Scared for whats to come after I deliver

mariarassiwalla

Hi all, I'm scheduled for my c section this Monday and are having our first baby! I wake up feeling panicked and anxious about how I'm going to handle the sleepless nights, forever commitment, and most of all if I'm going to feel connected to her. I haven't yet felt overly connected or joyful of her coming. Is this normal? I also hit a really rough 8 weeks of insomnia and anxiety after I became 31 weeks. So I've been feeling very out of it for the last 2 months. I've never had to deal with soemething so horrible or debilitating before. It blindsided me so I know the fear is talking vs my normal self. Anyone else facing these fears/thoughts?

amm0512

I has a section with DS, but I went into active labor before my scheduled section, so everything was a bit rushed. My spinal didn't take on the right side so they had to sedate me, so I have random memories of hearing my son cry and DH telling me to try to look at him, but overall I feel like I wasn't "there" for his birth. It honestly took me about 2.5 weeks to bond with him, but from then on, he has been my Little Everything. I had a scheduled section with DD last week, and after two panic attacks on the table from fear of feeling them cut into me again, I was wide awake when she was born. It melted my heart hearing her cry for the first time, and as soon as I saw her, I started bawling; it was an instant connection. My point is, there are no "universal" feelings when it comes to being a mom. You will bond, even if it's not when baby is in your tummy or immediately after they are born. Please don't beat yourself up or worry about guilt. You got this, Mama!

MississippiCatfish

I'm not great with advice, but I will tell you that for me, the sleepless nights were 100x easier than being 9 months pregnant. With both of my two boys, I was so thankful to be relieved of the discomforts of pregnancy, that recovering from childbirth, the discomforts of nursing and the sleeplessness were small in comparison.

I will also just say that I have struggled at times during this pregnancy with feeling connected to baby. It is my third, and my two current children have both become more difficult during this pregnancy, leaving me nervous to add in another. I also lost my father to suicide six weeks ago, so I have have some other things taking my focus. But based on the births of my first two, I completely just have faith that I will feel connected to my baby when he is here:) best of luck to you.

tooba22

OP, I too am a FTM struggling with insomnia and a horrible episodes of heartburn daily. It will get easier. I think it's our body's natural way of preparing us for sleepless nights with the baby. Here is a little something to cheer you up. Take care of yourself.

nbc2015

@tooba22 that picture made me teary-eyed. OP, I think we all are scared. I know I am. Trust yourself and your abilities. You will figure it out, and that connection will come.

shelbibrooke82

I never wanted kids....so when I found out I was pregnant the first time it took me a very long time to feel even somewhat connected during my pregnancy! I had a healthy vaginal delivery but as bad as it sounds it took me about a week to really get that emotional connection to her!! Now I want to repopulate!!

It is very stressful becoming a mom but honestly it's the best thing ever!! I didn't even care about the fact that I was tired because holding this life that I created in my arms knowing that they are comforted by ME was more than enough to make up for it!! DON'T GET ME WRONG IT'S GOING TO GET HARD!!! Trying to figure out how not to get overwhelmed is overwhelming lol I think as long as you have a great support around you then your gonna be fine!!! I just had to have my daily shower..even it was only a quick 10 min shower! Just figure out who can help you and when so you can get a game plan until you work out a routine!! Just keep your head up and ask for help if you need it...anyone who is a mom will gladly help because they understand!!

dramaphile

It's totally normal not to feel bonded to your baby before birth, or even immediately after. I felt like before she was born, she wasn't quite real, just some movement and the idea of a baby. I was so focused on anticipating the birth that I had trouble picturing what she would look like or how it would be to have her. Afterward, it was easy for me to fall in love. It's different for everyone, but eventually you'll get that love connection, even if it takes a few weeks.

LaceyH13

I had my baby 5 days ago, so I don't have much experience post partum. But I can tell you that I had all of the same fears you did. I remember I was pushing during labor and I felt him finally "pop" out, and all of the emotions that i was afraid I would be missing flooded into my body. I cried out of relief and love and the pain I just went through, looked at my little guy and was in love.

The last 5 days have been quite challenging, but the lack of sleep had been manageable because Iook at my baby and love him so darn much. The pain of childbirth is also finally easing and each day it all feels a touch more doable. You can do it! Your instincts will kick in and make all the difference - trust me

redfallon

I cared for my daughter when she was born, but I didn't tell her I loved her until she was a few weeks old. Even then, she had smiled or made some noise, and I said, "I love you, too." I didn't have this overwhelming OMG feeling when she was born. She is 2 now, and she is so precious to me that I'm more worried about her when I have LO#2 than I am about myself. I want to make sure that her sense of normalcy and confidence in her parents is not disrupted too much with a little newborn baby brother. It worries me.

Jessie42613

I think that what you're feeling is normal. I never felt connected to or bonded with my baby before she was here (I'm 3 weeks PP). Even in the hospital, I cried when she was born out of amazement by what had just happened, but I didn't necessarily feel this overwhelming sense of love. Sometimes, it takes time. And that's ok.

The sleepless nights aren't that bad, truly. If anything, it's during those early hours when I've felt that we're bonding. I love to watch her get blinky and sleepy as she nurses. My advice on nighttime is to prepare yourself - have water on the nightstand, a clip for your hair, boppy pillow close by, snacks if you'll want them. Get yourself ready so you aren't staggering around at 3am. Also, try to nap during the day. I grind my teeth looking at my dirty counters and tumbleweeds of dog hair under the kitchen table but let it be - everything (from the pain of healing to frustration when she cries) is easier to handle when you're rested.

You can do it. Take each moment as it comes.