On the fence

PregsterDD

I never thought I would be here... staring down the rabbit hole. I have an amazing 3.5 year old. He hasn't been easy, preemie, ASD, frequently sick. Pregnancy was hard but we got pregnant the first time we "tried."  Now it's been 13 months of trying, charting temping, every other day BD.  My OB/GYN broke the news that it is time, if we are serious about having another baby, to see a RE.  My heart sank. I have been trying so hard!  So, I had the talk with DH. It didn't go as planned.  He said, " We have been trying for over a year and that was the plan, let's just stop. I don't want to go down the rabbit hole. When do we say enough is enough, after the shots and the clomid, after a failed round of IUI, after a miscarriage'? And these are all valid points. I am 34 and I am a mom, That's who I am and I know that can't be taken from me but I thought I would have more than one child and that my son would be a big brother.  Most days I think, I will be fine with one child, things really are great... But when I think of giving away all of the baby things and really being "done" all I can do is cry.  I know that no one can help me with my decision I just feel a little better getting this off my chest. Thanks for listening

smilormarie

Been down the road before. We struggled with our first, now we're struggling again, and apparently there's nothing wrong with either of us. It's tough wanting a child and facing infertility whether it's your first, second, third, fourth, whatever. With your age, I would at least get testing done. If it's determined that there is only a minor issue and you guys decide to try a treatment plan, great. Since your husband is iffy about, if they were to find a problem with either of you, regroup and decide how far you want to go, or whether you want to go at all. I definitely see it from a different perspective than I did last time. With each child our priorities change and sometimes the change is in family planning. Good luck! I hope you stick around but I'm sure you'll make the best decision for your family either way.

ErikaMG

I feel you. I'm in a similar boat - have an amazing 4-1/2 year old son who is the center of my universe. I'm happy. But... we always planned on having two, and I want my son to have a sibling. We got pregnant soooo easily the first time. We couldn't afford to have two kids in preschool/daycare at the same time, so we waited, and now at 43 years old, we're having a tough time. On Friday we will have our fourth and last IUI. I would like to try IVF in the new year if that doesn't work, but DH is skeptical. I have a feeling that this is our last shot, and I fluctuate between sobbing my eyes out and thinking "well... at least we'll stop struggling so much financially when DS goes to kindergarten..." This whole thing is such an emotional rollercoaster, and being stuck in limbo, not knowing what's going to happen... well, it just plain sucks. You are not alone... you have many sisters in this struggle. Hang in there, and know that we're rooting for you, whatever you decide to do!

GK2009

Hello!  I am sorry you find yourself on this board and with so much struggle.  As the other ladies have said-- you aren't alone and we understand the inner turmoil.  I would suggest not getting too far ahead of yourself and take one step at a time.  It is a very emotional journey when you begin treatments, but it looks like you need to just sit down and have a consultation with an RE as well as some preliminary testing.  Check your ovarian reserve and your tubes and have your husband get checked out as well.  All of these tests are relatively simple and not very expensive.  It will give you a clearer idea of what the road ahead looks like for you and then you can decide together.  Since you are so torn over this, it sounds to me that you aren't ready to give up... but that is just the sense I get from you.  Good luck to you!!!

PregsterDD

Thank you ladies so much for your responses!  I plan to have my mother in law keep my son for a weekend in January so that me and the hubby can have a romantic weekend together. Maybe we will have the time to really talk about what we both want and find some sort of compromise.  Merry Christmas!! 

allyall10

I am so sorry you are in that position. I had a similar discussion with DH last night. Except it was reversed. He's up for anything, no matter the cost. After 3 failed IVF treatments, I'm not sure how much more I can give emotionally. Sometimes I feel like I do just want to give away everything and just move on knowing DS is amazing. But, then I see those little clothes he used to wear and I want another one to wear it. It's an emotional roller coaster no matter what path you choose. Have the hard discussion with your hubby. remember, you can always meet with an RE and still not go through, but then you know your options.

1983Lindsey2

That is a hard position to be in.  I am sorry you are dealing with it.  We struggled with our first and did 6 cycles of IUI at the RE before we had success and now we are done with 2 IVFs for a second and not sure how it will turn out.  We decided we would be willing to do whatever it takes to get our first, up to 4 IVF's.  We have decided the same with our second.  You just need to have that talk with your husband and also figure out what you really want to do.  Usually if you are doing IUI and meds, you would want to try that at least 3 times (Some people do 6) before moving forward to something else like IVF.  I would recommend just seeing an RE for testing and see what he says.  It might be something that could be a pretty easy fix, but until you know the issue, I don't know if I could make a decision about what to do next, or what I was willing to do to get another child.  Hugs and I hope you and your husband come to an agreement you can both be comfortable with.  

PregsterDD

Here is my update for anyone who may be following...not sure if this is even how I post something like this. Any way, Christmas Day my sweet brother and sis in law announced their first pregnancy, we were all super excited! We got home and that night my DH said, "what do we need to do to get tested and find out why we aren't getting pregnant?" I was happier about that than anything! Since then, we have had his sperm analyzed and it was fine.  So I have had my 21 day progesterone level checked and am awaiting results. Now we are both like, what will we be willing to do next?  I guess we will just take it step by step, one day at a time approach.  

ErikaMG

@PregsterDD - that's great news. I'm glad you're feeling good about taking control of the matter. Best of luck to you!

meaneycab

I'm so glad your husband is willing to move forward. What peace of mind that must have brought. Good luck on your progesterone check (I suppose you probably already know the result).