Returning to Work

altow1310

Anyone other working mommas already struggling with the thought of going back to work? I go back the first week of January and I am already crying like crazy sometimes. I am so blessed to have been given 12 weeks of maternity leave and am also so blessed to have a great job that allows me to provide for my family, but the thought of being without LO during the day is incredibly challenging. Another blessing is that LO will be with my mom every day when I am at work (daycare mommas I applaud you more than you know because I don't know how I would handle it), but it's just so tough to think about not being there for every moment of his life. I don't have the option of being a stay-at-home mom as my job provides all of our insurance (DH works for a small, family-run company that doesn't offer that benefit), but I am DYING when I think about going back. Ugh.

BryDienta

Though you may be overwhelmed now thinking about it it really does get easier.  It took me taking time away from lo while I was home on leave to prepare myself and it truly made the transition SO much easier.  Good luck when the time comes.  

chein1

If you search there are a lot of discussions about this that you may find helpful

meganraschke

I know how you feel, I posted about this the other day. I'm on my 4th day back to work today. Day 2 was by far the hardest and I cried at my desk 90% of the day. One piece of advice that's getting me through it, wash a blanket with LO baby detergent and take it to work with you. I wrap myself up in it so I can smell home and my baby. People don't think I'm strange because it's cold outside they just assume I'm cold. It really has helped me. I'm sure this gets easier, but give yourself time for it to be difficult. I had anxiety leading up to going back and nothing prepared me for how difficult it actually was (I'm one of the day care moms you mentioned)
One other thing I can say is that I was an emotional wreck 2 weeks leading up to going back and it didn't make the transition any easier or prepare me for it. Transitioning back has been very difficult for me, but I wish I hadn't spent my last 2 weeks so upset about it at home, it genuinely only took away from me it didn't help.
Give yourself the grace to break down, it'll happen more than likely, and find a veteran mom at work you can lean on.

Edited because it lost half of what I wrote the first time

ameares721

I just finished my first week back and it went so well! Wayyyyy better than expected.

The night before was hard. Really hard. My husband handled daycare drop off my first day back so that made it easier on me. I went to feed her on lunch and it was such a nice little break in my day and forced me to leave the office where in the past I would just bring my lunch and eat while working.

Pick up was so exciting! I missed her and she was so happy to see me but still had a great day at daycare playing with other babies and trying the swing, tummy time, story time, etc.

We only do daycare about 25 hours a week as I have weekends and my husband has two weekdays, but it's a great balance.

I will also say it has gone really well because she is sleeping through the night and I found a good balance between nursing, pumping, bottle feeding, etc.

It feels good to wake up every day with a schedule and get dressed up. And it helps me focus my undivided attention with her when we spend evenings together.

altow1310

@meganraschke thank you so much for talking about how being emotional the two weeks leading up to your return didn't help you at all. I have been VERY emotional the past few days (and I don't even go back until three weeks from next Tuesday!), but I've been trying to remind myself to enjoy the rest of my leave with little man, especially with his first Christmas right around the corner. I don't want to look back and wish that I hadn't been so sad and hadn't cried so much, but I'm sure I will have my moments. I guess I was thinking the same way you were - that if I cry now and get it all out ahead of time it will make the transition itself easier, but I doubt that will be the case. I'm just glad I'm not the only one. Thinking about going back to work has been SOOOOOOO much harder than I EVER could have imagined.

meganraschke

I'm glad my story helped you. I completely agree with you about it being so much harder than you could have imagined. I joked with my husband at the beginning of maternity leave that I was going to cry my week leading up to going back. I just didn't realize I would feel worse about it then I imagined.
I'd give yourself the grace and space to feel sad even before you go back since that's healthy.
But, I kind of obsessed about it and sunk into my emotions which didn't help at all. My LO could pick up on it too and he was a little extra cranky/needing more comfort than normal (which I was totally okay with, yes we can snuggle ALL day lol)
Hang in there, take it slow returning and if you can start in the middle of the week.
We decided I needed to take random days off for the next few weeks so the week didn't feel so long. So I'm taking off Wednesday's to break up the week. Thankfully my boss recently had a baby so she understands.

altow1310

@meganraschke I didn't realize I would feel so much worse than I imagined either. I told my husband the first time I broke down a few days ago that the toughest part, I think, is that I always thought part of me would be so ready to go back. I thought part of me would be so tired of changing diapers, cleaning up spit-up, etc. and I'm not in any way. I love every minute I get to spend with little man, and the thought of not spending every minute with him is so painful. It will be ok eventually. I have the flexibility to work from home if needed on occasion and I have vacation time I can use. Plus, my situation is different than most in that my mom can care for him while I work, so I need to remember how blessed I am to have that. I just know if I didn't work our lives would be so different, and I don't ever want to struggle financially or give my son a life that is less than mine and my husband's full potential. I just never expected to be SO in love and SO wrapped up in little man.

meganraschke

I know exactly how you feel. Giving my son the best life possible is what keeps me going with it.
Hang in there! And enjoy every minute that you have left at home.
And don't let the guilt of 'I have it better than most I should be happy about that' get to you either. I have it better than most too and it still upsets me, and I think that is okay. I don't have to just be happy because it could be worse....I worried about posting my work schedule on my previous post because I thought some women would tell me to stop complaining.

altow1310

@meganraschke I almost didn't post this in the first place because I thought others would tell me the same thing because I don't have to do daycare. I am right there with you on the whole 'I don't have to just be happy because it could be worse' thing. I feel the SAME way! I feel like everyone keeps insinuating that I shouldn't be so upset because it could be way worse. I just feel like it could also be way better if I was able to stay home with my baby, but I know that isn't possible for us. We would struggle with one income, and we have to have insurance so I don't have the option of staying home unfortunately. I will just use my little man as motivation to go to work every day with the right attitude! I know material things are so much less important than a lot of other things, but I don't even want my son to watch my husband and I struggle to provide for him or to give him a life that is less than what we are capable of. I have a great job and I need to use wanting to provide for my son to the best of my ability as my motivation for keeping my job and eventually moving up in the workforce. I just didn't expect to feel any of the things I'm feeling. I knew becoming a mom would change me; I just had no idea how much. I NEVER would have been content staying at home before little man came along but sometimes I think now I would be. I know there are things about being a SAHM that would be stressful for me too though. The grass is always greener! Good thing to remember for both of us. Are you on FB? Maybe we could connect and lean on each other for support whenever necessary. It's so much easier to talk to someone who truly understands.

meganraschke

I am not on Facebook but feel free to private message me here anytime!
I feel like I am taking to myself with how you feel about work.

Cmoniga

I was due to go back January 4, but started getting anxious and sad about it therefore I just put in a request to extend my leave until January 25 (the longest we can afford me to be out).

What's even more difficult about it all- I was just offered a new job in a city much further from home. I accepted because the pay is better and my DH really wanted to relocate to that area to buy a home. The downside- we rent and our lease isn't up until April. Therefore when I return to work (well start the new position), my commute will be more than an hour each day (I have to drive through Boston traffic), which means less time at home with my LO. NOT TO MENTION, I haven't figured out child care yet either because we weren't sure if I'd be offered the position or not- therefore I haven't been able to pin down a day care because it needs to be where I work. Now I have just a few weeks to try to get her into a day care. AND she will be taking the long commute with me each day until we relocate- I'm horrifed about it all.

BryDienta

@Cmoniga what part of the Boston commute do you tackle? I drive an hour each way to work from NH to Bedford, MA so I feel you on the commute and it sucks. I changed my hours to super early so I cut down on time wasted in traffic!

Cmoniga

@BryDienta I'll be commuting from Lowell, MA to Salem, MA. Without traffic it's a 40 minute drive so add the normal Boston traffic on 93 and 95, and I'm screwed

altow1310

Thanks, @meganraschke! I did!

altow1310

@Cmoniga I'm so sorry for your additional stress factors. As if going back to work isn't hard enough, right? I'm sure you will get everything sorted out, but I know it will be hard in the meantime. Congrats on the new job. That's one thing I keep trying to remind myself about going back - what a blessing it is to have a good job and to be able to help with providing for my family.

andreanesbit

This- all of these responses. Thank you! I return to work next week and just today started having anxiety attacks- merry Christmas! So nice to hear others with the same feelings and situations! Thank you for positive words and support!

KristynLee15

I go back on Tuesday. And im just now starting to freak out. Part of me is ready so that I can get into a new routine. But im afraid shell get too attached to daycare. I know its silly. Plus i only work half days 90% of the time so i keep trying to tell myself itll be okay. But im completely overwhelmed!

Cmoniga

So I already commented on this previously bc I am so anxious about going to work and leaving her at day care. But today I toured the day care and I'm starting to feel much better about it. I liked the facility and feel comfortable with the staff to child ratio. In addition though I've started to realize that although I've done a ton of reading on how best to interact with my baby and activities we should be doing for development- I just feel like I could do more! I think I'm doing as good as I can but its hard to stick to a routine of activities to promote development when you have a tired, fussy baby who just wants to eat and sleep sometimes. That being said- I feel like a day care environment will help promote these developmental milestones even better than I. They are structured and there are other infants who my LO can socialize with and learn from. I think day care is going to be a great experience for her. I'm still super sad and know I'll probably bawl my eyes out for a whole eat time I drop her off, but the anxiety of it is a bit less when I think of those positives.