fix it but I promise it's worth it. An H that is confident with his baby is sexy as hell and it makes things so much less stressful for you.

It's not always pretty, it's damn hard, but it's so worth it!!

stillcozy

MamaOlive said:

Suck it up and buy the darn pregnancy pillow. Once third tri insomnia hits you won't regret it.

Pack an entire bag of snacks for the hospital. You won't be able to eat during labor but you'll be starving when it's over and hospital food is the worst. People kept bringing me food and I still wish I would have had tons of snacks.

Take pictures. Be in those pictures. You might not like how you look always but you'll wish you had more pictures of yourself with your newborn if you don't have any. Every time someone comes to visit make them take a picture of YOU with your baby.

Is a pregnancy pillow different than a body pillow? I have one of those and use it between my knees every night.

simplymizzj

Agree 100% with @MamaOlive on the pregnancy pillow. A Must Have! It will become your BFF during the later stages of pregnancy.

@Lindsayleigh1989 They are kind of different; the pregnancy pillow is curved to support your back to sleep comfortable sideways, while being able to wrap your legs around it. Look up 'Snoogle'. They run about $60 but well worth it. I highly recommend getting one!

MamaBish

I know it's not anything anyone wants to think about, but purchase one preemie outfit to carry with you in a plastic Baggie in your purse. No one wants to plan for an early delivery but it happens and if it does, you will wish you had at least one thing to put baby in.

MrsRo731

Lots of really great advice from PP - here are some of mine. Most of mine are baby related, though.

Pregnancy:

• Try not to worry about the birth (pain, length, etc.) because before you know it, it's over and you have this little person! Just take it one moment at a time and you'll get through it. 
• Get sleep in the hospital/birth center and have SO/DH help. I was in so much pain after the birth and DH did all diaper changes which was a huge help for me. I concentrated on BF and resting when I could.
• Document things -  I didn't with my first and I almost forgot what pregnancy was like with her. I wish I would've kept a journal or something to just jot down feelings/symptoms etc.

After Baby:

• Communicate with your SO/DH. I did ALL the night feedings for the first 6 or 7 months and it about broke me. After I went back to work around 12 weeks, DD was waking up about 3 times a night and I felt like a zombie every day. I wish I would've pushed DH to give her a bottle so I could sleep. I was hell bent on BF as much as I could since I was missing out on the daytime BF. Also, it put so much more pressure on me than I needed at the time.
• Don't compare yourself/guilt yourself. Easier said than done, right? Honestly though, I felt like a terrible mother going back to work and I judged myself for it. I would read these articles on FB and people would make comments like 'why have children if you're not going to raise them' and I would cry and cry. Once I stopped reading those articles and judging myself, I was a much better and happier mama. Do what's best for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else! 
• Someone touched on this already but it was a big one for me - LO needs very little in the beginning as far as stimulation. I was obsessed with doing activities like reading, playing with toys, being on the mat in the first few months. I wish I would've just calmed down and rested while LO was in swing, bouncer, being worn or wherever. One thing to note, do practice tummy time even though your baby may hate it.
• Get out of the house at least once a day - even if it's a short walk around the block. DD was a winter baby and I hardly left the house. I started to go stir crazy. I wish I would've made an effort to take her out more when I was home with her. I was afraid of BF in public which contributed to my anxiety. 

xc1148

1- There is no such thing as "normal"....no normal pregnancy, no normal baby, no normal delivery. Everyone is different...don't go crazy comparing

2- Trust your instincts and your doctor. When someone gives you advice you don't like say "uh huh" and keep on truckin'

3- Take in the moment(s)!!! Pregnancy is amazing. You're growing a human!!! And you're going to push it out!! And raise it!! It's literally insane.

soberkfell

@LindsayLeigh1989 the Snoogle also is good for fitting under your belly when your bump starts to get bigger, which will do your back wonders. I found that regular pillows or our body pillow were too bulky, while the Snoogle made the perfect little pillow nest for me and my bump.

MamaOlive

For those looking for a snoogle - Burlington Coat Factory has them for $35-40 sometimes. Cheapest I've seen!

BettyRu

Take a birthing class WITH your SO... It's really important and helps them understand what to expect and how to help you during and after birth. It also will teach you alot about the birthing process which was scary to learn but eased my mind to know what would happen.

chelseakae07

Learn how to swaddle good and tight! Swaddling my newborn fixed almost everything.. And a tight swaddle helped her sleep! A zipadee zip swaddle sack is definitely worth the purchase when your LO starts breaking out of a swaddle around 3-4 months.

bealskri

When you push, it's not a reverse kegel but literally the same motion as pooping. You're welcome for the hour of your life I just gave you.

matryoshkadoll

For those of faith: pray! My first pregnancy, I prayed like I usually did before and it was fine. With my second, I did a lot more surrendering and I turned my focus completely to God. It made a huge difference and completely changed my relationship with God and with my husband.
Also stay involved in church, people will amaze you with how much they help. I had just moved to a new town and got so much needed support once we found a church at 6mo pregnant.

Others: still same advice but do what works for you: positive affirmations, meditation, etc. Find a community of friends, family, or anyone that you can depend on.

Puddles03

Yes @MamaBish! My daughter was full term and unfortunately very small, I am so glad I had one premie thing to at least bring her home in.

And dido to @bealskri give it all you literally and physically have, you know all the movies where the mom to be is blue in the face, ya like that. Take a massive breath and push like you have a 7...8... Or 9 pound poo! And for the love of everything, when they tell you to stop and hold it, STOP, they are trying to save your future sex life! And the number of sitz baths you will have to take.